Parents Forum

IcaesarC · 02-17-2007, 10:12 PM

My step-daughter just had her 13th birthday party today at the house. She had her friends and family over. The friends consisted of both boys and girls. Apparently at the end of the night, we found out that she told everyone that they can sleep over. I said absolutely not and my wife told me to shut up and stop being mean. Both of my step-daughters looked at me like "Yeah, whats wrong with them sleeping over". So I gave up and let them all have their way. Just to know that I am not going crazy, would you have a co-ed sleep over? There are boys from age 13 to age 16. Both my wife and I talked about it and she said that I don't know what it is like to be a parent and that this is ok. What are your thoughts on the situation? Am I just missing something because I am in a complete aw?

jmeyer3131 · 02-17-2007, 10:56 PM

No, you're not missing something. A boy/girl sleepover is just asking for trouble. At some point the parents go to sleep, leaving them completely unsupervised.

I'm just surprised the other parents allowed their kids to sleep over.

I'm totally with you. Unless you and your wife think that sexual activity at that age is fine, it shouldn't be allowed.

IcaesarC · 02-17-2007, 11:11 PM

Most of these kids parents come from the city where "parenting" is not one of their top priorities. To these people, as long as their kids is alive, they believe that their job is done. The sad part is that not one parent has called to check on their children.

jmeyer, thank you for your feedback. This is the reason I disagree with the sleepover. Anything can happen when we go to sleep. I am even afraid of something being stolen within my house. I already had one of my step-daughters friends friend steal something from my house. It was valued at $300. I told my wife that I do not want this person or his friends over my house again and guess what.... he was still coming over the house for 6 months. My wife yelled at me to get over it. It happened in the past.

And she is the one calling me a bad parent!

jmeyer3131 · 02-19-2007, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IcaesarC

The sad part is that not one parent has called to check on their children.

That really is sad. I'm not real surprised, though. A lot of my daughter's friends have parents that let them do whatever they want with whomever they want. A lot of them don't spend much time at home with their kids.

Icaesar, it sounds like you and your wife have completely different parenting expectations. It's that much harder because you're the "step", so she figures she's the expert. She reminds me of the mom of one of my daughter's friends. The first time I met her she asked how many kids I have. When she found out I had one, she said (in front of him, and he's the youngest) that I was sooo lucky, she had six.

She later left town for two weeks and told me, again in front of him, how glad she was to be getting away from the kids for awhile.

He would come over to our house and see how crazy I am about my daughter, then go home and try to talk to his mom about how much he needed to hear her say "I love you." She wouldn't say it. He'd end up in tears.

She called me one day to let me know that his depression was getting worse because of the time he spent with us. She blamed it on our "intact family", saying he was seeing how life would never be for him.

It wasn't that, though. He wasn't upset about not having a dad. He was used to that. He just wanted his mom to admit to loving him.

Then she talked to him about how she was a much better parent than I am because she has more experience...which is what I think your wife is thinking.

I think you need to find a way to work out your differences, even if that means finding a way to get some help. If she always treats you with that much disrespect, it's going to harm your marriage.

Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Janet

tater03 · 02-19-2007, 10:02 AM

No way would I let them have a coed sleepover. For one thing that is way to old of an age even to consider something like that. I could see if they are like six and maybe a cousin of the opposite sex wanted to stay but other than that I myself would not allow that.

happy2bg33k · 02-20-2007, 07:18 AM

I don't like the idea of a coed sleepover either. Yikes! What a liability and load of responsibility for the parent to take on to ensure that kids are behaving appropriately. I'm tired enough when we have three or four girls sleeping over, I am not willing to become the moral police in my home as well.

mamab · 02-20-2007, 07:37 AM

I think you're right on. I have a friend that has both boys and girls in the family. And although my boys have spent the night at their house, I know without a doubt, that their daughter is sleeping in her own room with her door closed. I know that these friends are aware of where their kids are and where my kids are, so I don't worry. However, if they just had a daughter, there's absolutely NO WAY ON EARTH that my sons would be spending the night! Especially 13-16 year old boys and girls!!

Nope, here's my suggestion: put your foot down and don't let it happen again!

Stephanie2377 · 02-20-2007, 01:33 PM

I have to back you up on this one. NO WAY NO HOW would I allow a boy/girl sleepover at that age. That is *only* asking for trouble, because I am assuming the boys and girls were sleeping in the same room? Plus, from a legal standpoint, if something happened to a girl who was in your care, you could be held liable (if a 13yo girl was forced sexually, for instance)

Your wife definitely need to come to the realization of how much she needs to protect her girls by not allowing this! It is just tempting fate.

leanneperry · 03-17-2007, 06:37 PM

My daughter had a girl/boy sleep over for her 13th bday.

Never again.... we had the girls sleep inside and the boys sleep in the guest house and they still managed to cause trouble. The boys climbed onto the roof to get to the girls bedroom windows and I ended up having to sleep in the girls room with them.

The next girl/boy sleep over will be for her 25th birthday!!

blade · 03-29-2007, 02:29 PM

My teenage daughter, 15 has been invited to a boy and girl sleep over for a couple of weeks time and I'm not sure whether to let her go. I trust her and know she won't do anything stupid and her friends seem really nice so I'm not sure, I think I'll maybe have a word with the parents to ask them about sleeping arrangements etc.

Parents Forum

Parenting Community

Pregnancy Forums

Parenting Resources