TammyZed

Morgan had an issue with that when he first came out, but he handled that very differently. He fought back, spoke up, and made very sure it wouldn't happen again. It's not like him to put up with crap from other people at all, which is why this whole thing has blindsided me.

He wants to go shopping today, and I'm hoping that the time with just the two of us will give an opportunity to talk about this. The beauty of having a serious discussion in the car is that Morgan can't leave unless he wants to become roadkill, so avoidance won't work.

Thanks everybody for your advice and support. I'm going to try to get Morgan to talk to me, and in the meantime severely limit the time he gets with Heshi (not allowed to be in his room, have to stay either on the main floor with me, or downstairs with the door open, and absolutely no going to Heshi's place).

musicmom

TammyZed

Thank you all again for the support and the advice, and the well-meaning kicks to the rear-end!

Well, after spending $300+ on him and watching Juno (it's good), Morgan seemed ready to talk. It's always terrifying/relieving when your kid cries. On one hand, that's your baby crying, and on the other, that's your baby about to open up to you.

I made a pot of tea and had a very long conversation. I asked a few questions, but mostly Morgan just talked. Once he got started, it was a lot easier for him to keep going.

I was right. It is Heshi.

Morgan had plenty of excuses and justifications, but as far as I'm concerned, there is absolutely NO way to justify or excuse what he's doing. I'm livid. Morgan seems to think that he's somehow brought this on himself.

I haven't set anything in stone yet, except that Heshi is no longer allowed on my property, and Morgan certainly isn't allowed anywhere near Heshi. I told Morgan we'd talk more tomorrow because he sort of hit a point where he'd gotten everything out that he'd been keeping in, and he seemed really drained. For now, sleep seems like the best thing for him, and then we'll work out what to do.

Which means I actually have to figure out what to do. Morgan already sees a therapist for his OCD, but her main focus is on behavioral therapy, not so much his personal life. Talking to her is an option for him, but Morgan doesn't like talking to her about what he ate for breakfast in the morning, let alone being hit by his boyfriend. I'm ill-equipped; I've never been in an abusive relationship myself, and only have a vague understanding of the psychology behind it.

Sigh. Where to next? Has anybody dealt with this (either with their children, or personally)? What helped you?

aliinnc

Good for you for talking about it.

This illustrates that as parents we need to listen to that inner voice that tells us something isn't right. And to teach our children to listen to it.

There is a great book, Protecting the Gift, about personal safety and keeping kids safe. I'd highly recommend it.

The author interviewed tons of victims of violent crimes. The vast majority of them had a bad feeling before they were attacked.

The moral is to listen to that inner voice!

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the other Ali
JujuParent

Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson

Skyburning

*hugs* My ex abused me and I still have issues dealing with it, and he's dead now. I always came up with a reason why it was my fault. I did finally leave him but I remained friends with him and to this day when I think about it I have to convince myself I didn't deserve it. So, I don't know what to tell you to do to make it better, because I haven't figured it out yet, but I do know what you're going through.

My only advice is to give Morgan a big hug, tell him you love him and you only want to protect him.. not control him, and just let him talk as much as he wants to.

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