HappyMomma

Why is this a bad thing?

With the exception of the fighting, he sounds like the kind of kid a lot of parents would love to have.

Maybe try sitting down with him and compromise a bit. Allow him a certain amount of freedom (which it sounds like he needs) in return for him following certain house rules.

Also have you considered trying to do some family outings with him like camping or nature trailing? Sounds like the other kiddos could stand to get out from the front to the TV and video games.

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The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

3kids4me

I agree with the others here. I don't particularly think you're trying to make him into the same as your other kids but you are trying to have him fit your preconcieved idea of what a 16 year old is like.

He's grown up in a different environment and as hard as it is for you to get used to him, he's probaby having just as much trouble adjusting to you and your ways.

Try to compromise - he sounds really intellegent and wants you to treat him as an adult so talk to him as an adult. Ask him to try to meet you part way with your concerns and explain to him what they are.

For example, going off with people he doesn't know - you know he's capable of taking care of himself but I would still feel a little uncomfortable - ask him to just give you a courtacey call to let you know who he's with and where he is if he's going off with someone. Get him a cell phone if he doesn't have one on the condition that he use it to keep you updated so you don't worry.

If he's going into the forest, ask him to give you a plan of where and what he will be doing and when you should be able to expect him to be back. If you remind him that this is a good practice for adults as well he might be more responsive. The idea is not so that you can check up on him, but so that you know where to look if he doesn't come back. Doing these kinds of activities alone leaves him open to potential injury and if you don't know his "flight plan" you won't know.

Give examples that apply to adults. I don't go off places without my husband knowing who I'm with and where I'm going and aproximately when I expect to be back. Not because he doesn't trust me or that I have to report to him, it's just a matter of respect.

Keep working at it and adjusting to get things comfortable but something that I've noticed is that children will often act as badly as you expect them to .... but they have a remarkable way of also managing to live up to well thought out high expectations as well. Expect him to act like a man and have faith that he will be responsible and chances are he will.

Lisa

Aunt

On the travel thing. i know i did this before going to college as a young adult and it was very broadening. If you can't afford it have him get a job perhaps in a book store or coffee house. He can hang with his friends and save up for something worthwhile. You may be able to met him half way with a few bucks.
Like Music Dad said don't be scared of the punks. I was one of these kids, they don't bite. Try and get to know his friends. Obviously don't embarass him by following him to the coffee house, but perhaps go on another occasion. You might find that some of these adult intellects are really good influences on the boy. Often kids can be a bit snotty and aloof at this age. I think it is because like everything that you experience for the first time, you imagine you are the only one or your family does not get it. I felt like this when I took a summer class on existentialist philosophy when I was about this age. My professor was the smartest guy in the world and i was surrounded by cooler older college students. i felt like my parents were philistines in comparison. In hindsight i was insufferable.
Finally remember that he may be missing his dad. A kid of this age might find it hard to admit this. it sounds like this kid is asserting his independence in pretty healthy ways. Be happy about this