http://www.parentingforums.org/ Parenting Forums, Parenting Resources, and Community for Parents. Discuss Child Development, Education, Health and Nutrition with Fellow Parents and Educators. en Tue, 21 May 2013 19:27:16 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.cgstatic.com/parentingforums.org/images/parents/misc/rss.jpg http://www.parentingforums.org/ http://www.parentingforums.org/14179/view Mon, 21 Jan 2013 02:54:00 GMT Every day it seems like we hear of another story that makes us shake our heads. Now I hear about a 5-year-old kindergartner who was suspended... Every day it seems like we hear of another story that makes us shake our heads.

Now I hear about a 5-year-old kindergartner who was suspended from school for telling a friend that she was going to shoot her . . . with a pink toy gun that blows soapy bubbles. The context of the discussion is still somewhat unclear, but the little girl was suspended for ten days (later dropped to two days) and labeled as a “terrorist threat.” Yep, a five-year-old is now a threat to the greater good of society.

When I read that, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. The big scary five-year-old with her pink bubble shooting gun was going to wreak havoc on the world. Really?

I get that zero tolerance was created to make rules more uniform and to send the message that schools were going to get tougher where violent crimes were concerned. Unfortunately, zero tolerance has seemed to take away common sense. When did common sense become not so common?

I remember when my now 20-year-old daughter was in junior high. A few of the girls thought it would be funny to tie up one of the gym's bathroom stalls with paper towels. It wasn't the brightest move, sure, but they thought the next class would find it funny, which they did. My daughter, being the creative type, thought it would look even better with a bow, so she took some paper towels, made a pretty little bow out of it, and placed it on the stall. End of story, right?

No, it resulted in a three-day suspension for “destruction of school property.” What was destroyed? A five-dollar roll of paper towels? I fought and I fought hard, clear up to the superintendent, but zero tolerance was “their rule.” Um, okay, so why did the kids who wrote with permanent marker on the bathrooms only get lunchroom duty for a week? If anything, that was destructive.

Don’t get me wrong. I do think the girls needed some kind of punishment. While the prank was well received by the other girls, it was definitely wrong. But wouldn't a natural consequence have worked better? At most, they created maybe five extra minutes of work for the janitor, so doesn't it make more sense to have them help the janitor for a couple of days? Honestly that’s what the girls thought was going to happen, and they all felt that the prank was worth it. Had they known that suspension was the punishment, they certainly would have thought twice.

So I ask, am I the only one who thinks zero tolerance has gone too far? ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/14179/view http://www.parentingforums.org/14178/view Mon, 21 Jan 2013 02:49:01 GMT Bullying. It’s a real concern and no one can deny that. I’m sure most of us even have a story or two about a bully from our own childhood, but are we... Bullying. It’s a real concern and no one can deny that. I’m sure most of us even have a story or two about a bully from our own childhood, but are we overusing the word? It seems like everywhere I look, people are talking about how a child is being bullied, but when you look at the actual incident, it’s more like a one-time thing where a child is being . . . well, a child. The two-year-old who bites in preschool, the three-year-old who’s still pushing and shoving to get their way, the four-year-old who doesn't want to play with another kid and says so. Our these behaviors acceptable? Of course not, but they are normal behaviors in young children.

Yet, time and time again I will hear or read where other parents say that the child on the receiving end is being bullied and that the parents need to put a stop to it now. So now we have two-year-olds being labeled as bullies for being two-year-olds? Am I the only one who finds this crazy?

According to stopbullying.gov, the definition of bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.”

Now I’m not trying to make light of bullying. It is definitely a real and concerning problem for many of our youth.

According to the CDC, twenty percent of students in grades 9-12 experience some type of bullying, and according to the National Center for Education Statistics, twenty-eight percent of 6th-12th graders experience some type of bullying. That’s almost one fourth of our school kids! These are scary statistics, but I’m not sure preschool-aged children really do what they do to have power over another individual. They are just very me-oriented little people.

But what if your child is really being bullied. What actions can you take?

*Talk to your kids about what bullying is. Give them the tools to identify it early. There are some cute little webisodes for the younger crowds on this very topic.
*Keep communication open, so that they know they can come to you with a problem.
*Help them find things that they love. A child with good self-confidence is less likely to be bullied.
*Most important, model how to be kind to and respectful of others.

Stopping bullying doesn't happen overnight. It’s a process that involves swift action by the adults in the child’s life. Most schools have a policy in the event that bullying becomes a problem. Know what this policy is; an educated parent is going to be able to do more than a parent who doesn't understand the policies.

