samanthab

Hello,
I need your advice. As you all maybe know, our daughter Becky is 14 years old (Marc is 8) and a rhythmic gymnast. She wants to get to know boys. She wants a boyfriend as she told me. Her friends (14, 15) have boyfriends already. Becky is very sad that she hasn’t any boyfriend, especially during the holidays (first love etc.). She added that her friends are more feminine than her. They wear bikinis (even thong ones), make-up, high-heeled pumps and costume jewelries.

We will drive to the ocean on holidays. Becky said to me that she wants to look more feminine then and later at home, too. She wants to wear a one-piece swimsuit. I shall help her to furl the swimsuit’s leg cut as far as possible above her hipbones to make her legs looking even longer. In addition, I have to snatch up the suit’s bottom part and putting it between her buttocks to create a thong look. Becky wants to get a fancy hairstyle, big wire earrings and lip gloss as well. She told me that she wants to wear this one-piece swimsuit/hairstyle/earrings/make-up combination in the evening, too, together with high-heeled pumps when we walk down the boardwalk along the beach (as we do every year).

Well, I’m not that familiar with her desire style. But her friends wear such a style (thong bikinis etc.)! I want to support my daughter! What would you do? Do you have any tips for us?

Greetings,
Samantha

Momof12

Dear Samantha:

Having a House full of daughters I walked down many roads with them. I am firm believer in keeping our children as young as they can be life, around them moves so quickly enough. Any of you in your 40's all know how quickly age sneaks up on you! As far as the clothing goes each for me ( Now I always say this because I never want to offend anyone) This is just me when they are still living in my home and I am buying thier clothes and feeding them they will dress with taste and class. I always tell my kids there are two types of people in this world Leaders and Followers they need need to know where they want to be. As parents we need to help guide them down the right path. The lip gloss is fine and even the hoops. I think you can find a Nice Swim Suit she will feel pretty in with out half her behind showing to the world.

She may not like what you will tell her but I do believe children in the long run all want structure and truely need it. Good luck!!!

fallon

honestly...she can dress feminine without looking like a street walker. There is no chance I would allow a 14 to wear a thong, or heels. Find some cute clothes you can both agree on and go from there. If you let her do thins she WILL be attract the wrong kind of attention and could very well get herself into a bad situation

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Dadu2004

Someone once told me, and my sisters: If you dress like trash, you'll attract trash.

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Trina

What fallon said!

Firefly4698

I agree with what everyone else is saying, however you can help her dress more feminine without looking trashy. You must come to a supportive comprimise with her on this because we were all 14 once and I know that the more my parents told me that I could not do something, the more effort I put in to doing it without thier knowledge. She could do the same thing, for example taking outfits and makeup to school behind your back to change in to after she leaves the house. Then you would have no idea what she looks like when she is not around you. You should let her know that you are supportive of her desire for change in her look, but find some comprimise. Go shopping together, help her find feminine but not too revealing clothes, have a mother daughter make up session where you show her how to apply makeup properly with out over doing it, etc. I think things will work out better if she knows that you respect her desires and comprimise with her rather than just telling her what she is not allowed to do.

.:Kalli Rae:.

I think there are some good advice in the posters. You need to be supportive but firm with her. It is good to look more feminine but that doesn't involve looking like a 14 yo hooker. Thongs, heels...you are asking for trouble. It's a scary place out there and that kind of clothing attracts the wrong kind of attention. Personally I think its the people who dress nicely and dress age-appropriately are more attractive than people who don't. She is just a little girl...let her grow up slowly, she will be all grown and (maybe) out of the house in 4 short years. Help her enjoy being 14.

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Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.
Kalli Rae--
Mommy to:
Aaron Joseph- 8yrs Lily Ann Marie- 7yrs Kyla Raye- 4yrs

Claire64

I agree with the other posters, there are ways to look more feminine without looking trashy.

For the beach, there are lots of bikinis and tankinis that are meant for teenage girls that aren't too revealing. American Eagle and Old Navy have lots.

Jewelery is fine, but I think high-heels should only be worn on special occasions, and only with a dress or skirt.

Firefly had a good idea about makeup, you should show her how to use it properly.

mandrsmom

Wow! I agree with everyone, compromise. Start slow with lip gloss and earings. I personally do not like thong bathing suits. Everytime my 16 year old dd and I buy her a new swimsuit, she has to model it in front of her father, before the tags come off. If he doesn't like it then, it goes back. Because of this my dd, knows what kind of swimsuits she can get, so it doesn't cause an argument.

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mandrsmom

Oh another thing, boyfriends at 14 & 15? Are these just at school boyfriends? My daughter was not allowed to date until she was 16. She could go out in groups, and have guy friends, but no one on one dates.

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