Parents Forum

iahayah · 10-08-2007, 12:33 AM

I am a sixteen year old, and I feel my parents don't trust me. I really havn't done anything to betray their trust-- I don't drink, do drugs, break laws have boyfriends, or even lie to them.

Still, they keep me on a very tight leash. Any plans I make must be premeditated. For example, I was at my friend's house until about 11:00PM and was invited to sleepover (no school next day). I asked them, and they refused on the basis that it wasn't planned out. I feel that as a 16 year old, I am responsible enough to know how to brush my teeth and go to sleep, but they don't seem to think so.

They seem to assume the worst of me. I want to gain their trust, but I don't know how to. I take on responsibilities, watch my younger brother, do chores, etc. and don't get into trouble, but it doesn't seem to help-- they still stereotype me as a dangerous, irresponsible teenager.

I try to have open conversations about this when I feel hurt, but they usually just laugh at me, considering my emotions childlike. If I cry, they get angry and act as though I am spoiled and ungrateful.

Since you are parents, do you know why they act this way/ how I can get them to reconsider their attitudes about me?

jtee · 10-08-2007, 01:04 AM

Hi Iahayah, has there been any problems in the recent past that have caused your parents not to trust you?

iahayah · 10-08-2007, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtee

Hi Iahayah, has there been any problems in the recent past that have caused your parents not to trust you?

No. They sort of don't trust teens in general.

Kaytee · 10-08-2007, 06:30 AM

They may just be very cautious of your well being. Afraid that you have been good for so long that you are bound to do something innapropriate.

Tau · 10-08-2007, 09:17 AM

Why not broach this topic with them? Pick a time that isn't already in contention and ask them what you can do to earn their trust and gain more individual responsibility and privileges befitting a growing young woman.

Handle yourself with grace and you may be able to strike a compromise. Be prepared for everything to stay the same, though - that is the prerogative of parenthood.

2 years seems like forever - but I swear to you, it isn't.

fallon · 10-08-2007, 09:23 AM

I agree with Tau. I'm sure your parents have a good reason for the choices they make for you but if you organize your thoughts on the issues and come to them calm and collected you might find they your parents will meet you at least half way...but like Tau said be prepared for them to stick to a firm no on somethings and accept that because getting angry won't change their minds

jtee · 10-08-2007, 01:40 PM

We have no way of knowing why what is motivating these parents without hearing their perspective.

I do remember when I was in high school have a classmate who struggled with this, and he was a good guy, got good grades, almost the ideal son from most parents perspective, but his parents wouldn't let him do anything, including sports and other after school activities. For him it was come home and stay home. I am sure in the mind of his parents, they were doing what was best, but for them if he wanted go out for pizza with us on a Friday night, his parents rarely would let him go, and if they did, it was be back in 1 hour. We weren't into doing drugs\alcohol and activities that would cause trouble\damage so we never understood why is parents practically kept him a prisoner for all of high school.

jtee · 10-08-2007, 02:35 PM

A girl I knew when I was 13 had older sister who got pregnant at 15 and had a baby boy. The older sister was climbing out her bedroom window at night and going out with her boyfriend.

This was a very religious and prominent family in the community, and having their 15 year old pregnant daughter was extremely embarrassing for them as a family, so the two younger siblings were trusted less even though they had done nothing and were not like their older sister, yet they too suffered the consequences of actions of eldest daughter. In that case, the parents went to extra lengths to make sure that nothing like that ever happened in their family again.

Kaytee · 10-08-2007, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtee

A girl I knew when I was 13 had older sister who got pregnant at 15 and had a baby boy. The older sister was climbing out her bedroom window at night and going out with her boyfriend.

This was a very religious and prominent family in the community, and having their 15 year pregnant was extremely embarrassing for them as a family, so the two younger siblings were trusted less even though they had done nothing and were not like their older sister, yet they too suffered the consequences of actions of eldest daughter. In that case, the parents went to extra lengths to make sure that nothing like that ever happened in their family again.

very common

Teresa · 10-09-2007, 04:11 AM

I have to say that I would do the same thing, and have, with my children and sleepovers, or any other plans. They've always known that we prefer to have at least 24 hour notice of things, so that our schedule can accommodate their schedules, and vice versa. In our family, that's part of having respect for one another, and not really an issue of trust.
Without knowing you or your parents, it's difficult to say why they react to things the way they do. I am sure they are doing what they think is best for you and your well-being. And who knows? In the future, you may even come to realize they were right!

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