Father_0f_6

I'm new to this board and I was hoping I would get a chance to answer some of your questions and get to know some of you better before I had to ask a question, but that dowsnt seem to be the case.

A little background...I have known my wife since we were born, we had a child (Megan) at age 17, and while having a child out of wedlock so young was DEFINATLY not planned, it quickly turned out to be a blessing in disquise for me...but that is a story for a different day. Because for the struggles Amber (my wife) and I went throuh so many years ago, our children know the consequences of premarital sex. Unfortunatly our oldest son (Dylan) doesnt seem to care...but this isnt about him.

On to my question.

Whild I was putting away laundry for my wife the other day I stumbled across my 14 year old daughter's (Cassie) diary and it just seemed to fall open (I know, I know, really feel bad about that). She is NOT allowed to date until she show more maturity and we think she is ready, we have allowed her friend Josh to come over to our house for a - what we call - "In home date". Come to find out she "loves" him and is seriously thinking about having sex with him. (by the way, he's not my favorite person right now, incase you didnt guess). What do I do? Amber and I are at a loss. I am not, in any sircumstance letting my 14 year old little girl to have sex. Should I ground her, she hasnt, from what I know, done anything yet? Should we not allow Josh to come over anymore? I really need help on this one. Thank you in advance

- Christian

Dadu2004

Oh boy... Ok, well first off.. Welcome!

OK, so the diary fell and seemed to fall open. Then your eyes happened to fall on the pages and the words seemed to get into your brain? Hmmm....another debate for another time.

That's tough...I'm afraid if you ground her that she'll simply rebel and do it anyway. You might then have a bigger issue on your hands. Personally, I would confront her on it and maturely discuss it with her as an adult. Talk to her about the ramifications of sex...it's something that she'll never be able to get back (her virginity). Talk to her about the risks...STD's, pregnancy, peer pressure, etc. See what her reactions are to these things.

If those don't work...lock her in a closet. Good luck my friend. Keep us informed.

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fallon

If your daugther finds out you read her diary she will most definatly stop trusting you for quite a while. Have the sex talk with her but don't let her know what you did or even that you know she's thinking about going all the way with this boy. Just tell her you think it's time youy all had this talk because she's getting older. I personally think alos if you try to keep her from this boy you'll be pushing her right into his bed. Good luck...this is a tough one. One more peice of advice for you though, next time your daughter diapry falls open in front of you, keep walking.

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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Father_0f_6

Amber spoke to her a little before school today, and she is planning on talking to her more tonight. Then I am planning on talking to her. I'm not going to tell her I read her diary, that seems like it would be the wrong thing to do, of course I understand it was wrong to read it in the first place.

While I hope this works and she doesnt have sex until she is 40, cant I just go ahead and lock her in the closet forever?!? just kidding.

Xero

Yeah, unfortunately, as much as I would ALWAYS want to read EVERY WORD of my teenage daughter's diary (if I had one that is), I know from experience with my own diaries that if I did that, I'd go completely crazy. You can guarantee that every time you open it up, you will read something that will make your eyes pop out of your head and give you a small heart attack (as a parent). LOL so if I were you, I would avoid that. I don't blame you for looking though, I would have too. I'm weak and I worry a lot.

Anyway I hope your talk goes well, I agree with everyone else that you should just talk to her long and hard about it.

OH!!! I have something funny to share that maybe you could use. I saw this on that TV show where they switch mom's to different households with kids and all that. You know. This one mom on there explained sleeping with people when you're young like this and I found it hilarious and effective-looking lol :

She said to stand there with the kids in a circle, holding a candy bar (wrapper off). Show it to them, have them describe how nice and tasty and flawless it looks, and then pass it to the kid next to you and tell them to pass it around slowly as you talk. While they pass it around, explain to them that they should wait until they find the right person before they decide to have sex, until they're older and they find the one they KNOW they want to marry, or be with forever whatever. Do the whole talk, explain what sex at a young age could lead to, and that they should respect their bodies as being special and so on and so on I'm sure you could think of things....

At the end, sometime when you end up with the candy bar in your hand, it will of course be melted and sticky and falling apart and gross looking, because it's been all over the place and touched by a bunch of people and basically used. Then pull out a new unwrapped candy bar and hold them both up and say "This one represents what your innocence will be like if you sleep around now without finding it important to wait, and this one represents what it will look like if you don't give yourself away and you keep yourself the way you're meant to be until you find the one. Which one of these do you want to give to your husband/wife?"

I don't know, I'm bad at expaining things, but you get it. I thought it was so cool and I will so do that with my kids. That way I'll just hope it helps them wait, but I wont exactly EXPECT it to work. They'll make their own decisions, but I can help guide them with my crazy candy bar speach. Good luck!

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MidwestMom

Xero, that is a great way of teaching them about saving them self for the one! I love it.

Father, I hope that you can get through to her, or possibly your wife can. Its so difficult to be a parent these days. The pressure to be sexy, the pressure to fit in and the pressure to be doing what everyone else is doing will make us all gray.

I know that my boys friends really didn't care about the different possibilities that could occur from being sexually active. I know several girls that are parents that are just babies themselves. As a father, the thought of someone doing that with your daughter has to make you unbelievably sick.

There are times that you will have to trust her, and trust that your parenting got through to her.

Lets hope that she continues to just think about it, and not act on it.

I'm really pulling that you get the results that you want from talking with her.