emrosmom

Hi I hope I can get some advice here...

My daughter is 4 1/2 and goes to preschool. For the past 2 months she has been hitting almost every single day. The teachers there say it's not any particular kid, and I am so frustrated. I've tried everything -- taking toys away, sticker charts, made to stay in room, time out and award tickets, but nothing is working. I resorted to 2 light spanks (not angry) yesterday cause nothing else is working. Inside I feel severe rage because of her behavior. We tell her all the time that hitting is not nice but she is angry at school. I suffer from depression and have for many years and she is my only child. Please help me before I have to commit myself to an institution!

emrosmom

Kaytee

Wow I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't have much advise since i don't have a 4 year old. But is there anyway you can put her in a different pre-school. It sounds like the kids at this one may be getting away with things that another school may not tolerate. I hope things work out for the best.

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happy2bg33k

I have been there with my four-year-old. It's a terrible place to be. Firstly we learned pretty quickly that whether a spank was out of anger or not, it wasn't sending a good message in this case. Our son wanted to know why it was okay for us to hit him to tell him he shouldn't hit. I had no answer for him. At home we eventually ended up resorting to a sort-of bear hug restraint every single time he would hit and we would only let go when he wasn't hitting anymore. If he hit again we held him again. (This was on a counselor's advice BTW). We saw a reduction in his hitting pretty as much as he realized we were going to be consistent in our response. He didn't like being restricted in his movement and learned to ask for hugs and attention when he needed it. I would recommend talking to you doctor, YOUR doctor for some stress reduction. Maybe you need to look at your medications or have someone to talk to?

tater03

I have a five year old that just starting doing this so I feel for you. I am lucky so far that he doesn't do this at preschool. It is mainly at home directed at me, his dad, and brother. It is almost like he does this because he is mad and doesn't know another way to express that he is mad and frustrated. I will have to try that bear hug thing and see if that will help because nothing I have tried seems to work.

mamab

That's an interesting suggestion, I would have loved to have been told something like that when my kids were younger.

SageMother

Hitting is a tough one. You want to have a peaceful, reasonable child without them being so disarmed that they cannot physically defend themselves if need be.

I like the physical restraint mentioned in the other responses. Checking with your doctor is also a good idea.

There is light at the end of the tunnel though. As children develop vocabulary skills, they tend handle conflict without hitting more often.

happy2bg33k

The only caveat and caution I would add to my suggestion of the bear hug/ restraint is you should make sure you are not very angry while doing it so you don't squeeze too hard out of anger or frustration or that your child doesn't sense your anger. It needs to be calm even if you have to fake it!

SageMother

Back when I spent most of my time with emotionally disturbed stucents, I realized something common in all of the staff members when we had to do restraints on kids.

We all tended to go into a sort of meditative trance. Our breathing would slow, and there would be an almost palpable bubble of stillness, even though the student would be thrashing, kicking, swearing, and / or spitting. All internal energy was focused on creating the calm that the student could not manifest on their own. It helped keep the adults calm also, which maintained the safety factor in a situation that could go terribly wrong at any moment.

So, it might be helpful to think of a mantra or some meditative place to send your mind to when you start considering the bear hug. It might help you maintain so that you don't inadvertently cause harm.

ASparrowsFreedom

I would change the preschool for sure as they should in some way be dealing with it as well. Taking care of it at home is great but if she gets away with it while not at home it just isnt going to stop.

roxyf

hello! i am in the same boat as you!!! today is my first time on this website. i just posted one called tempers. her doctor told me to read this book called 123 majic and i am not really finding anything with it that we haven't tried but maybe you would. my daughter will get so mad that she will rip her closet doors off and throw things down the stairs. bite, kick, punch and steal. i also am not sure what to do. we have also spanked, gave time outs etc. and she seems to be too stuborn for all of it. sorry i don't have much else to offer but just to know you are not alone

roxanne