Momof12

You know its hard being on the outside and want others to see what you know is right and when they are heading down a road they will regret. I was a Young mother and do not reget my Son one moment.Now I grew up so quicky and gave up so much but the end out come was I have a wonderful son and I am with the his Father still 26 years later but that not the Norm. I think some parents get caught up with wanting to be friends with thier children and that fine but I tell my kids you will not always like me and I really dont' care but as long as I am the parent who has walked down the roads of life and taken all the bumps I do not intend for you to cross those roads. ( talking to Older Teens here). There just has to boundaries and we as the Parents have to set them.
So she on the pill that means sex is ok at her age and that does not keep her from STDS are thier other children in the home? If so what is the Mother telling the younger children?

I wish you luck in getting through to her. Hope all the replies helped there were some Great ones!!

OurPreciousHand

Seriously what parent would allow their 16 year old to have her boyfriend sleep over??? That is so messed up! Kids still need boundaries. Sure they're probably sexually active anyway but that's not the point- the point is what kind of message are the parents giving their kids- that they can do whatever they want? It just seems like a total lack of respect towards the parents.

dadofsix

I have to say, as a father of 16 year old girl, I would never let her boyfriend (if she had one) share her bed overnight. In addition, I would not let my 18 year old son (who still lives at home) have his girlfriend spend the night in his bed. This issue came up recently as we are looking to move to a bigger house. The 18 year old will be paying a small amount of rent if he decides to stay. He asked if this meant he could have girls spend the night. Our answer was no. Yes he is 18, but it is still our home. We feel like there needs to be some rules. While I accept that he is sexually active it doesn't mean I want him doing it in our house. Once he moves out he's free to do as he wishes, till then, there are still some rules.

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-Scott (Dad to Daniel, Devin, Dylan, Harper, Harris, & Henson)


"The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them. They don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are." --Jim Henson

Xero

When I turned 18, my mom let Eli's dad spend the night with me in my bed whenever. And then.... ELI! =D lol. And by the way, hwnorth, I was on the pill. Tell that to the judge. Good thing I wasn't allowed at 16. I was sexually active then, but I know having the chance to be CONSTANTLY sexually active at 18 made my chances of getting pregnant like a huuuge percentage more likely than then. I actually got pregnant at 19, had him at 20. But I was still living with my mom at the time, you get it.

That's just downright irresponsible of a parent to let a boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night, and birth control is no excuse, my son is living proof of that. You can never guarantee you can't get pregnant. I've heard of women getting pregnant after having their tubes tied! My Aunt got pregnant with 6 kids on birth control!

If you let your kids spend the night in the same bed, KIDS being the keyword there, you just don't care that much about them and I'm sorry if that's harsh but I lived it. It was my own fault, but if my mom had treated me more like a child than an adult, then I wouldn't have had to grow up so fast.

Now that I think back on it, I would NEVER EVER allow my kids to have romantic sleepovers in my home. They can wait until they have their own place for that. I mean I don't have anything terribly against parents who make sure one stays on the couch in a different room, but the same room/ The same bed??? All night?!? That would gross me out, the thought of two kids 15 and 16 in the other room actually having sex. That's just discusting to let them do that right under your nose. And I'm 98% sure that's what their doing. I mean come on. I mean me and my boyfriend at 18 and 19 was irresponsible, but them at 15 and 16 that's just wrong. They are way too young. Might as well let your 8 and 9 year olds go at it in the next room while your at it. Geez. I know they're doing it, but giving them a place to do it right on the other side of a door from you? If it was quiet enough, you could probably hear them moaning down the hall. I know I'm being incredibly harsh with this, but I think she should think of it like this for once as opposed to ohh she's mature and on birth control, it's ok I want to be her friend.

What is wrong with the world these days. Sorry I'm all mean and rude, really I know I'm being inappropriate, but..... Ugh.

