max8635

I do not allow my 17 year old son to be at someone's house unsupervised. I caught him drinking about 8 months ago. I do not allow him to go to his 17 year old girlfriend's house at all because her father does not share my beliefs on parenting and I am aware that she has consumed alcohol too,over a year ago. Although I forbid my son to do these things I am pretty sure he does them anyway, and when I find out I ground him. He gets very good grades and I have little problems with him on other issues. Should I try harder to enforce these rules or is making a 17 year old constantly supervised and not allowing them to go to their girlfriends house impractical? Is it a bad idea for me to allow no supervision sometimes? He tells me I am not helping him become an adult by instituting these rules, which I do not plan on lifting until he goes to college. He says the rules should grow as he does. Should I keep these two rules and try and minimize times he can make bad choices, or give him a little more freedom?

Nikita

I feel 17 year olds are definitely able to take care of themselves. We let 12 and 13 year olds baby sit right? The concern here is what is happening at the other house. If it's a girlfriend it could be more than alcohol. You're not likely to stop him from going over there if he's determined to. Maybe instead of sitting down and telling him the rules, sit down and tell him why you are concerned. As well, offer to have the girlfriend over at your place, that way you can enforce the rules you prefer. You son seems like a decent kid, he's just growing up.

Cthru

If he was caught he should know full well why you have the rules you do. I wouldn't lift it whatsoever. Especially since he's driving now too. I would tell him his girlfriend is more than welcome to spend time at your house but that's it.

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1dayatatime

IMO the best way to ensure he does the things you dont want him to do is to keep acting like a dictator. I think your son is right. The only place you an enforce YOUR rules is at your house. He's gonna do what he wants to do regardless of what you say. How will he act like an adult and make good decisions if you keep taking that ability away from him? You have less then a year to double check your work this far. What will happen when he's at college and your not there to make decisions for him? Streaking, drinking, smoking, sex...while you can GUIDE him let him make decisions.

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Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

max8635

Thank you for the advice everyone.

max8635

I agree with you I'm just having difficulty enforcing these rules. It is difficult to always check if a parent is home, especially since some of his close friends have divorced parents, and he I often call him and he tells me he his at her house, but he says he was just picking her up, or she was just getting changed, or something else. The driving isn't that much of an issue because he usually rides his road bike anyway.

Xero

I say stay strict. He can make his decisions when he leaves the house, based on all the things you taught him while he was growing up. People talk like having a few rules like not letting him be at a girlfriends house without a parent and not drinking takes away all of his chances to make any decisions. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Kids have tons of decisions they make on their own every day. If you let kids especially that age have free reign on what they're going to do, they're going to do everything you don't want them to. We tell them not to because we know they'll do it if we don't. My mom never let me go to a boyfriend's house without a parent home. Usually even a friends house (but not always). I don't think I have to tell you what we'd be doing if no one was looking.

It will always be difficult to enforce the rules, but you know what's best for him, so just do your best to do what you can.

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mom2many

I think there can be a middle ground, since the GF parents house is out of the question, and I don't blame you, then make that one a no discussion rule, she can be welcome in your home any time but he isn't allowed at her house.

If there is a party I would let him go, but let him know that you will be checking for signs of drinking/drug whatever it is, once he gets home, if he gets caught breaking any one of the rules he will loose privalages A, B or C, ie,..driving a car, t.v time, anything that at the age of 17 isn't essential but a privalage.

I agree we can't control them all of the time, but we can make them think twice before they do something "dumb". And we can lay out exactly what consequences they will have if they break our rules.

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Jennifer, mom to some wonderful kids!

max8635

I'm sorry I think you misunderstand, he's not allowed at his girlfriends even with supervision.

jazili

I Believe you should keep the strict regulation for this one, the question is not give the freedom or not but rather with who's your kid is hanging out with, bad influence is everywhere.