Mickie B

I just joined this forum for support and encouragement. I have an 18 year old daughter that periodically causes me great distress and worry and at other times is a joy to live with. The problems seem to begin each year around December and end in April or May. Go figure?

She has been into just about all the mischief a teenager can get into; drugs, boys, bad friend choices; drinking, is there more?

Most recently she has hooked up with a boyfriend (21) who I would call a 'bad boy'. My daughter seems to be attracted to the bad boys, those without jobs which brings into question his source of income. I just took her car away as I was concerned that her boy friend and other friends were taking advantage of it. She threw a two day tantrum but I was firm. The car is gone and the next one she has will be purchased by her and not by me.

I am standing firm, no car, has to be home at a reasonable hour, needs to finish school, or she has the choice to move out. So far, she has made thr right choice after leaving home for a couple of days. I think she came back when she got hungry. She has almost finished high school but I worry that her friends without high school diplomas influence her to make poor choices. She recently told me that a GED had more prestige than a high school diploma!

Thanks for listening. It helps me to just tell the story and relate my worries about my daughter. I love her so much and want to see her make the right choices that result in a great life.

Steve

Welcome. I'm a relative newbie myself, but certainly can identify with your experiences. I'm a stepdad, and have watched my 18 yr old stepdaughter do everything but listen to mom or me. She's now pregnant, unmarried, no job, no HS diploma, unable to pass the GED (6 tries now, I think), unable and unwilling to drive, etc.

I just try to remember the tact my parents took: They teach me right from wrong, and how to make my own decisions. The rest of my life is mine to live as I please.

Satisfy yourself that you've done your best with that.

I'm also a big fan of Rev. Joyce Meyer who reminds us regularly that you can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed.

Good luck - it sounds like you're giving it your best. With every month that goes by, she'll grow older and more mature and hopefully recognize your lessons in time.

Mickie B

With the exception of pregnancy, it looks like our 18 year olds are very similar. My daughter is close to her high school diploma but only because I have her enrolled in a private school for kids that are at risk to not graduate from high school. My daughter also drives but I recently had to take that priviledge away as the car was not being used for it's intended purpose.

I am hoping that as she matures her brain might develop as well. Sometimes I don't think she has one; she certainly doesn't use the one that she has. (I have been told that the teenage brain is not completely developed until age 24).

I try to be supportive and realize that she is responsible for her choices but it is hard to watch her make poor choice after poor choice.

Thanks for the words of encouragement and I wish you and your step-daugher all the best.

Moichiro

Wow, this sounds so much like my daughter who is also 18. What happens to these girls. I would have never predicted that my daughter would be making the poor choices that she is. She constantly threatens to drop out of school. Has chosen a boy friend who has been in jail and I suspect may be involved in illegal activities. Talking to her about these issues is pointless - she just doesn't listen.

Teresa

What is it with 18 year old girls these days? I have one who moved out of our house and dropped out of school the day she turned 18, in January. She moved from friend to friend, mooching, for several months, and then told everyone she was pregnant, at which time Dad and stepmom decided to take a hand in things. She moved in with her stepsister, tried to steal stepsister's boyfriend, got shipped out to her grandfather's house. Then grandfather set rules on getting a job and her driver's license, so she decided she wanted to come back to her hometown. Stepdad and I told her that she's have the same rules here, so she's back to living with friends, mooching off them. We've all tried talking to her, trying to make her "see the light," but at this point we've decided all we can do is let her know we're here, ready to help when she decides to start helping herself....but until then, we're just letting her go her own way, praying that she won't have to fall TOO far before she comes to her senses.

__________________

Wife to Barry
Mother to Brian,Adrienne and Amy
Christianity is not a religion like most people think. Christianity is a life of imitating Jesus.

musicmom

Moichiro

What is a PITA?

Teresa

Pain in the butt, so to speak.

__________________

Wife to Barry
Mother to Brian,Adrienne and Amy
Christianity is not a religion like most people think. Christianity is a life of imitating Jesus.

musicmom

FooserX

It’s not just girls!

My theory is that it all revolves around parenting, and the examples we teach our kids.

If the parents shack up, get divorced, drop out of school...or choose bad partners…then the kids learn that is the norm. They learn that there are no commitments in life, or that when the going gets tough…the tough quit.

Plus factor in society in general, and how materialistic and superficial it has all become…

It’s a recipe for disaster.