Parents Forum

musicmom · 05-30-2008, 07:00 PM

My son is gifted so he's very smart. The problem that bugs me the most is they do not listen the first time. If one asks me a question the other two will follow with the same question (they heard) They need to quit pulling me in all different directions and be a bit more self sufficient.

Skyburning · 05-30-2008, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ari2

Ok, let me write this down: 3 easy buttons to go, with the first for MM...and I think I'll get a couple of side orders of peace-and-quiet, with some extra-long naps to top it off.

I'd like some of those naps please!

hwnorth · 05-30-2008, 11:18 PM

A brief explanation of how it works in our house ... with success...

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicmom

... My boy is 8 and is coming up with excuses everytime I ask him a question that he messed up on such as "why didn't you bring home your spelling words" and he will come up with three different excuses. ...

Excuses are untruthful, which justifies consequences .. to which was brought on by your own "excuses" ... you CHOSE to not give me a straight answer.. therefore you CHOSE consequence. It gives a child control, as they are all searching to who they are... but it gives them control in a way that shows them consequence and its better to be honest the first time

Then they have been getting a bit lippy. I feel like I am constantly yelling or correcting their behavior. I am wearing thin.

I RARELY raise my voice ... again.. as above ... consequence for your actions. I will very quietly and calmly let them know that because of their choice of actions .. they suffer the consequence.

When I am talking to another adult or on the phone they try to get my attention.

Again as above ... this is still a tough one though .. but for the most part I get "excuse me Daddy"

When we are around my family none of them will correct my children (probably in fear of me) but I ask them to correct them if they are doing something wrong because they need to know that other adults should be respected.

If Im there I will reinforce with my family at the time of the action in front of said child .. so both parties are aware that each know of the wrongdoing.

When they walk in a store they act like they own the store, it's like they turn blind and do not see on-coming people.

Stop them and have them apologize directly to the person ... action/consequence

I feel like everything I have ever taught them all went out the window and they are different children.

There is a simply cure for this ... dont become a parent LMAO Thats a common parental feeling at times
I'm at my wits end. So give it to me.............

Every situation and family is different, but I find in our family, respect is treated with respect .. all people have a voice and are allowed to use it .. respectfully... and when they learn they have control ... (somewhat) .. and good actions means nice life ... bad actions means consequence ... they figure it out fairly fast ...

Again .. this is in our house ...

musicmom · 05-31-2008, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hwnorth

A brief explanation of how it works in our house ... with success...

Every situation and family is different, but I find in our family, respect is treated with respect .. all people have a voice and are allowed to use it .. respectfully... and when they learn they have control ... (somewhat) .. and good actions means nice life ... bad actions means consequence ... they figure it out fairly fast ...

Again .. this is in our house ...

The first part my children would say "huh". I don't think I've explained that excuses are lies one yet. But I will.
My house is decent size and if I didn't yell then I would be up nonstop explaining "please quiet down" so I just yell "enough". Bad mommy.

The thing is........mine know how to say "excuse me" and they do it with me just not when I'm speaking with another adult. I don't like that other people may think I have rude children because they are not.

I feel ganged up on with the three of them lately. I'm def not a slacker parent. They know they will be held accountable without a shadow of a doubt and that's what I don't understand.

Maybe I will start leaving them at karate instead of them knowing I am in the building? Shihan might get rough with my son and freak him out and that worries me. He's an officer and is VERY tight with these kids. The guys who trained us actually do cage matches (ultimate death). These are my babies. They got rough with me like boot camp. lmbo

mmynedshlp · 06-01-2008, 02:30 AM

You are being ganged up on!
They have figured it works. they are not stupid just as you said they are extremely smart and if they found something that works why stop?

Let me tell you have a problem and its going to be you need to quit reminding and let what ever happens to them happen. Unelss its a life and death situation. There is always someone out there who will point them being bad out to them and let me tell you coming from a stranger instead of mom is better.

My daughter is bugging me or throwing a fit. I point it to EVERYBODY! " hey look everyone my daughter here wants attention please look at her" It works on all ages. My three year old stands up holds my hands and walks like a big girl and my 11 year old she turns bright red and stops immediately usaully covering up her face.

