caryan

I'm really having a hard time and need some advice because I feel like I'm walking a delicate line with my son and our relationship. He is 17 and dating a girl who just turned 15...they have been dating for a couple of months now. I have been having a difficult time with the relationship as they both have been disrespectful in our home. From what I hear and see...her parents have no real boundries for her and she pretty much gets anything she wants.

While she has been visiting...I have walked into our family room and found them both in compromising positions a couple of times. We have discussed sex very openly and made sure our son is VERY well informed about the issue but I'm not going to enable it in my home. He has been asked to go on a few trips with her and her mother in which they would spend the night in a hotel and we felt it was completely inappropriate. We told him 'no' several times in which his girlfriends mother attempted to 'discuss' with us on letting him go...I was pissed and my hubby and me stuck to our guns...so already there is a struggle between our strict rules and their very liberal rules.

A few nights ago...my son went to a friends to hang out with a group of his buddies in which he spent the night. His girlfriend did go with him, but he said her mom did come get her at her 'curfew'. The next morning my son walks in the door and I asked him how he got home...and he said...'well, um..my girlfriends mom drove me home' OK RED FLAGS all over the place! We asked him why he didn't call for us to come get him and he said..'well her family was on the way to her Grandpa's house and since it was on the way..they picked me up'...and we said..'at 9am??'.

So after lots of talking, disputing and some arguing...I'm at a crossroads. I want to call her mom to find out exactly what happened...but if she did enable them to spend the night together...and she lies about it...then what? How do we deal with him going to her house if her parents are THAT liberal? I just don't know how to handle this power struggle emotionally...as I feel its a battle between me and his girlfriends mother.

Any help or insight will be very much appreciated.

hannah's mommy

I totally understand that you don't want to enable your teenage son to have sex. But at this point, he is nearly 18 and you have ensured that he is well informed, and I think that is pretty much all you can do. You are not going to change the girl's mother's behavior no matter what. I agree with not letting them go on trips together, or have sex in your house, but what he does otherwise...I am afraid that he will find ways to do what he wants to do.

fallon

I agree...there isn't much you can do other then keep him in the house until he's 18, I'm pretty sure that won't work.

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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

eric@sealguide

It sounds like you have a good moral compass going, but he is not willing or ready to follow you anymore.

There are many things you should, and could do at this point. First I recommend seeing a family counselor to help with the communication. Plus he will be able to learn somethings that he needs to know.

Second I would try and re-establish a bond with him. Give him something better to do than hang out with his friends. I have some ideas on my website.

http://web.mac.com/sealguides/Navy_S...hood/Home.html

Remember you are competing with the world, and now sex. You better make what ever activity you start doing with him a good one. It's late in the game though so I would start with a professional.

Eric

jenilouise

It seems obvious that you are being lied to and why this girls mom would enable sex between her daughter and your son is so beyond me. Call the mom and if she enabled it then I would say their time together has to be at your house from now on as her family can't be trusted.

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unmanaged

It seems there is little you can this close to 18. I would call her mother and find out. In the end I would just try to make the best of your days with your son and try to impart as much of your wisdom as you can, in an unimposing way. I do not know what to tell you about their relationship, but trying to stop it when your son is so old, will only lead to consequences with your relationship with your son. Hope it works out!