MaLance

Thank you for your replies. We have started to use another tact. His use of the car is dependent on his behavior, his treatment of his mother and chores that he does around the house. It is too early to tell how it will work out but it has been promising

FooserX

When I failed out of college at 18, my parents said "well...you just blew your free ride...good luck!"

lol

When I saw they were serious, I moved, got a job in a day as a dishwasher next to my apartment, and was on my way to growing up. I had no choice, and that's what you need to do. 18 is more than old enough to work...the only reason he's lazy is because he knows he's still got it made with you guys.

Ugh...coddling makes me puke! :-)

fallon

that's how my parents handled things too, although later when I was out on my own, working hard and making a go of if it I realized I had screwed up my education, my parents did decide to help me go back to school. sometimes everyone has to bend a little but I think it's natural for kids to try to take advantage of you, it' your job to keep it from happening. A little tough love never really hurt anyone, most of the time it makes you stronger

Kaytee

absolulty at 18 they are old enough to work. And I would have kicked my mooching 18 year old failing out of college kid out as well. There is always room for second chances though.
My parents never helped me with college, but they helped me a few times financially. Maybe 500 dollars from the time I was 18 to around 24 when I started to make it on my own. They have also done things for me, like they gave me money to drive home when my brother died, also when my grandpa died they flew me home. So they help out even now that I am 28. I don't ask for it and I greatly appreciate the help they give still. I make sure they know how grateful I am.

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

fallon

My parents help[ us out lot too, mostly with the kids but I would never ask them too. They take my dd and buy her clothes all the time and for the baby too now. It helps a lot

ricomni

I definitely agree. I remember reading somewhere that when an Eaglet is old enough to learn how to fly, its mama will push it off the nest on the cliff. The little one will fall struggling in fright / flight but mother eagle will be watching and ready to swoop down to catch it and bring it back to safety before it hits the ground. This it will do until the little one finally learn to soar as it should be.

Sometimes, well, I should say most of the time, this may be easier said than done. However, I feel it is neccessary if we ever want him to be strong to stand on his own.

__________________
Ricky L.:yes:
http://effectiveparenting101.blogspot.com
:award:

evilbrent

My brother in law is 25 and still living at home - pays no rent, no bills, no chores no nothing. He's a good guy though, so he doesn't break stuff or get into trouble, mostly just sits in his room and plays computer games.

I think the mistake his parents made is that they didn't make it clear that, once he reached age X (21?) he was his own financial entity. They didn't let him know this when he was 17.

My parents let me know. They said that they'd support me if I were ACTIVELY studying, but other than that I was free to do with my life what I chose.

Don't bail your kid out anymore. Ever. Maybe LEND him the money he needs to get out of his latest jam... but then the next time he just has to live with the consequences: he loses his car, he gets evicted. Whatever.

Life isn't all beer and skittles, but it you learn that you don't need to live responsibly to get by (because your parents will bail you out) then you're screwed.

I want my parents-in-law to start making him pay rent, but apparently he gets furiously angry every time they bring it up and they're afraid of confrontation. I just wish they'd brave it out, then say "Are you finished? Rent's due on the 23rd of every month. Here is your third of the bills, and your third of last month's grocery's is listed here. You can pay us for this any time in the next two weeks. After that we'll pay the bills and let you pay us back on the 23rd as well. Yes, I'm aware that the 22nd is your pay day."

evilbrent

I think the only real answer to that is "What about it? Go live with those parents then."

Explain to him, lovingly, that you made yourself a commitment to raise him, shelter him and provide him with an education. You've done that, to the best of your ability, and now he's welcome to make all the choices in life that he likes: including, paying a lot of rent in a 1 bedroom apartment or a little bit of rent in your house.

You should never have paid for it in the first place. I think even 14 yr olds should learn that each phone call costs THEM money.

Cut him out of it. Let him keep his number, if he wants, but pay for the cancellation fee. You'll spend less on cancellation than on his phone bill, and anything else is his problem. Convince him that you're telling the truth (which you are) then give him a 2nd chance, a commitment to pay for ALL his phone calls from now on at the special family rate. I've got this arrangement with my sister and it works fine.


Again, if he mentions these other parents, invite him to go ask THEM to start paying for his phone calls.

evilbrent

Reading these posts has reinforced my belief that I need to start teaching my own kids (3.5 and 2) about money as soon as I can.

FooserX

>>>Cut him out of it. Let him keep his number, if he wants, but pay for the cancellation fee

No kidding. I can't believe the original poster is making excuses as to why the kid is right, and deserves a cell phone for being a deadbeat.

And it never fails to amuse me when parents say "we didn't raise our kid to act like this..." lol...who else was it???