Parents Forum

Kaytee · 09-17-2007, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by evilbrent

My brother in law is 25 and still living at home - pays no rent, no bills, no chores no nothing. He's a good guy though, so he doesn't break stuff or get into trouble, mostly just sits in his room and plays computer games.

I think the mistake his parents made is that they didn't make it clear that, once he reached age X (21?) he was his own financial entity. They didn't let him know this when he was 17.

My parents let me know. They said that they'd support me if I were ACTIVELY studying, but other than that I was free to do with my life what I chose.

Don't bail your kid out anymore. Ever. Maybe LEND him the money he needs to get out of his latest jam... but then the next time he just has to live with the consequences: he loses his car, he gets evicted. Whatever.

Life isn't all beer and skittles, but it you learn that you don't need to live responsibly to get by (because your parents will bail you out) then you're screwed.

I want my parents-in-law to start making him pay rent, but apparently he gets furiously angry every time they bring it up and they're afraid of confrontation. I just wish they'd brave it out, then say "Are you finished? Rent's due on the 23rd of every month. Here is your third of the bills, and your third of last month's grocery's is listed here. You can pay us for this any time in the next two weeks. After that we'll pay the bills and let you pay us back on the 23rd as well. Yes, I'm aware that the 22nd is your pay day."

beer and skittles? thats funny

PennQuaker09 · 10-15-2007, 04:08 PM

You guys are making me feel bad. I didn't get a job until I was 20. And when I told my dad, he was like why. I was away at school and it was my way of meeting people. I ended up quitting because school took up a lot of time for me. I double majored and I finished in 3 years. At Tulane, most students graduate in 4 years and to do that, you can't really work. Especially being a chemistry major. However, I had lots of academic scholarships so my dad didn't really have to pay much.

My dad still gives me money and I didn't even have my own credit card until this year. I suppose my excuse will be it's because I'm in graduate school.

Kaytee · 10-15-2007, 05:08 PM

You are right. You were VERY lucky to not work! But most of the people who where saying to kick the kid out and such, did say that if they are in school, it is one thing to help them out and support them, but if they are sitting at home doing nothing, then why pay for them?

Again you are very lucky, I had to work full time in school or I couldn't go. Plain as that, my parents did not help pay for school. Now they did bail me out once when I was about to be kicked out of the dorm because I didn't have enough money to pay it, but in a whole I paid for my schooling myself. Well that is a lie as well, my DH is paying my student loans now.

evilbrent · 10-15-2007, 06:51 PM

yeah, don't sweat it.

it's perfectly ethical for a person to accept financial aid during that one last push into adulthood - as long as you're ACTUALLY using the time to better yourself or somehow improve your chances in life.

Personally, I'd be willing to let my kids slack around at home for a few years after they left high school, presuming they didn't go to uni or something, as long as they pumped almost every cent of their fast-food job into investing in their own future - buying their first investment property at age 19, or starting a business... whatever. That's fine by me.

It's when you get these kids turning 25 who've got nothing to show for it... that's what upsets me.

I'll be paying for as much of my kid's education - be it trade apprenticeship, uni, School-Of-Life after high school as I can. But I won't be funding their lifestyle, just helping them consolidate their investment in themselves.

Tau · 10-15-2007, 08:08 PM

We're starting early. My 14 year old has two jobs (mowing lawns/ shoveling snow & a paper route) and he already has $320 in his roth IRA account. He invests 10% of all the money he makes.

He *loves* earning and spending money - and he makes careful choices that I'm really proud of. Just this week he paid to go to 6 Flags with the park district and last month both he and his brother paid their own tickets to see Weird Al in concert!

Parents Forum

Parenting Community

Pregnancy Forums

Parenting Resources