ladylady

My two boys (7&9) are attending summer camp where they learn a second language in the morning and have culturally inspired play in the afternoon.

Last Friday, the children were playing ping pong and my older son hit a ball into another girl's face so hard it left a mark that I could see when I picked him up 2 hours later. As it turns out, the table didn’t have a net, and the girl was crouching near the table holding her arm out to create a net.

The girl’s grandmother was livid and created quite a scene and then later that afternoon the camp received a call from the parents complaining that my boys are rowdy and fight with each other in school all the time creating a danger to other kids.

The school, then calls me and for the first time in the two weeks that we’ve been at the camp, tells me that my kids have been fighting with each other and need to behave themselves. They also suggest I call the girl’s parents and apologize (which I do right away).

My kids got a big lecture this weekend about fighting and a new punishment for fighting was imposed immediately.

On Monday, I make a special trip to take the kids to camp (they usually just get a ride with someone else). I talk to the teacher and tell her that I have spoken strongly to the kids, that they know they shouldn’t be fighting, and if they do, she should apply the discipline policy and let me know through the communication book that the camp provides to allow the camp teachers to let the parents know how things are going.

I think everything is under control, but a ½ hour later, when I’m on my way to work, the teacher calls me to tell me that the girl’s parent and a parent of another child in the class came in that morning to express their concern about my two kids fighting and being a danger to other kids. They ask if it is ok to separate my kids into different classes and I agree. I also tell the teacher that I will support her in making sure my kids know that fighting, even play fighting, is not acceptable.

So now I am having so many mixed emotions. I’ve had complaints before about my boys fighting, so I know that we have a problem and I don’t doubt that they have been misbehaving.

But in the two weeks they were at camp, they never received any of punishments as described in the discipline policy (sit out in the back of the class, get sent to the office), and I never received any notes from the teacher about this behavior. The teacher didn’t even mention the fighting when I picked them up on Friday – she only mentioned it after the other girls parents called back to complain.

The problem that triggered this – the girl getting hit in the face – seems to be as much the fault of the girl for having her face so near the ping pong table and the camp – for letting the kids play like this.

This all is no excuse for fighting. But if their fighting is such a problem, why am I just hearing about it now? And why haven’t the teachers been imposing some kind of discipline on my boys? I’m afraid that this parent will lobby more of the other parents and try to get my kids kicked out of camp before I’ve even had a chance to get on top of the situation. Is it possible that my kids have really been that bad, and I don’t know about it? Or are the girls's parents over-reacting?

Should I being doing anything else? What do I do if these parents persist in their complaining? I would appreciate any comments you have.

1dayatatime

I feel like you have handled things approriately. I too would be really upset if after two weeks I'm just hearing about any "bad" behavior from my child. In my head I would be thinking about the school and teacher....what are you stupid why didn't you say something. I can't fix it if I dont know it's broke. My parents always said "You play you pay" That girl should not have been so near the table, thats just dumb. It was an accident. The girl should not have been playing the net, and the boys should not have been playing so ruff. It comes down to parents making their kids take responsibilty for their own actions.

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Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

AnKsMommy

I agree with 1day. It sounds like you're on top of things there.

I agree totally that the girl was playing by that area and it wasn't just the boys' fault. I do think that the girl's parents are over-reacting. Your boys didn't tell her to stand there and play, and it's not like they did that on purpose! To me it seems crazy. It's sad, but sometimes kids do get hurt when they are playing. And the school should not be letting the kids play that rough. They are the ones that are in control and need to stop behavour before it gets out of control.

I think that talking to the teachers about having the boys in different classes was a good start, sometimes boys that close just feed off of each other and act up.

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Ali - Mommy to Alenya and Kaitlyn