Parents Forum

newdad06 · 05-23-2007, 06:37 AM

Hi all, my stepdaughter who is 13 wants to babysit her brother who just turned a year old. I am not comfortable with this because she isn't responsible. I have been giving little opportunities to start demonstrating responsibilty. For example, I may go to my home office and work on a project while I let her watch him. But, she isn't happy with these "Test Runs". To be honest, I don't know if I will ever trust her.

She is unwilling to learn what it means to be responsbile for a life, for example the other day I was cooking dinner and I had raw chicken I had just thrown in the skillet. She came along and started messing with it and pushing it around with the spoon that was in a side vegetable and then placed the spoon back into the vegetables. I asked her what she was doing, she said she was bored. I asked her if she wanted to learn how to make dinner? She said no. I left it at that, but before she left I explained to her how I had to throw out the vegetables because she had stuck a spoon that she had used on raw chicken into them and we could get sick. This was only moments before she had told me she was ready to take care of the baby. I told her that little things like protecting food from contamination are the things she still needs to learn before she is ready to watch the baby.

Rather than taking in the knowledge she tried turning it into a fight. She said she would never do that with the baby because she would use baby food. I told her, she also needs to think about what she is eating and what would happen if she got sick from the food while no one is home? She said I was stupid for thinking something like that could happen and that I was even more stupid for wanting to pay someone else for watching the baby when we could have someone watch him for free or atleast a lot cheaper. I told her that this kind of arguing does not help convince us that she should be the one to watch the baby and I didn't want to discuss it any more that night. Naturally, she says I'm stupid.

The question I have for everyone here: Am I wrong in thinking she isn't ready? I'm sorry,if I'm being overly protective, but I don't want to put the life of my son in the hands of someone that thinks calling me stupid is a convincing way to prove responsibility.

Kaytee · 05-23-2007, 07:06 AM

I absolutley do not think you are wrong!!! If she can't even verbalize how she is feeling without retorting to names, then.. I think you have your answer. Also if the baby is almost one then, he probably does not eat very much "baby" food anymore. I know my 16 month old has never had jar food more then just a few times when she was a baby, but by one she was eating everything we ate. The only time she doesn't is if its something spicey or whatever. So I'm sure your one year old could eat a piece of chicken and she could cantiminate his food. Also if he is still nursing she could improperly make his bottle when you go out, or if he is on formula, what if she isn't paying attention and mixes that stuff up wrong. Nope I wouldn't trust her either. Now my niece was reliable to babysit by the time she was 11, but my other niece is 15 and I still wouldn't trust her.

Abbi · 05-23-2007, 07:34 AM

No go with your gut instinct. If you don't feel she's responsible enough say no. It's better to be safe than sorry. Why don't you try and enroll her in a baby sitting course and/ or a first aid course. It'll stop her being bored and when she is deemed responsible enough to babysit it'll give you piece of mind.

Your step daughter sounds very frustrated, it's hard to be a 13 year old girl she's in a really horrible age that's not a baby and not a grown up. Mmm what's the saying too old for barbies, too young for boys? Whilst she shouldn't be treating you like this, she's trying to grow up, and like most 13 year olds she's trying to do it quickly.

I think by trying to give her some responsibility you're doing the right thing, when she's not throwing all the attiude at you keep doing it. An remember to explain why you don't when she's being rude. She probably will strop but she'll think about it later.

newdad06 · 05-23-2007, 08:50 AM

Thanks all.

My son is truly my first child and I wanted to make sure I wasn't being overly protective. My stepdaughter will be taking a babysitting course, we've already discussed that. I also spoke to her about taking a first aid course. She said she would probably go to it. But, I don't know if she would put forth 100% effort.

Abbi · 05-23-2007, 09:03 AM

Do you have the time to take it with her? Actually, would that be the kind of encouragement she needs or would she need to be doing it alone?

I knw she's only 13 but it's worth mentioning the benfits it'll hold for possibly any other clients or future jobs by going to a first aid course.

mamab · 05-23-2007, 09:37 AM

Newdad, there's nothing wrong with your wanting to protect your baby. That's what GOOD dads do! And, if you're stepdaughter isn't ready to accept responsibility for taking care of herself properly, why would you think she'd take care of HIM properly? I think you're right to have reservations.

BTW, you didn't mention what your wife thinks of the whole subject. Does SHE think the stepdaughter is ready for the responsibility?

newdad06 · 05-23-2007, 09:41 AM

She would have to do it on her own. The babysitting class is through her high school and the first aid course is during the day when I work and unfortunately I have every remaining personal day booked.

She really wants a job, and knowing that the classes ought to be a good incentive. I tried that approach. She was resistent, but I think it might be that she was just angry and didn't want to agree to any logic.

newdad06 · 05-23-2007, 10:29 AM

My wife is on my side. She is not comfortable with the idea of our daughter babysitting either.

Kaytee · 05-24-2007, 07:26 AM

Well I suraly do not htink you are being over protective. The baby sitting classes were a great idea. Good luck

shazzal · 06-11-2007, 07:17 AM

I have an older daughter and I didn't let her babysit her baby brother until she was turned 14. It wasn't because I didn't trust her as she is very sensible I just don't feel its fair to give a child that much responsibility. She loves looking after him now and they do lots of activities together like painting anc cooking when I'm out and it gives me some spare time to do things like shopping in peace. Good luck you will instinctively know when the time is right.

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