stephanie

Hi,
I am new here. I am having a very tough school year with my 16 year old son. He is in the tenth grade. He was diagnosed with adhd when he was young, and while it has gotten better now that he is older,,he is doing horrible in school. He is really bright, and loves drama and is going to be in a play at the end of this month, but he hates homework and is failing science, and is close to failing everything except digital design and drama. The most frustrating part is that he is really very intelligent, but grades don't mean anything to him. I am having him assessed by the school for any learning difficulties, they IQ test him and observe him in classes and stuff. Havn't gone for the meeting yet, but was told he has definately failed science for the year and will have to go to summer school. I try to force him to do his work, but sometimes he does it, then loses it or forgets to hand it in. Sometimes he lies and says he doesn't have any homework. He has no motivation to achieve and I don't know what to do, any suggestions would be appreciated. I should also say that he is a very funny kid, his teachers love his sense of humour and enjoy him, so at least he isn't being rude or obnoxious about his refusal to do any work. I am trying to see the bright side of things somehow! : ) meanwhile, I feel like a horrible parent for not being able to make him be a good student. I am stressed out and very sad about the whole thing.

Music-dad

Sorry to hear that, oh and welcome.

As for the lying about homework, when you meet with the teacher/school tell them to implicate a homework book...after each class he is to write down his homework assignments, and the teacher initials it. After the work is complete and shown to you, you initial it. The school will be most likely happy to do this for you....your son might not like it, but he brought this on himself.

Get him a home tutor that's what my Mom did for us and it worked wonders, oddly enough Mom and the tutor became close friends ever since (like 25+ years).

Stay on top of his homework, so he doesn't forget or lose it.

sadinplaid

Teenagers are the spawn of satan. I aready dread my DD becoming one. I like music-dad's advice. It's the only way you can know he has homework to make him do it... I wish there were an easy way to convince 9th and 10th graders that what they do now can effect what they accomplish later. My husband found out the hard way when he lost chances for scholarships because he screwed around in 9th grade.

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stephanie

Thank you Music Dad and Sadinplaid!,
Last year they did have a learning support program that I signed my son up for, which included this assignment book thing. This year it wasn't available, but now that I am having him tested, I am going to request that at the meeting, and it is an excellent suggestion. Thanks. In fact, last year if he didn't get it signed by the teacher and me, the learning support teacher made him eat lunch in her office instead of with his friends! For some reason
they did away with the program, and my son hated it, but at least I could keep track of what he was responsible for. Otherwise, how can I know if he is telling the truth?
I guess mostly its the stress of dealing with all of this alone. His Dad moved out of the area last year and only has some weekend visitation, which has become less and less since he just got engaged recently, and my son doesn't like going to his house because its out in the middle of nowhere. Today I called his father, and told him I need help and I need him to become more involved. I think my son responds to his father with more respect, and quite frankly, teenage boys are tough to deal with! I guess thats what has prompted my post here, I need support and I feel alone. So thanks for the advice and support, and if nothing else comes out of that meeting, I want to at least have knowledge about what he is supposed to be doing. Also, the home tutor is a great idea, but not sure if I have the finances right now..but perhaps I should find a way to get the finances, after all, it is his future at stake.

Teresa

Honestly...I don't believe that a person can motivate another person. I believe that true motivation has to come from inside the person. He has to WANT an education, and you can't create that desire in anyone. You mention that he was diagnosed with ADHD...how is it being treated? As the mother of an 18 yr old with ADHD, I know that can make a HUGE difference in their school experience.

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Wife to Barry
Mother to Brian,Adrienne and Amy
Christianity is not a religion like most people think. Christianity is a life of imitating Jesus.

Cthru

Hi I'm new too.

I'm having the same kind of difficulties with my 15yr old daughter.
I have tried the parent/student initial thing.. even that does not work well for long for us. With my situation it's like the 'you can lead a horse to water' type of thing.. i am on her all the time.. she can't watch tv or use the computer until i've seen her sit at the table and do at least 1.5 - 2 hours of homework... and I will SEE her doing something - but it's just the 'motions' she's not trying to learn, she's not focused.. she's doing what she has to do to get through the time so she can go on about her day.

It's very very difficult and frustrating. We just have to stay consistant I think and try to keep them focused on their future.

stephanie

Yes, it is frustrating! I just found out that he has failed science, and is being removed from the class because he is being disruptive. (hates his science teacher) He has done so poorly in science, that he isn't even eligible for summer school now. He would have had to get a 50 % this marking period.

As far as the ADHD treatment, he is on the highest possible dose of concerta really, 72 mg. I try to read up and study about different techniques to use to reward/punish him, but the truth is that it really does have to come from the student. I guess at this point, I am looking forward to summer so I can have a break from his issues at school. Next year, I do plan on trying to get him either into homework club (did that in the past, but he refused this year), or get him a home tutor somehow.

Good luck with your struggles with your daughter, these teen years are much harder than I anticipated!

musicmom

stephanie

Yeah, I already have his video game under lock and key, and his tv was being stored in the trunk of my car but it kept rolling around, so I have hidden it in my bedroom! I never thought of the bare walls, a desk, and a pencil! Perhaps its time to consider putting him under total social restriction until his attitude improves. My only concern was that I want to find out the results of the assesment so I feel confident that I am not punishing him for some kind of learning disorder or something. I know he has the ADHD, but that is really no excuse for not doing any work. He is bright and capable of at least putting forth a little effort. Home Boot camp in the fall may be the only way to go!