Parents Forum

vbt · 10-19-2007, 06:57 AM

I have a soon to be 17 year old daugter, She does not do drugs nor is she a party girl. Being a parent we all know when something troubles our children. My problem or concern is the boyfriend. My daughter has had 3 friends in whisch i would have considered her bestfriends, each have betrayed her trust and have urt her deeply. This makes her to be very private. She has friends at school but I relaly dont think she confides in them. My daughter does tell me somethings but not the whole story, sorry if that does not make sense, but she has told me that she does not want me to have a bad oppionion of her boyfriend.

I Have to mention the fact that I also have a 19 year old son. (my son and the boyfriend have some of the same aquaintences, and I do hear tidbit in my house but let them ride) Therefore this makes a mother curious.

When I have found out info I have let some things slide in the hopes that she will confind in me but she does not. We had a time awhile ago, that involved the boyfriend and i do belive he fooled around on her. She wont admit but it all adds up this way. Therefore I dont not really trust him. I do believe he has tried to redeem himself. He has no idea what i suspect. and they have no idea about the info I am aware of. I am almost to a breaking point. When I do find out information i feel so disappointed.

My question is: if I find out info, in which I have should I be telling my daugher. I dont want her to hate me but i also dont want her to be nieve.

I had absolutely no communication with my mother. I would appreciate advice from other teens and parents please.

fallon · 10-19-2007, 07:11 AM

well I don't have any kids this age but I was 17 not to long ago and personally I think you should just do your best to stay out of it. As long as she isn't in any danger you have to just let her figure things like this out on her own. It's all part of growing up. And chances are pretty good if you do tell her what you know she'll get very mad at you for getting in her bussiness. I don't doubt it'll be hard for you to keep this to yourself but I think it's the best thing you can do

Kaytee · 10-19-2007, 07:30 AM

The only thing I can think to say is that if you find out something that your daughter NEEDS to know, what about having her brother tell her. If her BF is aquaintence with the brother, it may go over better from him then from you.
Good luck though and keep us updated

vbt · 10-19-2007, 01:53 PM

Thank you for replying. This will be tough advice to follow fallon. I have to mention the fact that i do know more than she thinks because we have allowed the boyfriend to stay here thinking we would be able to monitor the situation better. The one thing she is open and honest about is sex education. Therefore knowing she is on birthcontrol. here is another question i hope you can help with. How do I as a mother handle it when I dont like the boyfriends behavior towards my daughter?

I can not get the brother to say anything Katee beacuse he does not care for the boyfriend and I have asked him not to interfear it was here choice. My son and daughter have a terriable relationship. Another issue, which is starting to get better. Once again thankyou and any other advice sould be appreciated.

Kaytee · 10-19-2007, 02:16 PM

eeks, well it is tough, because you want to protext her from the bf if he becomes abusive, but at the same time if you step to quick you may push her into the relationship further. Hopefully others will be able to give some good advise for you

TAR · 10-19-2007, 02:20 PM

I know it will be hard to stay out of things but you do want to keep your relationship with your daughter, right? what I get is that you don't like the way her boyfriend treats her, and you hear about things that are going on outside their relationship, also you know that your son and your daughters boyfriend don't get along. First off my mother never liked ANY of my boyfriends (not even my childrens father the man I'm with today - he had to grow on her..lol - she loves him now), but she didn't get into the whole he could be doing this thing and he is doing this, relationships are hard when your a teen and if my mother said anything about any of my boyfriends when I was 17 I wouldn't listen and i would be pissed because at that time I would feel like she don't understand (but as grown women we were there once and do understand, but our daughters don't know what experiences we had as teens). You said you 've allowed him to stay there thinking you could monitor the situation - That is not a good idea (my opinion) but letting him stay doesn't help, If you don't care for the way he treats her expecially... You wont be able to monitor every situation, nor will you see eveything that goes on in a relationship even though they are in your house. As you said you told your son not to interfear with the relationship because it was her choice and you shouldn't interfear either (unless you suspect that he is abusing her -hitting, emotionaly.. ect, that is the time I would step in). If yo do interfear with her choice all you will do is make her mad at you.

Teresa · 10-20-2007, 09:31 AM

I have a seventeen year old daughter myself. I think it depends on the relationship you have with your child. My daughter and I have the sort of relationship where I can tell her exactly what I think of her friends, female or male, and I can tell her if I hear something not so good about them. She then takes those things into consideration and handles the relationships as she sees fit.
Judging from what you've written about your relationship with your daughter, it sounds like your best course of action would be to just stay quiet and let her find her way on her own.

FooserX · 10-24-2007, 09:03 AM

How about you stop being vague and tell us what it is exactly that bothers you about your daughter's boyfriend.

Sounds like you're just being protective of your daughter, and hearing rumors. Do you know anything for a fact? If you're just worried about the boyfriend because he cheated on her...this is something she needs to handle. You do need to find a way to raise her self esteem though if that's the case...any girl with a lot of esteem wouldn't put up with it.

Kaytee · 10-24-2007, 11:30 AM

uummm... I'm sorry but Fooser you do not have a daughter or a teenager, so I think you should not be posting here

*****Being sarcastic due to other posts by this user*****

FooserX · 10-24-2007, 11:44 AM

Why are you following me all around?

You have a husband...this is totally inappropriate behavior, KT.

Parents Forum

Parenting Community

Pregnancy Forums

Parenting Resources