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07-25-2008, 11:03 AM
| #11 | ||
| Super Moderator  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,462
Rep Power: 1353 Reputation: 30899   Children: 2 children, Debra Lyn, and Logan (Bubba) Michael |
yes...it's wrong to wish your son was more attractive. Sorry if that's harsh but it's wrong, it's very wrong and you're hurting him more then you could ever imagine
__________________  Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult | ||
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Re: Is it wrong for a mother to wish her son was more attractive? |
07-25-2008, 08:14 PM
| #12 | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 14
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 1078 Children: One son, Cody - 12 |
When I saw this topic, I imagined someone who perhaps wished their overweight son could lose weight, to build his own self-confidence and feel better about himself. Is it wrong to feel this way? Not if it were something like the above, but to feel this way in the manner of which you wrote.. yes.. a million times yes. It sounds like a pity party for yourself because the delivery person brought the wrong color sofa and how dare they give into your care something SO disappointing. This is your child... your smart and hard-working child, by your own words. How can he be anything but beautiful in your eyes? Perhaps you worded yourself wrong, and for your son's sake I pray you did, but if not.. I pity him for having such an ugly mother at heart, who would be so selfish and shallow. No reply made here could be more harsh then your original post as it stands.
__________________ Donna *Just the proper side of insanity and a bit to the left of mayhem* "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." - Albert Einstein Last edited by BookWyrm : 07-25-2008 at 08:15 PM. Reason: (fixed say to read saw) | ||
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07-26-2008, 08:32 AM
| #14 | ||
| PF Fanatic  Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: melba, Idaho
Posts: 222
Rep Power: 177 Reputation: 4270 Children: Son(17),DD(16),Son(16),DD(15),Son(7), DD(4),Son(2 years) |
She isn't the only parent out there who feels that way, I am surprised more people don't realize that. And I am not sure how amny have teens, I can say, that at one time or another I have looked at my children and thought they could look better, yes, sometimes it's a weight issue and sometimes it is just thier appearance, but in no way does that mean I don't love them and I am sure the same could be said for her. It sounds like her and her son lack any communication, she needs to get to know her son on his level, understand him more, see where he is coming from, know if he is happy with himself cause if he isn't happy and sending of vibes mom will pick up on them, she may not see for herself that she is picking up her sons 'unhappy' vibes. It's similar to when a spouse or boyfriend are unhappy, we pick up on the vibes but aren't exactly sure what the vibes are, unless the talk to us. COmmunicate, communicate and good luck.
__________________  Jennifer, mom to some wonderful kids! | ||
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07-26-2008, 08:32 AM
| #15 | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 10 |
In fact, Mindy is correct about me needing to evoke these kind of responses. "I pity him for having such an ugly mother at heart, who would be so selfish and shallow” is exactly what I needed to hear. For some reason, I am unable to value my son for his positive qualities. Now that I have been told, explicitly, that these views are wrong, cruel, and selfish, I can see that the problem in our relationship lies with me, and only me. I am considering counseling. Thank you. mom2many: I'm glad you understand that I love my son (I wouldn't have cared enough to post this if I didn't). Thank you. And I will try my best to communicate more with him. Thanks again. Last edited by Precious Amber : 07-26-2008 at 08:34 AM. | ||
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07-26-2008, 11:59 AM
| #16 | |||
| Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 14
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 1078 Children: One son, Cody - 12 |
Quote:
I am very glad to hear that you love your son, and do indeed see that being so brutally honest and reaching out for help had to be very difficult. The fact that you want to get help means there is hope for you and your son. Communication and counceling, for yourself and in learnng to communicate, are both good ideas. And no, as others have mentioned, you are not the only person in the world who has ever felt this way. Most though, who do, never see it for what it is and have no desire to fix it. As for not being able to value your son for who he is, JMO, but, the first thing you need to figure out how to do is to let go of that idealized image you held of how your child would be before he was born. It is not that much different than little Johnny's father wishing for a football hero of a son, only to find little Johnny is horrible at sports and prefers to play chess instead. Dad feels horribly disappointed. How could a son of his not enjoy what he enjoys, be what he always envisioned him to be, love something dad cannot stand or understand... and therein lies the problem. Dad doesn't understand or like what his son prefers, it is foreign and thus viewed negatively on first instinct. So please do, take a look at your son, a real look without your own expectations as reference. Find something positive, no matter what it is, that you can latch on to. You do not have to believe he is handsome, to believe he is beautiful, but I am sure we are not talking quasimodo here either. My point was, wanting him to be handsome because it would make life a little easier for him is one thing, wanting him to be handsome because it makes life easier for you or because you believe his looks somehow reflect poorly on you is a very different outlook. You mentioned dark hair and pale skin, maybe the two of you, if he has any interest, can find a little common ground by discussing a hair style/color change. Just a minor suggestion. Just bear in mind the things which make him smart and special may not be things you find interesting or with much value, try to step outside the box and not judge them by your standards, but by his passions and skills for/with them. I've also seen my share of pure jock dad's cheering on their chess player boys, as I've seen parents like the opposite from above. So, good luck 
__________________ Donna *Just the proper side of insanity and a bit to the left of mayhem* "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." - Albert Einstein | |||
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07-26-2008, 02:19 PM
| #17 | ||
| PF Addict  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Denver
Posts: 2,570
Rep Power: 388 Reputation: 8215 Children: One boy, Bradley |
lol...this poster sounds like a troll. I don't think I've ever heard a mom call her kid ugly before. Even when their children aren't good looking, I still hear parents tell them they are beautiful and handsome, and build their esteem. That's what loving parents do. If this poster is for real, then yes...not only is it VERY WRONG of her, but it's just downright dispicable. Obviously she doesn't care about her son, only about how his appearance reflects on her. Memo to superficial, hideous mom: People, especially 16 year old kids in High School, know what they look like. We all know how attractive we are, or are not. Trust me...he knows, and he probably feels 10000 times worse about it than you. So stop thinking about yourself and figure out ways to help him get confidence and become more attractive. Btw, pretty much everything is fixable when it comes to appearance. New haircut. New clothes. Lose weight. Plastic surgery. Whatever.... | ||
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07-27-2008, 04:20 PM
| #18 | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 10 |
Call me what you will, Fooser, but to be honest your words will never make me feel worse than I already do. I have received my answer. Please can this thread be deleted, or locked or something? | ||
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07-27-2008, 05:34 PM
| #19 | ||
| PF Addict  Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: AZ
Posts: 1,200
Rep Power: 798 Reputation: 19164 Children: 4yo girl 1yo boy |
I dont think the thred should be altered in anyway. There could be another mom or dad out there with the same problem. We all make mistasks as parents. Thats HUMAN.
__________________ Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.  | ||
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07-27-2008, 06:25 PM
| #20 | ||
| PF Addict  Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,033
Rep Power: 887 Reputation: 21599 Children: Delaney, 4 years old |
True 1day...what if this person isnt a troll? If she isn't, then we've helped. If she is, maybe we can help someone else who may have the same unfortunate feelings.
__________________ ----Proud Papa of Delaney Maria, my angel------  | ||
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