Shoelover12

I have a daughter who is turning 14. All we do is fight. She called her Grandma crying today because I don't love her. I don't know what to do. She won't do anything I ask her to. All she cares about is being popular at school, making people think we have money and her friends. She treats me, my husband, her little sister and brother like crap. She talks back, rolls her eyes, etc.
Two days ago my husband and I went out of town for the day, she was in charge of watching our dogs (we have 2 dogs and one is only 4 months old). We have to keep them in kennels while no one is there. She left them in their cage for 18 hours and doesn't see why I am so upset by it. The little one ended up doing his business in the cage and had to sit in it all day. What do I do? How do I get through to her. I am at the point where I don't even want her around.

WHYTEKNYGHT2003

first of all, welcome to the forums. second of all, this may just be a phase. seems shes about the age of fitting in, and that may be why shes trying to make people think that she is rich. IMO it is a phase that she will grow out of hopefully. does she have alot of freedom to go out and be with her friends?

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Shoelover12

Thank you and I am glad to be here.
She does have a lot of freedom. That is why this sucks so much. I feel like I am a good parent. If she wants to go to a concert, I take her. She wanted her nose pierced, so I took her. At the same time, I have always made her earn them by doing extra chores or watching her brother and sister while my husband and I go out.

WHYTEKNYGHT2003

ok. well 14? shes probably just started high school, yea? it sounds like to me that you are doing your job pretty well as a parent. i think thats its just a rebellious period that she is going through. how long has this been going on?

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Shoelover12

About a two years now. We moved to a more upscale neighborhood. These kids blow my mind. They have to have big parties for their birthdays, etc. Fashion is huge for them. My daughter adapted immediately. She is now the student body president and wants all the perks these other kids have. She is constantly telling me how rich these other people are and how much money her friends get. I keep telling her that they are not rich and are probably very in debt. I am financially smart and have no debt. We have a boat, dirt bikes, etc. Which I would think would make her happy but these things don't matter to her. She wants designer jeans, make up and jewelry. I refuse to give her hundreds of dollars to blow on things. I am happy to give her money but not like that.

WHYTEKNYGHT2003

Thats completely understandable. well it just sounds like these other kids are having a heavy influence on her, was probably a big change for her. i would let her splurge once in a while to show that yes you do care, but not making it a habit. also having her earn it. say one pair of designer jeans, but only one. or let her get a nice pendant necklace or the like, but only once. in moderation i guess i am trying to say. i dont have any kids of my own, but that sounds like it may be a decent compromise for her. i hope this helps

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hannah's mommy

She is just trying to fit in with her friends. Teenage girls can be so cruel, don't you remember? It is really, really hard.

Her wanting to fit in is perfectly acceptable.

Her attitude is not! I know it is "normal" behavior for a teen, but that doens't mean you should have to put up with it. She needs consequences for back-talk and treating family members badly. Logical consequences for her behavior. I don't see why if she is treating her brother badly, that she shouldn't have to stay in on a friday night and spend some quality time with him....

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Shoelover12

I actually do punish her. I ground her, take away her cell phone (which is the worst punishment in the world for her) and make her sit down with her brother and sister and watch a movie or something. The problem is, she takes it out on them. She tells them she hates them or starts yelling at them. So it is hard because they don't deserve that treatment. I feel like all I do is yell and punish her. It doesn't seem to work. She thinks I love the other two kids more than her. I end up feeling like a horrible mom and it is eating me alive.

fallon

I would continue to punish for the bad behavior and maybe reward for the good...like "well you've been acting very respectful to the family and I want to show you how much I appreciate the change in your attitude so I'm going to buy you a new outfit"

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Aunt

sounds typical of the age to me! I was given a really good book caled how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk