sbever

Hello,
I'm new to this forum. I have a 17 year old son who is dating a 16 year old girl. This girl has admitted to smoking pot and drinking although (she says she have given it up since meeting my son). Since going out with her my son has started lying about where he goes and what he does. I have read notes about her wanting to have his baby and even if it is playing - that is serious talk. This past weekend, I read a chat they had open on AOL and they were talking about wanting to have sex. I have stopped them from seeing each other except for 3 dates a week. He takes her and drops her off at school and I'm limiting that now to mornings picking her up. I'm sure I'm not the only parent out there with this issue. Any suggestions from someone who has been there done that? In a perfect world I would love for these two to stop seeing each other.

Thank you,

fallon

the more you try to keep him from her the more appealing she will be...this is a hard one. Is he still in school also?

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

sbever

yes, they are both sophmore's in High school. I'm thinking about printing the IM out and sending it to both her parents. I think they need to know what they are talking about.

fallon

while I understand why you feel that you if you choose to do that you should be prepared for WW3 in your house. You will push him right into the last place you want him to be.

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

SpitNCobra13

17 is almost 18-an adult, so be careful how much you restrict him. By this age, it would be better for him to seek your opinion out of respect for it, rather than you physically preventing him from doing things. You shouldnt really be reading his personal communications at this age either. Just my .02

__________________

sbever

While I appreciate your opinions, I would really like to hear from someone who has teenage children. I also believe that whatever communication is in the house is open for my viewing. I believe if all parents of the Columbine students would have read and checked in on their kids more, maybe that horrible event would never have taken place - again, my opinion there. I'm sure if they could go back in time they would have wanted to know what was going through their kids minds. As far as being 17 - almost an adult - yes that is true however, I personally do not want my son to contribute to the teen pregnancies in the world. Thanks for your input. Are there any parents of teens on this forum and if not, does anyone know of another parenting forum specifically for parents of teens?

Thanks again.

fallon

there are plenty of parents with teens here...good luck to you
(also you shouldn't judge ones knowledge by the age of their children, that's just silly)

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

ntbuddy

There is a difference in age but once a child is over 15, in my mind, they have already been molded by your upbringing. Sex is a natural part of life. I would have a talk with him about safe sex again if you haven't already done so. You'll never be able to stop them and the more you try the more that they will want to do it in defiance. The key is they act safely and keep the door of communication open.

unmanaged

Well I have a few things to say about this subject. I agree with ntbuddy a lot, I think that you will have trouble stopping him, but that it is good to talk to him about safe sex and precautionary meausers, etc. I would also say, that kids flirt around a lot and are much more inclined to say things like that in a inflirtaous manner. Just one more thing. Why were you looking on his IMs? Did he let you show him? No offense but it doesn't sound like you have a really great trusting relationship with him if you are snooping around on his computer, so it may well be hard to control him. Maybe you should try to take a step back, and see from his point of view why he is doing these things. It may well be hard to mold someone who is already 17 though, so it will be hard to stop him from doing something, especially since he is basically an adult already (age wise I mean).

hannah's mommy

I agree with some of the other posters, I think the best thing you can do at this point is have some discussions on safe sex. Not just pregnancies but STDs as well. And not just consequences, but the benefits of waiting and what your values are.

Also, in my state, statutory rape is not just an adult/minor - but if the male is over 14 months (or something like that) older than the female it is statutory rape as well. So make sure he is aware of ALL of the consequences.

Sorry, I know I don't have a teen yet, but this is how I plan to handle things when mine is a teenager.