Xero

I'm sorry... I feel your pain, but in a different way. I have a fourteen year old little brother that's a lot like that. My parents are constantly fighting because of him and 50-75% of the problems in that house are because of him. My parents raised 5 other decent kids besides him, so I don't know what his problem is. I think he has some major mental problems. Sadly to say, I don't have any emotional connection to this sibling of mine at all, except STRONG dislike.

He WILL NOT LISTEN to my parents EVER. He does whatever he wants, when he wants to no matter what they do. He does not do a chore in the whole house where the other kids have tons of responsibilities, he has none because he cannot be trusted. He beats up my 8yr old brother, spits and swears at my mom, lies to everyone about everything, steels as often as possible from my siblings or from his school. Right after my sister got foot surgery and was on crutches, he tripped her on purpose and upon being asked why he told us "I thought it would be funny". He has SO MUCH counceling its not even funny, and all of his councelors and teachers say they do not know what to do with him or how to help him. They try, but it goes nowhere. He has nothing BUT consistency.

He on two occasions while outside told my 8yr old brother to play in the road on his bike while a car was coming, in honest hopes that he would get hit. He said it with his own mouth!!!! He'll tell anyone he doesn't care one tiny bit about any of his family. He has no friends, and the people he calls his friends don't get along with him.

When talking to you, the things he'll tell you are just SO messed up!! It's scary sometimes and I worry about my younger siblings, especially the littlest. He targets him, and I also think the little one is picking up on his ways. I hate it, I wish my parents would throw him out in some boys home. All they ever do is try to love him and shape him into a good person, and all he does is hurt them and cause trouble. He goes out of his way to make my parents fight. I don't know what's wrong with him.

So I see my parents struggle with him everyday, and I feel very bad for you Steve. Good luck with that.

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Steve

He's now back at his Dad's house, permanently. It's deep in the WV hills, with nothing/nobody around for him to be getting in trouble with.

Most families don't have an option to "send him back" like we did, but in the end it was his own choice as much as any. No way is mom gonna say "get out" because then he'd blame it on her. Instead, we kept giving him rope and he did all the wrong things with it. He decided that he couldn't put up with us, our rules and our caring so he's going back to Dad's.

Now mom sees what I and some other adult men have been saying for a long time - kid needs to do as he's told, not as he wants. But I did see mom try so hard to tell him what to do and all he did was lie, steal, heap on the verbal and nearly physical abuse, etc. etc.

Dad isn't going to let his 18 yr old boyfriend anywhere near either, you can bet.

Everyone, especially mom, is revelling in a calmer, quieter, non-abusive household now. She's feeling so very free, lighter and brighter with this burden gone. And she did do absolutely everything she could - there are no lingering questions, doubts or "what if"s.

Steve

Xero -

Sounds so much the same as I've been dealing with. If he keeps it up he'll eventually get in trouble with authorities beyond Mom & Dad. Like my stepson - 2 weeks ago he was confronted, all on different occasions, by the principal, local police, state police and a federal agent. Judges and parole officers may be in the future, and that may be what it takes.

We rent a house to a nice guy whose 22 yr old son still doesn't understand how to keep outta trouble. Dad's tried and tried - done all the right stuff. Dad told me last week that if there's one more screw-up involving the police then his son knows where the rescue mission is. And he, too, is at peace that he's trying his level best. I see him leave here at 2:00 a.m. sometimes to help that boy.

Good luck to your family and parents. There's just no way to end this soon.

Xero

Thanks. I figure it's all a matter of time, too.

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meow_173

WOW! So now he is gay as well????
(not that there is anything wrong with that, but its just one thing after another with this kid!)
How long has he had a bf?
Do you think its just another "acting out" situation?

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Xero

I think there's some advantage being taken by the 18yr old of the 14yr old... That's illegal, you know. Not only is it stachetory (sp!?!?!?) but it's also corruption of a minor. I'm NOT saying that the boy is not gay or does not originally like the same sex all by himself, but I am saying that it's easy for an 18yr old young adult to convince an impressionable young mind like his into thinking it would be cool to be with a guy. I just think it's very sketchy...

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Steve

14 yr old has been claiming bi-sexualism for a couple years. Often found in his sister's clothes, loves playing with makeup, wigs, etc. I'm OK with gay as long as it's well-thought out, mature, not all in flames. But that's not what's been going on. Least of all the mature part.

Yeah, we know we could prosecute the 18 yr old. At the very least he has bad judgment. At the most, he's unlawful. But none of that will stop our 14 yr old's behavior.

So, Thursday as I noted above he went back to his dad's. Tonight has been very eventful with him trying to get back here. Mom actually wanted to give him one more chance and said "OK" but only because there's just another month of school.

Then she found out all the lies son told her just to get her to agree, and she's had it. I'll spare ya'll the details but the little guy sure is working hard to get his way - wrong as it all is.

Mom's firm, and I'm glad: he's not coming back tonight, even though he threatens to run away from his dad's tonight and - get this - his 18 yr old bf showed up on request. That's a 90 minute drive rather lateish on a Sunday night.

Had it, 17 and 18 yr old sisters have had it, and I hope mom sticks to her guns. Yet another night when the little weirdo (yup, I'm saying that) disrupted two households 90 minutes apart for an entire evening.

Teresa

Steve...with everything I'm going through with my 18 yr old daughter right now, I can definitely relate to Mom. I know how hard it is to stick to a decision like that when it's one of your babies....but we have to be strong and do what we know is right for us and for them. Tough love is a rough road, but sometimes it's the only one left.

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Wife to Barry
Mother to Brian,Adrienne and Amy
Christianity is not a religion like most people think. Christianity is a life of imitating Jesus.

Steve

Looks like it's sticking. Dad & son stopped by here today to collect his school books, turn 'em in and un-register him from this school. Then they're headed back to register him anew in the other school. Shame he couldn't just behave 4 more weeks to finish here.

Mom's upstairs now cleaning his room out - I already pulled the mattresses.

Looks like the deed is done and peace and tranquility will return to this house.

At least we have the option to "send him back to his dad." I know a lot of families with kids like this don't have that option. And after all of this, I still have little advice.

I did get a better handle on it with "The Total Transformation" course by James Lehman. I wish I hadn't spent $300 on it but it's part of many things I did that satisfy me I've done my best.

Sudden thought: Anyone want to buy this (if that's allowed here)? Best offer accepted.

mbw2123

I love the total transformation. I thought it was worth the money! So I suggest anyone who needs to manage challenging behaviors take him up on this offer!!