Parents Forum

Hannah · 01-12-2008, 11:40 AM

My son is 17, and will be graduating high school in June of this year. My husband and I have always practiced a style of parenting where we give him objective information about life issues, and let him make his own decisions, sometimes helping him logic out tough situations. Although he certainly does have his privacy, I've always been happy that he's been comfortable opening up to us from time to time. I'm proud to say that he is at the top of all of his classes, and will likely be going to his 1st choice university in the fall (and out of town).

Now to the discovery. I went to use the computer after my son had been using it, and when I went into the browser history to look at a page I had been using earlier that day, there were a whole bunch of websites there that made it pretty obvious that my son has a smoking fetish. I talked this over with my husband, and we're pretty sure that our son hasn't even tried smoking cigarettes (or anything else for that matter... in all our conversations he's come off as against the idea of drug use, including alcohol), and my husband just seemed to think it was harmless fantasy, and that we shouldn't bring it up with our son and embarrass him all because he'd forgotten to enable "Private Browsing."

I'm still concerned, however, that this "harmless fantasy," when combined with the greater independence of university, may lead him to start smoking. We have been letting him make his own decisions for most of his life though (and he's always chosen "correctly" in our minds... though we were prepared for him to choose otherwise), but I'm now torn between letting him continue to do so, or stepping in and voicing my concern. I was hoping the people on this forum could give me some advice.

Kaytee · 01-12-2008, 11:43 AM

I think if if him looking at cigerettes is the worse, then don't be concerned. What types of websites are out there about smoking? Are htey like Marlboro's site or something? (serious question not mocking)

Hannah · 01-12-2008, 12:40 PM

The websites that I saw in the history were rather varied. It looked like he had been reading some forum posts by people who were starting smoking or were coming off as pro-smoking. There was also a story website, that had stories about girls starting to smoke. There were also a few websites with pictures (ranging from candids of women smoking, to more pornographic images), and there was also a Youtube video of a couple girls smoking cigarettes in a car.

Kaytee · 01-12-2008, 12:44 PM

hmm who would hav thought that people would have smoking fetishes!

Your son seems like he is a good kid, I would ignore it in a sense. Before he leaves to go to college, sit down and have a serious talk with him. Do not treat him like a baby or that he doesn't know, but as an adult.

He is going to be tempted by many things when he goes. All we can do is trust that they will make the right decisions. He might try smoking but hopefully he will make the right choice to NOT smoke.

musicmom · 01-12-2008, 08:21 PM

I don't think there is such a thing as a smoking fetish. That's absurd. There is nothing you can do. He's 17. Smoking is the least of things to come. If he's going to try it he'll rather like it or not. Have a talk with him. Maybe he was researching. I think you are jumping the gun.

jenilouise · 01-12-2008, 10:40 PM

You are going to have to have a talk with him anyways before he leaves for University so just include smoking in that talk. Then he will not feel his privacy has been invaded but you can still get your message across.

FooserX · 01-14-2008, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaytee

Your son seems like he is a good kid, I would ignore it in a sense.

Wow, that is just so crazy KT.

I would never let anything go as a parent. Obviously seeing all these website hits is concerning as a parent. It could be that he's researching something, or it could be that he's interested in smoking. Whatever the case...no harm can be done by talking to him and seeing what he's up to. Talk to him asap! Put your mind at ease! Put his mind at ease too!

Ignore it....ugh! That's the last thing you should do as a parent!

FooserX · 01-14-2008, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicmom

Smoking is the least of things to come.

Um...I hope you don't mean that smoking is the least scary thing to worry about as a parent???

I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my son started smoking.

Kaytee · 01-14-2008, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FooserX

Wow, that is just so crazy KT.

I would never let anything go as a parent. Obviously seeing all these website hits is concerning as a parent. It could be that he's researching something, or it could be that he's interested in smoking. Whatever the case...no harm can be done by talking to him and seeing what he's up to. Talk to him asap! Put your mind at ease! Put his mind at ease too!

Ignore it....ugh! That's the last thing you should do as a parent!

Did you not read the entire post!! I said ignore it in a sense!!!!!!!!! To talk to him as an adult about the pressure and the experimenting!!!

Quote:

Before he leaves to go to college, sit down and have a serious talk with him. Do not treat him like a baby or that he doesn't know, but as an adult.

He is going to be tempted by many things when he goes. All we can do is trust that they will make the right decisions. He might try smoking but hopefully he will make the right choice to NOT smoke.

FooserX · 01-14-2008, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaytee

Did you not read the entire post!! I said ignore it in a sense!!!!!!!!! To talk to him as an adult about the pressure and the experimenting!!!

Ignore it in a sense....but then talk to him.

Right...how was I ever confused, you are so clear!

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