roxyf

i feel for you, my 4 year old does the same stuff. she will bite, kick, punch anything to get your attention but we have tried spanking too and it doesn't work. i think it even makes us madder. i have not tried the bear hug thing and i think it's kinda weird but will try it myself. if i can get close enough to her!!! good luck and let me know how things go.

newdad06

I don't know if I can accurately describe this method of restriction without pictures, but I will try. When I was in college I worked at a home for adult foster care. I had to get trained in how to hold a resident that was getting violent without hurting them or ourselves. This hold is is a very good one as once you learn it you can easily keep a child restrained without fear of hurting them. I often had to use it on a resident that weighed 350 pounds and she was able to become quite violent, but with this hold I was able to restrain her by myself with very little physical exertion, which helps to keep your own anger to a minimum. Also, unlike a bear hug wear you are dependent on your strength to restrain the child and at the whim of your anger as to how much pressure you apply, you are merely locking body parts so that the child becomes immobile and no squeezing is involved, therefore there is less risk to the child.

There are two levels to this hold, I had to use the second level for the large resident as she was a more extreme case. I will explain both levels, but I only recommend the first level as it is not as restrictive and should be adequate for anyone smaller than you. It really isn't far from a bear-hug, but a child will easily recognize they aren't getting hugged for the misbehavior.

1. If a child is swinging at you, step back from their swing and try to guide the arm they are swinging with across their body. When it has completed its swing step in and turn the child so that their back is facing you.

2. Take the arm they swung at you with (Let's say it is the right arm) and tuck it under the armpit of the other arm.

3. With your left arm hold their right hand firm and keep it pinned to their body.

4. With your free hand, grab their other arm and tuck that arm beneath the arm pinned at their back. At this point the child's outside arm should form a painless lock for the other arm. And the outside arm should then be tucked under the armpit of the other shoulder. (In this example, the outsdie arm is the left arm and tucked under the armpit of the right arm.)

5. The arms should now be locked and they can no longer swing at you, nor can they bite anything. The last concern would be kicking.

6. Place one foot sideways and at the heal of the child and with the other foot step back and pull the chid off balance. You should be able to easily support the weight and they will naturally sink to the ground.

7. Guide them into a sitting position with their legs in front of them. If they are struggling and trying to kick you can rock your weight forward some so that they are leaning over their legs, it will be enough to prevent them from kicking.

This is stage one, both of you are in a seated position and your child is secure and unable to harm anyone, including themselves.

There is only two more move sto go into stage two. If the child is particular strong or you unable to keep them secure in the stage one position then and only then should you move into stage two.

Stage 2:

1. From the seated position of stage one roll the child onto their side and continue until they are on three-quarters on their stomache.

2. Roll with them so that you are resting your body on their side and keeping them pinned to the floor.


I can't stress enough. This stage 2 should not be necessary for any child that weighs 25 pounds or more less than you. Neither position will hurt the child and is intended to for their saftety as well as yours. As I said before, I was able to keep a 350 pound woman secure in this position by myself and she had me outweighted by 150 pounds.

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http:growingupwiththekids.blogspot.com
Step Family Talk

StarWolf67

NewDad, This is the position I used for three of our 5 children, (The One you described) when they got out of hand. That tool was given to me about 13 years ago, when we had two explosive children in our home. It works! It works well! Both of those children are now ages 20 and 16 and are extremely well behaved young people with very little anger problems.
I must say that yes, I got into a meditative state. I would also whisper "shhhhhh, I love you, I want to hear why you are angry, please calm down, I can't hear you when you are raging." and when they would scream to let them go I would softly, calmly reply "When you are calm, I will let go, please calm down so I can hear you."
These were always said with a very quiet, very calm, almost monotone voice and the child would have to quiet themselves to hear the words... I had a few others that i would use, but at 6am, those are the only ones that come to mind...

*wandering off to find the Java Goddess*

__________________
~Star
Mother to 5 fantastic people:
Stef (21)
MiLisa (20)
Matt (16)
Mel (14)
Chris (8)
"Mommy, You're my Hero" From my 20 year old daughter, who calls me "The Keeper of the Cheerios."

roxyf

thank you, i printed this out so i can practise this in my head before i try it. i am still a little uncomfortable with it but will try, maybe i will get my husband to first. he is more of the disiplinary in this family. i am too soft so i have been told. but on the other hand once i can't control her i get mad and yell and put her in her room which causes more trouble!!! i will let you know once we have tried it and how it works.

StarWolf67

New parenting tools are often uncomfortable, especially when they aren't part of our parenting package that we learned from our parents and mentors when we were children. I am sure that you will find a way that works best for you and your child.
*~ Sending positive parenting energy your way ~*

__________________
~Star
Mother to 5 fantastic people:
Stef (21)
MiLisa (20)
Matt (16)
Mel (14)
Chris (8)
"Mommy, You're my Hero" From my 20 year old daughter, who calls me "The Keeper of the Cheerios."

newdad06

you and your husband should practice on each other, until you are comfortable with it, it is awkward at first, and that is doing it with a partner that isn't putting up a struggle, don't try it the first time with a screaming kid.

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http:growingupwiththekids.blogspot.com
Step Family Talk

MNMom

What if the child isn't raging just walks up and wacks someone? Do you go to them and "bear hug" them if they are not raging?