ej3

We've had my dh's 16 year old nephew living with us for 6 months and it's tough. I'm starting to think that he just can't HELP getting himself into trouble. We've had dangerous driving, fake ids, drinking, drugs, no-shows at school, fighting at school, disrespect, lying, complete disregard for schoolwork, complete disrespect for the concept of a 'curfew', complete disrespect for the concept of 'chores'......I could go on. He's a bit of a train wreck......
Of course not all these things ALL the time, but something always seems to be rearing it's head...
He's one of those kids, "when he's good, he's very good and when's he's bad"...., he's a nightmare. We knew what we were getting into when we took him in but the reality of the daily 'battle' is certainly tiring....
Dh loves him like a son and can't bear the thought of losing him to drugs and alcohol and legal problems. Dh is good with him, and the kid responds.......temporarily - but it's never long before there's something new. He just doesn't seem to be able to (or maybe want to!) control himself, or keep himself out of trouble.

We're trying not to create conflicts and battles, we're trying to keep open communication and teach him about attitude and character and thinking about the choices that he makes. He just doesn't seem to have many clues in the areas of respect for others, consequences of his behavior, even good manners! Maybe he just needs more time to settle into our way of doing things. With his mother it was all about conflict and yelling and slamming doors and running away from problems. His mother always struggled with raising and disciplining him, his stepfather always fought with him. I don't think that he's used to listening and talking or being confronted and held responsible for his behavior....

Sometimes I wonder if we shield him too much from bearing the FULL brunt of the natural and adult consequences of his behavior and choices but on the other hand I think that he still needs an adult hand in guiding him down the right paths. He wants to live like an adult, but if we 'let him go' I just know that he would be swallowed up immediately and end up in real, big trouble...I just feel like we need to keep trying - and he does give us glimpses of a good kid inside.

I'm not even sure what I was looking for when I started this thread.....umm anyone with any advice?

buzziebaby

Have a look at the National Guard Youth Challenge Program they have facilities all over the states and the program is 6month residential and a total of 17 months post residential and it is FREE
It helps young men and women to obtain self respect, pride, humility and discipline. Here is the website National Guard Youth ChalleNGe Program.
My son attended Sunburst in Southern California, best decision he has ever made.

fallon

I think it's time to start looking into some kind of program for him...whether it be grooming him to join the military or putting him in rehab. He has to learn that him action could result in serious consquences

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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Sirk

And no one answered this thread for 6 months. That's sad.

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