amanda

This may be long. Sorry.

In 2006 my daughter discovered boys. She is 13 years old. Until then she was a great student, hard worker, and basically an all around good kid. But after she met this boy all that changed. She met him at school. I can't really tell you how or when but I can tell you she begain to go downhill right after the meeting.

I was really unaware of the boy until the school called me to let me know that my daughter had been caught skipping school, drinking beer, and they needed me to come get her. I had to go to the school and the sherriff released her to me with a citation. The reason the cops were there was because the boy had threatened to take a gun to school so they went to search his house and found my daughter, her best friend, and the two boys there.

I grounded her. I was very angry and told her not to be talking to that boy. She then ran my phone bill up to $300 twice because the boy had a cell phone from another area she was calling. Mind you she wasn't even supposed to be on the phone.

Then she skipped getting on the bus from school and went sneaking off to see the boy. This caused another big fight. Which ended in her demanding to go live with her dad. Her dad had recently came back into her life after only seeing her a few times over the years. She wanted to live with him and wanted to go to court and tell a judge that she wanted to live there. I let her go. I thought that maybe he could get her to mind.

She has been gone since March. I miss her so much and she only recently has shown any intrest in seeing me and her sister. I went to get her last Friday and she stayee the night. During our time talking together she did a lot of complaining about her step mother and how she doesn't like the was she favors her son over her.

To tell you the truth I am wondering if anyone else has gone through a situation like this and did the child decide to come home in the end.

SageMother

My step daughter has gone through something similar with my step grand sons. They wanted to live with their father and, once there, found their stepmother difficult to live with, probably because they still had rules.

Did my stepdaughter lett hose boys come back? No.

Moving from place to place to find the easiest ride can't be allowed when it comes to situations like this. You may need to tell your daughter that you will not discuss her current situation because she made the choice and it was supported by the judge. EVen though you miss her, she needs to live with her decision.

Kaytee

What sagemom says is probably the best way to go about it. I know you would you love for your dd to come home, but as long as her father is giving her a "good" home she needs to live with her decision at least one year. I would definately talk to her father about it and say, look if she still wantst o come back after one year thn we should let her. How far does she live from you now? I ask because if she is far away then this may not be feasable

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tater03

I would agree with what everyone above has posted. If you do decide to let her come back home now or later you really need to stress that she is to follow your rules. There will come a time that the courts will take over and start sending or to DH or put her on probation and then she is going to wish that she followed your rules. Good luck I know this cannot be an easy situation in the least.

amanda

She only lives five minutes from my house. I miss her so much. I think I may not have explained this right. The judge did not get involved. We never went to court over this she just went to her dads.

Joyce

Hi Amanda, I can relate to your problem because when my 15 year old was 12-13, that was when my life became more challenging. Things are much better now, but for a while I sure had my hands full keeping her out of trouble and away from bad influences.

Has your daughter gotten involved with drugs or sex? Those are the two biggies for kids that age! Got to becareful because if she is, she is not likley to come out and tell you directly, but their are likely to be signs if she is involved in either.

amanda

yes she is involved in sex. I am positive about that. As far as the drus I am not sure. But I have my suspicions.

janus76

yea as long as she is being looked after by a family member dont beat yourself up she is in good hands and keep up your contact with her and just remeber that this is because she is a teenager and not because of anything you have done

Tazza

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and its good to see how much support there actually is online. I didn't intend to join a forum or even post here I was just reading through the posts and I came across your post Amanda.

When my daughter reached 11 the life that I knew had come to an end, first she cut her wrists and stood there laughing at me as she put them into my face, this wasn't my daughter and this happened over night. She went from a wonderful girl to being possessed over night.

I took her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation, and was shocked when she told me that I had to learn to say no as she was a spoiled child. She said that her actions were more of a threat to keep me giving her everything she wanted rather than a suicide attempt. Things only got worse.

Skipping school was the next phase but it was just the beginning, after 7 yrs of hell I need to talk about it, it's been so hard along the way.

Amanda you need to be strong please stand your ground in what ever choice you make. I wish you all the best and hope things pull through for you.

Joyce

Sorry for not getting back you sooner.... if she has had sex already, I recommend that you take her to see a gynecologist to make sure she is physically healthy. Depending on how mature your daughter is, having sex could cause tearing and other kinds of internal injuries. I don't mean to be too graphic, but girls that age are still developing, and having a male erection rapidly thrusted in and out of their vagina before they are mature enough can cause injuries and scaring. Some girls at that age can physical handle intercourse, but the best person who is going to tell you that everything is OK is a gynecologist.

Any further idea about drug use? Need to be careful for the obvious reasons, but also be aware that sexually active girls quickly figure out that they can trade sex for drugs, and 12 year olds who are having sex won't have any any problems finding boys and men willing to make that trade.