Teresa

Wow, is that even legal? In our state, I know it's not...both parents have equal access to the school officials and records, and to the child during school hours or activities..like having lunch with the child at school, or just observing classes, etc.

__________________

Wife to Barry
Mother to Brian,Adrienne and Amy
Christianity is not a religion like most people think. Christianity is a life of imitating Jesus.

1dayatatime

The momma drama and work stress were making my DH physically sick. He quit working for the prison and we moved to start fresh. His health is excellent again. Since moving we can both work from home. It's very important to both of us that he spend as much time as possible with the kids. If he stayed working at the prison in poor health he could have been killed. That would not benefit his kids at all.

__________________
Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

1dayatatime

No I don't think that legal.

It's the same here but if he were to just show up mom would through a fit to the school. Like I said DH stays in touch with the school on the down low so DD can continue to attend the school she loves. DH is not told of any special activities or events.

__________________
Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

FooserX

How does moving 3 hours away from his kid acheive this?

Why couldn't he have just quit his job at the prison?

fallon

I think it depends on the state and the custody agreements. I have sole legal and physical custody so legally (not that he could) my ex can't go to the school without my permisson. He also can't make medical choices for her without my say and the doctors can't give him any info, nor can the teachers

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

budnkota

wow! I missed that part! You need to get that documented, ebcause that is totally UNACCEPTABLE. That is completely against the law. Get her to put that in writing (maybe an email mentioning that you want it, and she'll probably respond in a way that is beneficial to your case), or get a recording of a phone call where she states that. The judge needs to see that - it is games like that that can make her lose custody.
I wish I could remember where I read that, but somewhere I read something that over a list of different things, the greatest predictor of a child's future success was paternal involvement in the PTA. So a father's role in his education is VITAL (I think it was in the book Raising Cain), not a negative.

In the meantime, I'd suggest talking to the principal, providing a stack of self-addressed stamped envelopes and asking them to send copies of everything to you. Memos, report cards, disciplinary info. Everything. And when you go back to court, if you don't end up with custody, I'd ask for an EXTREMELY detailed court order outlining what you want to be made aware of and info you expect to be provided. (I can email you an example of some of the stuff that's good to request). If she fails to do so after the courts order it, she can be looking at jail for contempt. That might scare her straight a little bit.
I'd also suggest a parenting coordinator. It's expensive, but I know my ex plays a lot fewer games when she's involved. He's been backed into a corner and had to stop a few of his games, because an outsider was holding him (at least a little) accountable and he didn't want her to see his true colors.

budnkota

your state is a rarity.
All the ones I've dealt with allow complete parental access to school records, day care records, etc. They can't even prevent him from picking up the child regardless of custody unless there is a specific court order denying it and they have the right to stop in at any time. That's standard in all 3 states I've been exposed to.
The medical situation is a different situation in my experience. With that, the decision goes to the one(s) with legal custody. But he has access to all that information and I have to notify of any visits to the ER.

fallon

My ex is in prison...he has access to nothing. The school has no idea who her father is and wouldn't release her to anyone other then who is listed as acceptable to pick up...they also check IDs to make sure you are on the list

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

fallon

I am also only speaking from my experience...I have no idea how it is for other people

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

1dayatatime

It doesn't.

He couldn't just quit the prison and then us both work from home in the city. The business I own was not prospering in the city. Since we moved I have expanded my business to do more things. DH has more than just his daughter to think about in his decisions. Our marriage and his son all played a role in the decison to move. In the last 4 1/2 years nothing has changed in the situation with mom why would we stay close just for legistics? We are going back to court in June, we have filed for full custody. We are much better prepared this time around and so far no lawyers are involved this time. It may just be him against her and who has the most/best evidence. There's no real winner in the situation but if DD can end up in a stable loving environment and get the correct medical treatment both physically and emotionally then that is what needs to happen. It will be up to a stranger, the judge, to decide.

__________________
Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.