shylight

i'm not a parent but i have a question about my parents and i thought this might be a good place to get advice.

i'm going to college, i'm 20. but i'm living at home due to financial reasons. yes i am working but i also have to pay my tuition so i have no money left over for an apartment even with a roommate.

but the thing is, i have no freedom and no life. i have to be home before night which means i have to be home before 5. i'm not allowed to go out afterwards unless it's with them. i live in the suburbs btw, so it's safe. but i'm not allowed to drive at night cause it's not "safe".


i don't know what to do. i can't go to friends houses. when my friends come over, my parents hang out with us. literally. they'll just stay in the home and join in the conversation where they are not welcomed.


i tried talking to them about it but they just got defensive and called me ungrateful. i don't think i'm being grateful by wanting to live my life. i'm old enough. i'm not going to go out and get drunk or do drugs. i just want to be able to hang out at friends' places later than 5 pm. i so tried talking to them so many times, i've just given up. they refuse to listen to me and discus the matter, they just get mad.



i have to call them and i have to answer when they call or they're convinced i'm murdered. i hate them for treating me like a baby. i'm not allowed to date either. i'm 20 and never been kissed or been on a date. at this rate, i'm going to be single when i'm 30.


what can i do to convince them to let me grow up?! please help

SageMother

It sounds like you have to make a difficult change here.

Many people go to college part time and work part time, or wait to enter college when they can do so as a non-traditional student, meaning that their parent's information isn't involved. If you plan to keep your sanity, you might look at one of these choices so that you can move out of your parents' home. You are not in a healthy situation and it needs to change.

Kaytee

What about licing in a dorm? It may mean taking out student loans, but it may be a better place for you to get introduced to an adult life

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FooserX

I agree with Kaytee.

Go the loan route if you can't handle the parents. Apply for financial aid, and just take out loans and finish your degree in a dorm. Some loans will even cover your room and board off campus I believe. Just be sure you're ready for a fat $300 a month payment after you graduate! :-P

If you do that, you sacrifice a future loan payment for happiness now. But it could be worth it, because people with degrees go much further, faster in life...and make more money.

Normally I say live with parents as long as you can if they are paying for school and rent...but yours aren't even paying for school! lol.

adean

You need to move out. Whether you agree or not, it's their house, their rules. If you've tried talking to them and that doesn't work...it's time to get a loan and move out on your own.

PennQuaker09

I agree, get a student loan and move out. That's what student loans are designed for. Another option would be a fraternity. Personally, it wasn't my thing, but some of them are actually quite decent. I don't know where you attend school, but sometimes they can be on the pricey side, which is an issue, but if you're outgoing and everything I think it could be worked out. Think about it this way, instant social life and a place to stay. It just might not be particularly clean like at home.

However, I think the issue here is the parents. If they aren't helping him pay for his school, which I personally feel like parents are obligated to do (as does the federal government), then I think they need to ease up on the rules. Having to be home by five is incredibly, I repeat INCREDIBLY, stupid. I think it's a trust thing, parents who trust their children don't impose social life limitations such as a painfully ridiculous curfew. Gosh, I had study groups in high school that went past 10. When parents are uptight like this, it results in disaster.

Cell phones have voicemail for a reason, let them get familiar with it. If they ask you why you didn't answer, tell them you didn't want to talk to them, plain and simple. It's not disrespectful, because if I don't want to talk to my dad, I don't answer or I'll answer and tell him I don't feel like talking. I do the same to my partner and my friends. Parents or no parents, everyone deserves space.

I do think that because you live with your parents you must give them respect, but I also think you must find your own way. Personally, I broke stupid rules and my dad gave up. And in your case, all of the rules are stupid.

Trina

To echo the others.... Do what you have to do (legally, of course!) to get out on your own. My parents were very strict and had similar rules. I couldn't stand it, so I went away to college. Years later they told me they were strict on purpose - to entice me to leave the nest. It worked! I left home at 18 to go to college and and never went back. Although money was very tight I LOVED the freedom of living out on my own! It also forced me to learn some very important life lessons, one of which being how to be responsible with money.