josie

My 13 year old daughter has a piano exam next week but her teacher is away (she knew this when she booked my daughter in for the exam).

My daughter is panicking now that she doesn't play well enough. I am an accomplished pianist myself and work in the music industry and I've tried to help her but she just shouts and cries telling me not to tell her how to play the piano even though she's the one who came winging to me in the first place.

I want to help her because I can see how stressed out she is and I can tell you that there are errors in her playing that can easily be fixed if she's just listen to me.

How can I get through to her? Does she want my help or not?

Dadu2004

Aaaah yes. A 13 year old not listening and getting help from her parents? Hmmmm...something in me says that's normal!

I'm a musician myself (sax, clarinet, guitar) and I know how frustrating it can be to deal with practice issues. I guess I would suggest to let it go and she'll come find you when she's ready. Keep encouraging her but let her deal with practice until she's ready to have you involved. If she comes back to you whining again, say "look, I want to help you, but you have to want me to help you".

Good luck!

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HappyMomma

Wow, this is a perfect "Love and Logic" opportunity. LOL

My feeling is that if she wants you to help her in the time before the exam then she will have to accept the help and not scream at ya.

If not, she will learn the consequences of not preparing herself before an exam that she knew was coming. And hopefully make a better decision next time.

I would also like to add that it is better to empathize with her about it rather than "I told ya to practice." It will help diffuse conflict if you show that you are understanding of the choice that she made and you would feel the same way if you were in her position.

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The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

Music-dad

Couple of questions

Is this an RCM exam (Canada), if so, what grade?
Where is she having the most problems?
Is there another teacher that you can send her too for 2 or 3 lessons before the exam?

I'll try my best to help.

josie

Thank you for your responses. So, I see the best thing to do is let her realise that if she needs help she'll have to come to me calmly and I should 'advise' her rather than 'tell' her.

Thanks for your reply. We're in the UK so it's ABRSM grade 5. She's having some issues with fingering - I think she should play hands seperately for a couple of days to sort out these intricies and then put them back together.

I think she's lacking the confidence boost her teacher would give her.

HappyMomma

It's my opinion that our kids need to learn these life lessons early on before adulthood when the consequences for bad decisions become much more severe. If she goes out into the world and screams and yells about someone helping her... do you think they are going to continue trying to help or just say "forget it!"

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The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

Music-dad

Absolutely hands seperately, and slowly, fingering is about muscle memory and the brain can learn a mistake just as easy as the right way.

Once she puts it to hands together, start slow, and gradually bring it back up to speed, for the exam...and RCM student would get higher points for too slow but accurate, other than up to speed but sloppy.