Parents Forum

Cait · 09-01-2007, 12:08 PM

Hiya

I'm writing on behalf of my dad, who is internet illiterate...

My brother is 13 and has problems..

He never cleans up after himself.. He'll leave stuff lying around.. When he plays video games theres controllers, games, and memory cards everywhere!

Today he wanted his friend Howard to come over.. My dad said no, so cory got his stuff around and told my dad he was going down to his house insted. (He lives just down the road) He never even asked if he could go.

He also throws a big baby fit when he doesnt get his way.. Like when he wants to go drive his go-kart and my dad says no because he doesn't want to go outside... Or if he wants something but cant do it.

He never does his responsiblities.. The only thing he has to do around here is empty the dishwasher when the dishes are clean. My dad TELLS him to go do it, but it sits there still full for days while dishes pile up in the sink.

He whines and complains when he is bored.. and will even take of the TV if you were even sitting there watching something. I /NEVER/ watch TV, I've got a lot of things to do. However, on the occasion I DO watch TV, He often changes it so he can play his video games. He argues "You were done watching it, it got over!" and i say to him "Perhaps I wanted to watch what was after" "THEN YOU WOULDA TOLD ME" "I just did" "WELL IM PLAYING"

Also he has an INCREDIBLY short temper.. hes a very angry child.. He will often hit me or throw things at me.. once he even slammed a remote control from his RC car on my head... He is an incredibly large kid, and I cant fight back. He's prolly lower-mid 200's in weight. He refuses to keep his fingernails at a decent length.. and uses them to scratch me.. He once scratched my leg all the way down.. it bled.. I still have a scar.. this was over a year ago.

He has no respect for animals.. When we have to feed our rabbits (we have 9) he'll scream "I DONT CARE I HOPE THEY DIE" When our cats of 13 and 14 years.. and our two newest ones.. both a year old.. He wasnt even upset when they died.. (However becaue of 4 cats dying at once, I was incredibly traumatized.. As my cats and I were very close)

For a long time, he took over my bed because he refused to sleep anywhere else. I either slept in HIS bed or on the floor. (The floor is quite comfortable to me, I wasn't forced there.)

So.. My Mom died in 2005... She was 40.. I've tooken over the role as "mom" and.. my dad doesnt know how to discipline.. at all.

He never had to discipline me when i was a kid because I never DID anything.. I'm a huuuge geek-type person... and have no life, lol.

I tried getting him into counceling.. I took him to my session once.. My counceler asked him what makes him mad.. he just smiled and blushed and laughed and hes like "I dunno ^^" I told him to go by himself, and he wont. "I HATE MARIANNE (the counceler) SHES STUPID!"

My brother is a wild child. Any suggested ways of dealing with him? (For me or my dad)

Abbi · 09-01-2007, 03:56 PM

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother

Advice - most of which is actually coming from my husband:

- Your brother does sound like he needs to talk to someone, maybe not Marianne as he had the outburst, is there any chance of getting him to talk to a male counseler? He's 13 so maybe he's just too embarrassed to talk to a woman, all hormones and things at that age.

-Really your dad does need to be a lot more firm with your brother, what he's doing isn't ok (which I kow you can see). He needs to set tasks, have consequences and most iportantly follow through.

- Is there any kind of outside help that you can use? Organisations? Even family?

- Also it's not your job to be 'mom' (though I'll interject with my step daughter knows what this sis like) and I don't know if it will help but it sounds lie you need to be more assertive with him.

- The baby fits should be ignored, like a toddlers. Walk away, don't interact. It's the attention he wants, but he's going about it the wrong way.

Well, not sure how much/if any of this will help; but I hope things do get better for you soon.

Kaytee · 09-01-2007, 05:59 PM

I think that was put very well. Ithink you are also the child in this situation ( not referring to your age) it is not your responsibility to be a mother to him. Your father needs to set the rules and consenquences and follow through on the punishments. It is that simple. Not simple to do by any means but that is just the way it is.
I do hope that things get better for you soon.
I also lost my mother when I was in 7th grade, so if you ever need someone to talk to, just pm me.

Cait · 09-02-2007, 12:01 PM

ahh thanks ^^

I guess i didnt mention my age..

18.. seconds year of college..

(No im not like normal college people drinking, drugs, random sex... etc.. im actually against those things...) :P

anyway perhaps ill try ignoring them.. maybe we can see what happens... :3

Kaytee · 09-02-2007, 12:15 PM

You are still your fathers child, no tmatter your age. You are not the mother and should not be expected to act as your brothers. Wasn't trying to insult you at all. Just feel like at 18, you should be worried about your own affairs and not your brohers. you father should be the one dealing with it not you.

Abbi · 09-02-2007, 04:37 PM

I agree with Kaytee, I think you need to discuss things with your dad, you should be putting your education first. Not saying you shouldn't help, but it is your fathers job, and consider if/wehn you move out, there's enough of an age gap that your father could still be at home with your brother. He would need to know how to handle then too.

Cait · 09-03-2007, 01:45 AM

Heh, I would defintely talk to my dad.. if that accomplished anything.

I talk to him ALL The time and he refuses to punish him in the slightest... He says basically "Cory, bad."

Cory cries.. then he does it again and again..

My dad really doesnt know HOW to be a dad.. I think.

Abbi · 09-03-2007, 03:19 AM

Then I think it might be worth getting another adult involved, like a realtive or a family friend. He might see it for what it is, there's a chance he only sees you talking to him as a teenager being fed up of her brother.

Cait · 09-03-2007, 12:02 PM

This is where yet another problem arises...

We dont HAVE... any other family.. it's just my dad, my brother, and me....

my friends however.. (they they arent being emo and crazy) DO SEE that Cory is being... how he is.. but they have no control over him :P

Abbi · 09-04-2007, 01:02 PM

Ahh yeah that is a problem, I don't know if your friends speaking up would help but it might be worth it. Are theri any friends of your fathers or mothers (even collegues) who know what's going on and you'd feel comfortable asking for help?

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