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03-20-2008, 04:33 PM
| #1 | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
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hello, i have a 17 year old daughter and i'm wondering how much to let go, and how much i should be enforcing rules on her. she is in college already, but still lives at home. she has a boyfriend who is 21. they are not engaging in sexual intercourse. she is very mature and wants me to let go a bit more, but she still isn't 18 yet. should she be aloud at his house? should he be allowed in her room? should sleepovers happen (i don't let them)? i just wanted other parents' opinions. thanks! | ||
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17 year old daughter and boyfriend guidelines |
03-20-2008, 04:56 PM
| #2 | ||
| PF Addict  Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: TX
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My advice is do what you are comfortable with. If she is in college that tells me that she is most likely not only mature for her age, but also has a good head on her shoulders. That is however a pretty big age gab. I'm surprised that they are not sexually active and think that you shouldn't discount the possibility that they are. If you are ok with him coming over then do so. I myself wouldn't allow the door to be shut in her bedroom and certainly no sleep overs. In regards to letting her go over to his house your going to have to make that call. If you feel comfortable with him, and trust her judgement then do so. What ever you decide just realize that no matter how young she is she thinks she is an adult now and she will most likely resent you trying to have too much control. This just might make her do something to rebel that she might not have normally done. In other words flip a coin....lol. I'm so scared of the teen years.
__________________ Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. Last edited by Good Wolf : 03-20-2008 at 04:59 PM. | ||
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03-20-2008, 04:57 PM
| #3 | ||
| PF Addict  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Denver
Posts: 2,570
Rep Power: 388 Reputation: 8215 Children: One boy, Bradley |
>>>>she is very mature and wants me to let go a bit more She's not mature, she's 17. >>>but she still isn't 18 yet. should she be aloud at his house? should he be allowed in her room? should sleepovers happen (i don't let them)? No, no, and no. These are the things that lead to sex. Even the most responsible person is going to slip up when put in situations like that. How can you not...plus he's a 21 year old male...all he is thinking about is sex and you're thinking about letting them sleep over??? Are you nuts?????  You're doing great on your rules, just stay firm and strong, and when she moves out she can do what she wants! Only another year or so to go! | ||
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03-24-2008, 08:41 PM
| #4 | ||
| PF Fanatic Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Raleigh NC
Posts: 204
Rep Power: 44 Reputation: 871 Children: Ian, 12, and Ariane, 16 |
If my 16 year old daughter were dating a 20 year old guy, it would be WAY outside my comfort zone. And we have talked very openly about why I feel that way.
__________________ the other Ali JujuParent Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson | ||
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03-24-2008, 11:23 PM
| #5 | ||
| PF Fanatic Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Courtenay BC Canada
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[quote=FooserX;39196...plus he's a 21 year old male...all he is thinking about is sex [/quote] the most generalized comment Ive seen. Quite offensive in my eyes. My opinion is that your house is your rules. Her at his house... I think shes old enough to make that call .. how long do you control for? .. do you tell them where they can go on a date ? .. of course not. You can only control what your in control of .... Him in her room? .. I dont think its important for this to happen... sleepovers ... not a chance .. unless it was a rare occasion for a specific reason and he slept on the couch | ||
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03-24-2008, 11:45 PM
| #6 | ||||
| PF Regular Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: rural Japan
Posts: 37
Rep Power: 62 Reputation: 1426 Children: First boy born Feb 7, 2008 |
Quote:
Last edited by gerrr : 03-24-2008 at 11:48 PM. | ||||
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03-24-2008, 11:49 PM
| #7 | ||
| PF Fanatic Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Courtenay BC Canada
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I disagree ... are 21 year old men interested in sex ? .. yes, about as much as 21 year old women... so to pinpoint one ...think is wrong | ||
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04-01-2008, 07:43 PM
| #9 | ||
| PF Enthusiast Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Louisiana
Posts: 81
Rep Power: 48 Reputation: 1073 Children: 3 Girls: 13, 7, 4 |
I agree with the others, I would not allow them to sleep in the same room or the same bed. If there was some emergency with his parents and he had to sleep over, I'd say enjoy the couch!
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04-02-2008, 01:59 AM
| #10 | ||
| PF Fanatic  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Japan
Posts: 441
Rep Power: 270 Reputation: 6418 Children: Two girls, Alenya is two and a half and Kaitlyn is a newborn. |
I think that if your daughter is in college already that she's more mature than those her own age...but not quite at that adult maturity yet. As for letting him sleep over and go in her bed room. If it were me, I would let him come over and be in her room...DOORS OPEN ALWAYS. He could stay over....BUT SLEEP IN ANOTHER ROOM...hopefully on another floor.
__________________ Ali - Mommy to Alenya and Kaitlyn | ||
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