freespirit

Gee. I really need help. In four weeks I plan to move in with my son, his wife and my two grandchildren. They are 35; I'm 59 this year. Of course, I never planned on this. All my life, like everyone else, I said I would never, ever depend on my children in my old age.

Right now, they could use my help. The children are 4 and 5, the eldest has a year of kindergarten under his belt. With summer coming and mom and dad working, I can keep them at home and out of day care.

I am putting my furniture in storage and I will be given my own bedroom. I plan to find work I can do from home (I'm a medical transcriptionist) and therefore, I plan to contribute to the family budget.

I guess I only feel okay about this because I can help them while they're helping me. Still, the closer I get to the moving day, the more frightened I become that I'm making a big mistake.

My son, his wife and I get along great. There have never been serious disagreements among us, but then, as they say, you never know someone until you live with them.

Are there any of you out there who have similar experiences to share? Are there parents out there the age of my son and his wife who have considered such a living arrangement?

I'm sure I'm not the only boomer considering such an arrangement. It's just that right now I feel like I'm the only one.

Any advice at all would be so very appreciated.

SageMother

It sounds like this could be a win/win situation as long as your personal space is respected.

I can understand your concern as you will be under another woman's roof and you don't necessarily agree on many things. I suggest that, when there are frictionsbetween the parents and their children, you make yourself scarce. If you have this urge to speak to a subject concerning child rearing, you might have to almost bite your tongue off but do not offer any advice that isne't expressly asked for.

Your strength will be your ability to simply listen without becoming involved, IMHO. If you are relatively successful with this approach, the I feel that your counsel will be sought without the chance that resentments build.

Good Luck!

Kaytee

the only experience I have is when my grandparents (now deceased) moved in with my parents while in highschool, but totally different circumstances. They were elderly and needed to be taken care of, while you are young and still doing your own thing.
I agree with Sagemom that as long as they respect your space and you respect theirs, things should work out great! Good luck and let us know

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Stephanie2377

I know you said how you are helping them out. How is moving in with them helping you out? (besides getting good, quality family time)

I think it is very admirable that you are willing to move in with your son in order to help them out. I would suggest setting up very clearly what expectations are (as far as what you do vs. what they do, discipline with the children, meals, etc) Are you considered a guest? Or, are you considered part of the family that pulls her own weight?

I love my mother-in-law, but it would be tough to suddenly share a household with her. Just be honest with your daughter-in-law and see how she envisions this going.

mamab

I agree with Stephanie, and was going to suggest that you lay things out to begin with. Ask them, point blank, but tactfully, what they want you to help with around the house. Will you be responsible for doing some of the cooking, laundry, general housework, or will the wife be doing it like she always has? How do they want you to discipline the kiddos while you're alone with them during the summer? Are there some things that they specifically DON'T want you to do? What part of the financial needs will you be expected to help with? Those are all things that I'd want to know, if I were in your shoes.

I think it's a great opportunity for you to get to spend time with the grandkids. I wish my parents were closer (they're in a different state), so my kids don't really know them that well. I think I'd look at it as a blessing, and just make sure you know the groundrules going in.

Let us know how things go!