Moichiro

Does my daughter have two personalities? One minute she is telling me that she loves me and the next calling me names.

Last weekend, after I told her that her boyfriend was no longer welcome in my home because he violated my rules and was in the house at 2 a.m. and gave me attitude when I asked him to leave, she launched into a tirade of name calling. Later she asked my why I didn't like him and I told her... he is 21 unemployed, been in and out of jail, lives with a grandmother that runs a meth lab in her home, etc. I told her that he was trash and that she brings herself down by association. She told him what I said and he is livid. Now she says that she is stuck in the middle of our fight (I am not fighting with him, just said he is no longer welcome in my home).

She now tells me that she is trying to change him. That she has tremendous influence over people and that she can get him to change.

I am thankful that she hasn't moved out and in with him but how long will it take her to realize that this guy is a loser?

FooserX

At that age, she won't realize anything for a long time.

Just be sure she's on birth control, and cross your fingers!

HappyMomma

Unfortunately, the longer you disapprove of him the longer it will take her to accept his loser qualities.

__________________
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

Moichiro

I have not shown my disapproval for six months and she is still with him. I sat and listened while she told me of his friend who has been charged with homicide, about his friends who were putting together a shot gun in the trunk of their car to handle a gang incident where one of their friends was shot and killed, about his criminal record, about his most recent time in jail, about his meth making grandmother, about his drug addicted mother who was on crack when he was born, about his lack of high school diploma, about his trips to the local smoke shop to buy something that helps pass a drug test, etc. and after these six months of silence I lost it and told her (when she asked) why I don't like him.

He isn't just a boy friend from the wrong side of the tracks this kid is bad. I was polite for too long and now she knows how I feel. She is 18 and these are her choices, I don't approve and now she knows.

HappyMomma

That is such a tough situation. It she is 18, she may have to learn some lesssons the hard way... hopefully not. I wish I could shake some sense into any woman that says the words "I can change him." I feel for ya.

__________________
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

Moichiro

Thanks, I feel better jsut being able to write what is going on. She has often chosen boyfriends that she feels need changing. I am wondering if this is just her way of justifying why she is with this type of person. She knows they are losers but uses the " I can change them" angle to justify why she is with them.

HappyMomma

Maybe she feel that she needs that power?

__________________
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

Moichiro

I think the good news is that she recognizes that her boy friend needs to change. If she says that she needs to change and help him then she understands that he is not perfect. Hopefully, this understanding will lead to her leaving him.

obie

Girls do not want to be with these kinds of men once they get older and they have to support themselves. If mom and dad do not provide for their daughter financially anymore, girls drop these men like a bad habit. When I was young I found bad boys attractive. Now I have a great job, mom and dad do not provide for me, and I wouldnt give a "bad boy" the time of day. I'd be too afraid he'd sit on his behind all day while I work. or I'd be afraid he'd steal from me, or not contribute financially making it unfair to me in the relationship. Once girls support themselves, reality sets in, and girls start dating men who are their equals.

musicmom

Have her go here to learn that you can NOT ever change a person. EVER
SoberRecovery : Drug Addiction Treatment Center Directory Substance Abuse Detox Programs

From what all I've learned I can tell you that your daughter is more addicted to the "excitement" that his behavior has brought into her life then she probably is with his actual person.
People her age do not understand the long term effect of what her boyfriends actions will cause her in the future.
Could you bring her to an abuse shelter and let her hear stories of how the majority of these woman were with men who had prior criminal records?
She seems like the type of girl she needs to see it rather then be told.
I agree with you on your house rules. In fact, I would be reporting the meth lab if you know for sure. Gawd forbid your daughter is near that home when it blows. God Bless.