getbread@comcas

Hi
First time poster here. Please forgive my rambling... I need a little support here. Recently, our 18 year old daughter has had many problems showing respect to us, her parents. No other issues really, she doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs. Our only complaint is the way she speaks to us. I know much of this is very normal for her age group, I just have very little tolerance for this behavior.
Last week, My husband and I had a talk with her and said that we were no longer willing to accept this and she was going to have to either treat us with respect or leave our home. We have two boys sges 12 and 15. I told her I wasn't willing to let her show this example to her brothers any longer. I thought she would either come to reality or tell us that she was going to get an apartment with a friend.
Much to my surprize, her solution was to move in with another family. This is the family of her former boyfriend who took his own life almost two years ago. She has remained close to them.
I thought some tough love like living in a shabby apartment consuming mostly ramen noodles would help her be more appriciative of what we have given her. Backfire!!! Now she is moving to a home three times the value of mine. I would imaginge they don't eat much ramen.
I think I have come to terms with this arrangement, (ok I am getting there). What do I do when she comes home in a week hoping to do her laundry and wondering what's for dinner? Any advice would be greatly appriciated. Thank you!

FooserX

Why would she come home to do laundry and eat dinner, when she is living in another home?

lol @ your backfire....that's funny.

Anyway, I would just be cool and don't let things get to you. Let her move out....COMPLETELY out. Tell her she's welcome to visit, and eat dinner now and then as part of the family, but that's it.

No laundry, no stopping in for groceries or money...etc. She needs to know that she's on her own. If she's found another home to reside in, she's an adult, and that is her decision. I doubt it would last for long...and even if it did, it's her life now. She's 18...let her make her choices. The best you can do is stick to your guns and be a good parent.

I think you did the right thing in setting up a decision for her to make. She made it. She'd rather move out than be respectful of you. Well...that's fine. Just be sure she knows the rules. She's OUT as a dependent.

fallon

I totally agree with fooser

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Kaytee

I have to agree as well. What you did was probably one of the hardest things you have ever done, but it was the right thing to do. Let her show disrespect to another family. they will not hav emuch tolerance as you did

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getbread@comcas

Thanks for your advice everybody. My Daughter is packing right now. I m soooo sad. I also think this will probably be only temporary. My Husband doesn't agree.I am worried about what will happen if things don't work out over there. Is she going to ask to come home? I don't know if we should let her.

fallon

personally I would let her come back 1 time under my terms. Spell the rule out very clearly and let her know that this would be her last chance. You shouldn't have a revolving door but 18 is still very young and if she is willing to admit she made a mistake IMO you should let her come home

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Teresa

Tell her it costs $2 a load to do laundry, and that you'll be glad to have her come for dinner, then set a date for her to come over. If she's no longer living in your house, she no longer has the right to expect laundry and meal privileges.

Only if she agrees to live by the rules of the house. That means she can't continue the behavior that prompted you to issue your ultimatum in the first place.

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FooserX

>>>>Is she going to ask to come home? I don't know if we should let her.


Why would you want her to come home anyway?

She's 18!

That's time to get a job and live on your own. Is she going to college? Is she working? The only way I'd let her stay is if she was in school full time, and busting her butt to get good grades (not just going aimlessly because it's all she knows how to do).

You're going to have to make her fly on her own someday, may as well be now.

Kaytee

I agree

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If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
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DELOCH

Well teenagers tend to talk that way to their parents.

im a teenager i speak normally but I dont accept any commands.

hope it helped... prolly not ...