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mom2many

No, no sex in my house, to me that shows disrespect. Why should parents make it easier and safer for their children to have sex? They are children, and I know "that they are gonna do it anyways" and sure that is true of some children, but since when is it my job to make it easier, I have armed my children with all the information they need, birth control, pregnancy, std's and so forth, but they are on their own when it comes to doing the deed. If they feel they are mature enough to handle all the risks that sex involves then they are mature enough to take the responsibility and the risk of finding somewhere to do it, and it won't be the boyfriends house either, cause, the first time I suspect it could be happening I will be on the phone with the other parents explaining "that my DD is a guest in their house, and that I do not want her or their son having sex in it", granted it is their house, BUT that is my dd, of course we live in a small town so things like this are easier to deal with, you know, everyone kinda knows everyone.

No parent should give their child permission to have sex, and allowing the boyfriend to stay over is doing just that. Arming your children with proper information protects them from any hazards of sex, but doesn't say "Hey close your door, so we don't have to hear it."

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Mom of pretty good kids.

TAR

No sleepovers with boyfriends allowed ever!!! Ha, when I lived with my parents, I had a baby with my boyfriend (soon to be husband now). I was 19 (he still lived with his parents also). One night he came over late from working to see his daughter and fell asleep at my parents house (where I lived) the next morning first thing my mom sat us down and said no you are not allowed to sleep here! If you want to play house and be a family you get a house an be a family - my husband will tell you thoes are the best words he ever needed to hear, took him 4 months and we were in our first apartment less than a year later we were in our own home..
Like they say Mamma know's best!

HappyMomma

It wasn't until I had moved out of the house then moved back in with my Mom temporarily (as an adult) that she allowed this.... (well at least that she knew about.)

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The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

only2degrees

I have a 20 year old daughter who lives at home and pays $200 a month rent - plus all her own expenses. Her 20 year old boyfriend also lives with us and rents a separate room and bathroom for $200. We have a large 4000 sq ft home with 7 bedrooms. We have 2 other boys (17 & 18) living at home, each with their own room. When our daughter asked if her BF could live with us due to conflicts in his parents' home, we agreed, on the following terms:

1. BF must respect all of our rules regarding curfews and house work.
2. BF to pay $200 a month rent and keep his room clean.
3. BF to never, ever fall asleep in our daughters room, or vice versa.
4. BF and daughter to never be in the room with the door closed or under the bed covers if they are watching TV.

My daughter once argued that she should be able to have him slepp in her room since she was paying rent. uh...NO! I had to help her understand that that was not an option, ever... unless she was married. Fortunately, BF is a great kid and respectful. We have not had any trouble in 4 months. Sometimes they house sit for friends, so what they do there is their business - of course, I have had the "talk" with both of them about saftey and prevention.

I made sure they both understood that if the rules were ever broken, BF would move out immediately. However, there are days when I like BF better than daughter, so I tease her that she can go and he can stay

Bottom line - whatever your rules are, they are YOUR rules and must be respected and appropriate for everyone living in the house.

Lisa "LV"
only2degrees

chic

Hi all. I grew up in Asia and have traditional upbringing. However, this does not mean that I am old fashion. This thing about consent to have a relationship before the age of 18 years old comes to me as a surprise. I looked around for answers and only came up with is if they are above 16 years old (in america/canada), it is ok? Wow!

Most Asian children are unaware of any rules that give them freedom to have sex or drinks, because the families refrain from discussing this freedom openly. Yet teenage marriages are becoming so common everywhere.

The thing is, once children, are aware of their lagal rights, they will ask for it the minute they pass the mark. How many teenagers have lost their liscence from drink driving? 2 in 3. They do no understand responsibility but they will sure demand freedom.

I am speaking from my experience having lived for many years overseas in Asia and Australia. I do hope parents help children to appreciate family values and support, in order that they be able to use their power of freedom of speech and expression responsibly.

Dadu2004

I really like this post. It's allowing 20 year olds to be adults, yet still respect the rules of the parents house.

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