Trina

DD (Gr. 4) just came home with an invitation for a sleepover birthday party. Problem is, I don't know this child or her family at all. Have never even met them. DD has gone to several sleepovers, but I have known all the families, have been to their houses, and was comfortable letting her go. Of course DD wants to attend this party. I can at least call the mother to inform her of DD's severe food allergies, asthma and pet allergies, etc., but I'm still not comfortable. I mentioned to DD the possibility of going to the party but not sleeping over, but of course that went over like a lead balloon. Argh...

HappyMomma

Could you call the parents and ask when a good time to meet them would be? If they are the kind of people that you would want your daughter around, surely they could understand and appreciate your desire to know the people who's house your Dd would be sleeping over at.

__________________
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

FooserX

I would go to their house, talk to them, let them know your concerns...and get comfortable. Chances are they are just a new family to befriend :-)

jtee

Trina, what are your primary concerns in the sense of what would trigger you to say "No"?

You could start with friendly phone call to the mom to get more info about the sleepover. My wife generally always does this with every sleepover even with parents we know well and trust. When it has been with a girl we don't know, my wife asks our daughter to tell us what the girl is like and about her family, and it done in casual way so our daughter doesn't hold back info (ie at dinner). I can't recall if there ever had been a sleep over we have said no too, but I do understand what you mean about it not going over well when you hesitate to say yes right away.

Trina

Well, I'm not going to invite myself over to scope everything out. LOL! The party is two weeks away. We could invite the girl over for a play date. That way I could meet them and get a better feel of the situation.

jtee, my primary concerns are DD's health issues. She has severe peanut and tree nut allergies, as in, if she puts anything in her mouth that contains nuts, she'll go into anaphylactic shock and could die. She requires an Epi-pen and Benadryl handy at all times. And that only holds her over until she gets to the ER. Also, she is allergic to dogs, and her asthma flares if she's around them. We don't know much about this family, but we do know they have at least one dog.

Other concerns ... I know very little about this family. DD is friendly with the girl at school, but that's it. Is it an abusive atmosphere? Are there any sex offenders? Do they swear or drink excessively? Will there be adequate supervision? That's just a tip of the iceberg.

FooserX

Why are you laughing at that idea?

Your kid has all these health issues, not to mention you don't even know the family....what is so funny about going over to see the place your kid would be spending the night in?

jtee

Trina, I can understand you concerns, especially when it comes to the health issues, a couple of those you listed are pretty scary.

If you know the parents of other girls who are invited, maybe give a couple of them a call to get a feel for things. I believe this is what my wife has done before. If other girls have spent the night there, you'll be able to get some good info.

We have hosted a lot sleepovers in the past couple years, and most of the time the girls have spent the night in our home first, so we have met at least 1 parent when the girl was dropped off, or sometimes when we have picked up the girl. I know a couple of girls couldn't spent the night because of our two cats.

Trina

There is nothing wrong with it, but I happen to think it's rude to invite myself over to other people's houses. I certainly don't want this family to feel like they're getting graded. What would that make ME look like?? We've gotten to know other families from play date drop off/pick ups, and school and sporting events, etc..

Trina

That's what I'm trying to find out. WHO else is invited? I will feel better if a friend of mine knows the family and can give a reference, so to speak.

jtee

I take it your daughter is the first person to be invited and/or she is not sure who else is going? We have had several two girl sleep overs, so it could be that.

The good thing is that you have two weeks sort it out, but I'm sure your daughter will be begging you to say yes ASAP.