Hwnorth- You sound like a love and logic parent too. that is awesome even if it comes naturally

Ohh man I just read this realized it comes across real harsh. i did mean it be that way.
A lil about me so you know where I am coming from. I use to be a yelling mom. Man oh man it got me no where and no ones habits changed.
My 11 year old she lies alot. it calmed down when she started getting more affection and less yelling. the lies stopped when she realized she was going to get yelled at anymore.
If i felt like I was going to yell I told her to go to her room until i thought of a consequence.
This gave me time to cool down and think of one. it aslo made her go to her room to worry.
Whatever her consequence was ( cleanign the bathroom, vacumming, washing dishes) She didnt get to eat till it was done. When she got to eat was her choice.
" you know what hunny your lying makes me feel really drained, I think in order for me to get my energy back up you should___________ so I can feel better"
Why should they make you feel better? hmm maybe you dont have the energy to do something they expect you to do for them. OOh did thy want to go to the movies, have ice cream or dessert, maybe go to a friends house ( ooh i am sorry but i can not trust you you cant go).
You are covered many things so we need a baby step. I am hoping the lying one is the one that bugs you the most.
These are just a few ideas.
OOh I forgot you can take them back to babysteps too. want to be a baby or make me feel like your a baby? do the you want this or this thing.
Milk or juice, blue shirt yellow shirt, you can do anything and everything with that. if they do not choose or pick something that is not option you pick one for them. ( only do two options you are willing to do)

While I am on the phone:
You may play in your room and make noise or wait her quietly till I am done and write your question down so you dont forget. Dont sit quietly they go to thier room.

musicmom · 06-01-2008, 08:28 PM

My kids wouldn't go for alot of that. I would never let them not eat. I just couldn't do that.
I think some of it is me. I am so wound up from constantly discipling that I can't enjoy them anymore. I give an inch and they take a mile. I never wanted to be that parent that just "gave up" and said "do what you want". But for me I am constantly saying "don't do that", "get your hands out of your mouth", "walk right and quit acting like a two year old! (to my eight year old).
My eight year old has been acting goofy as he**. It's like he's two and in a candy store. WTF.
ugh.

Ari2 · 06-03-2008, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicmom

My kids wouldn't go for alot of that. I would never let them not eat. I just couldn't do that.
I think some of it is me. I am so wound up from constantly discipling that I can't enjoy them anymore. I give an inch and they take a mile. I never wanted to be that parent that just "gave up" and said "do what you want". But for me I am constantly saying "don't do that", "get your hands out of your mouth", "walk right and quit acting like a two year old! (to my eight year old).
My eight year old has been acting goofy as he**. It's like he's two and in a candy store. WTF.
ugh.

How's it going, MM? Are the kids giving you a break?

I often have the "give an inch, take a mile" situation with my daughter. It gets really tiresome and unpleasant when you have to be on guard for a kid constantly trying to test you.

Hope things are going ok.

musicmom · 06-06-2008, 11:43 AM

My children are not violent. lmbo but thanks.

They go to karate and they know what is acceptable, my son gets annoyed at his sister and shoves her. Not to hurt her but to let her know she has crossed his line.
They do help if I ask but they want me 24/7. I just want left alone even if it's to pee.
I'll just deal with it. Things are not going to change anytime soon. One day at a time. I guess maybe I'll give them more responsibilities this summer. No tv until the rooms are cleaned (that's one day down, maybe two). I'll teach them how to mop and sweep. hahaha

needhalc · 06-30-2008, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicmom

I'm not understanding this age. My boy is 8 and is coming up with excuses everytime I ask him a question that he messed up on such as "why didn't you bring home your spelling words" and he will come up with three different excuses. This behavior is ALL the time. "why did you act like that to your sister" and there is an excuse. He doesn't take blame for anything.
I have banned the words "I don't know" from my house. That is not an allowed answer. (with small exceptions)
Then they have been getting a bit lippy. I feel like I am constantly yelling or correcting their behavior. I am wearing thin.
When I am talking to another adult or on the phone they try to get my attention. If I am doing nothing then they are fine. WTF?
We are all we've had and I think that's why they don't want to share me. They are back in karate so another adult is discipling them, maybe they will help?
When we are around my family none of them will correct my children (probably in fear of me) but I ask them to correct them if they are doing something wrong because they need to know that other adults should be respected.
When they walk in a store they act like they own the store, it's like they turn blind and do not see on-coming people.
I feel like everything I have ever taught them all went out the window and they are different children.
I don't have any other mothers to ask. My friends kids run wild so I won't ask them.
I'm at my wits end. So give it to me.............

Thats funny, I had a run in with my 6 yr old boy and this issue a few nights back. I watched him pickup our kitten with skates on and try to skate, then fall almost on the kitten. I know he knows better. When I asked him why he did this he told me it wasn't his fault..that he didn't do anything...he said this over and over. So we sat there, about 20 minutes on the floor. I explained that he must be accountable for his actions, and that I wanted him to tell me "Mommy, I did something wrong. I am sorry, and I won't do it again." He would just not say this..he blamed is sister and everything else, he just could not accept blame. Finally he said it, and I gave him lots of praise for admitting what he had done. Hate to say it, but maybe its a guy thing?

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