Parents Forum

jcck2007 · 01-03-2008, 03:43 PM

Hi All:
I dont know if we are expecting too much from my 4 and half yr old son, but it seems more and more frequently he does not listen and intentionally do things he know he is not suppose to do (ie. walking around when he suppose to be at the dinner table eating dinner for no reason other than trying to annoy us, 90% of the time is nothing too major)

my wife believes children can be taught by using absolute force and authority (some times she is making me feeling that way) Thus a some times she will try to make her point by screaming at my son, lately my son has learned to talked about , not sure he picked that up from school or somewhere with be two letter word NO, or something like “don’t talk to me like this”
of course sometimes I get agitated with their behavior, I would join them as the 3rd lion of the pack unavoidably because my son would usually run to whoever is not scream at the time, I got into because I feel like have to take one side , and by that time nobody listens to anything anybody said and the whole original point was missed and we start over again next time.

some times I failed into the same habits (though I think should be less frequent but none less I am in) trying to make my point with my son, the end result often being my son crying and my wife ask whats going on and I always being the one to blame on his teas

I know that we should not scream and I think we all do, is this normal behavior for a 4 year old that going thought another “terrible 2” type of change over ?

we also have a little 6 month, she sometimes got scared but some times not maybe she is used to it,

please help thanks

fallon · 01-03-2008, 06:29 PM

I would think a change in behavior would be normal...my daughter is 5 and at about 4 she started changing in a lot of ways including doing things that she knows she shouldn't, back talking, extra whining. Screaming isn't going to help things though. At that age any attention is good attention, especially if they are also ajusting to a new baby (we have a 9 months old also). Behavior charts have worked well for our family. I also find it helps to send her away for a 5-10 minutes so I can calm down so we avoid screaming or acting out of anger

musicmom · 01-04-2008, 08:41 AM

A four year old is just learning things in the world. He's only been on earth four short years. Have you tried getting him a booster chair for the table? Sometimes they like to have something of their own. He could also be lashing out at you for having the new sibling.
He is a perfect age for a time out spot. Try not yelling no matter what you do but get on your knees and talk calmley on his level. If you are quiet he has to be quiet to hear you right?
If you start the yelling now he will grow up and NOT listen to you when you yell for a good reason. Save the yelling for serious issue.
I had to cut back on that myself. We are all parents just learning the same as they are learning.
Just keep trying different things..behavior charts are good, if he doesn't like that then maybe a shorter chart just for a day and if he gets through it he gets a treat? You may have to keep changing it around if he's stubborn.
They can be testy that's for sure but as a parent you HAVE to be in control.

Kaytee · 01-04-2008, 08:45 AM

I agree that things need to change. A bhavior chart is a wonderful thing. I alos think you need to calmly talk to your wife not during but at a peaceful time . You both need to be on the same page

fallon · 01-04-2008, 08:47 AM

for sure...even when Ryan and I don't agree we never let the kids know that...we just go along with what the other said and then talk about better ways to handle it next time when it's just the two of us

jcck2007 · 01-04-2008, 10:33 AM

what is a Behavior charts

thanks

Kaytee · 01-04-2008, 11:24 AM

like you make a chart and you write on there chores that you expect them to do. Like at 4, make your bed in the morning. Really just laying the blanket down nicely on the bed. If they do it they get a sticker to put on their chart. Another way parents will do reward charts is every day, they start off with say 10 stickers (or whatever) every time they do something they shouldn't. hit their sister, throw a toy, they lose a sticker. Then at the end of the day they get to put all the stickers they have left on their chart. If they get say 50 in a week they get a special trat. Ice cream for desert after dinner. They get to choose whats for dinner, a trip to the bookstore to pick out a book. Whatever you set. You just have to set it before so the child knows what they are workign towards. They also should be able to gain more stickers, like if htey say please and thank you without being otld to, you can tank them for being so polite and give them an extra sticker to put on their chart. There are many ways to do and variations of it. I bet yuo can google it and gt some good ideas.

Kaytee · 01-04-2008, 11:25 AM

heres some cute ones. Of course you can make your own as well
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgu...icial%26sa%3DN

jenilouise · 01-05-2008, 11:39 PM

He sounds like he is testing the boundaries which is normal. A behavior chart would be a great idea.

musicmom · 01-06-2008, 08:00 AM

You can also use a jar of marbles (you add marble when he does something nice and you take marbles out if he makes a bad choice) or a cup of popcicle sticks with words of them. Some sticks can have "good choice" or "not a good choice" Try not to use the word bad. You set the limit to how many he needs to get for the reward. I'd try doing it daily then as he gets better move it to three days and then a week.

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