Finally, you are your child’s greatest advocate. Don’t be afraid to advocate for them. If a child can’t handle the situation on his or her own, it is up to the parents to step in and squash it before it gets too far. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/14178/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13999/view Mon, 12 Nov 2012 21:17:36 GMT With winter upon us, keeping our children entertained can be a little challenging. It really can be a pain getting the kids loaded up in their winter... With winter upon us, keeping our children entertained can be a little challenging. It really can be a pain getting the kids loaded up in their winter gear to send them outside, and while some love the cold and love playing in it, others don’t. So what's a parent to do?

There are of course those good old-fashioned standbys: coloring books, finger paints, puzzles, and Play Doh. Yes, I know Play Doh makes many of us cringe since clean-up can be such a pain, but for kids it really can be hours of fun.

Eventually, though, even those things start to get stale. This is one of those times that as a parent, I just love the internet. It can be a great place for resources, and as a homeschooling mom I am always trying to find ways to work in the holidays as part of our curriculum.

With the holidays fast approaching, finding fun activities is a little easier. I thought I would share a few of my favorites.

Thanksgiving:
* How about a blessing tree? This is place to put all of the things you are thankful for.
* How about a hand photo frame? I love this one, even for the older kids.
* Then there is Enchanted Learning, which has some great printables for the younger kids.

Christmas:
* My personal favorite is popsicle snowflakes. We had hours of fun with this one and they make great decorations.
* Advent calendars are a great way to count down the days.
* How about these ornaments and their cute little play on the hand turkeys?

Of course don’t forget after a long hard day of crafts, or a winter play to sit and relax with a nice hot cup of cocoa. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13999/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13759/view Mon, 20 Aug 2012 23:57:08 GMT I don’t know about anyone else, but laundry in my house is never-ending. It is a battle; one missed day of a load or two can set us back for days.... I don’t know about anyone else, but laundry in my house is never-ending. It is a battle; one missed day of a load or two can set us back for days. I’d do anything to see an empty hamper for more than five minutes, but nope, just as soon as it is empty someone changes their clothes, gets dirty, or has an accident.

Now I have to admit that I am lucky because I have older kids who wash and dry while I fold and sort. Over the years I have learned a few tips, and even when my mountain looks insurmountable I believe that these few things make a difference.

1. Use sorting baskets. These are a great way to cut back on a step and are something all members of the family can do.
2. Don’t rush to throw the clothes right into the hamper. Just because it was worn does not mean it is dirty. I can wear a pair of pants for a few days before they need to be washed, and the same is true for kids.
3. Make it a habit to throw at least one load of laundry in the washer a day. Even if you can’t get to it until the next day, it’s one less load you will have to do when you have laundry day.
4. Wash your bedding only when needed. Bedding is done every other week here. We are pretty clean when we head off to bed so there is no real need to do it more than that, unless there is an accident of course.
4. Use cold water. You won't have to sort as much because it’s okay to have a darker color with a lighter color if you use cold water. It will also be lot nicer on your electric or gas bill.
5. Put the clean clothes away. Here’s where my family gets into trouble. It’s honestly not that hard and every age can get involved, but we are a little lazy about this.

So what tips do you have? ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13759/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13694/view Tue, 31 Jul 2012 00:49:00 GMT The death of a beloved pet can be a very sad and scary time for children. Pets are more than just animals. They are family. Helping children cope... The death of a beloved pet can be a very sad and scary time for children. Pets are more than just animals. They are family. Helping children cope with the loss of a pet in a healthy way can set the stage for other losses in their lives. Here are some key thing to think about when a pet dies.

* Be honest, as hard as it is. It really is the best thing to do.
* Avoid saying that the pet “went to sleep.” This can be confusing to the very young.
* Let them ask questions and answer as honestly as you can within their age range.
* Help the child cope. A memorial or a scrapbook is a good way to help them remember the good times.

Recent events in my own family have reminded me of how a pet's death affects children.

Eight months ago, my dog gave birth to nine puppies: two long-haired brown ones and seven short-haired black and white ones. My kids wanted to keep one so badly, but we already had three dogs and keeping one more just seemed like overkill. My 8-year-old daughter thought otherwise.

She adored them so much that my husband and I decided to give her one as a birthday present. She was so excited to come home after spending the day with her sister to see one of the pups dressed in a cute little bow with a brand new collar. Things progressed, she worked with him, trained him, and really surprised me with how involved she was with him (usually the hard work ends up falling on me).

At about 6 to 7 months of age, however, he contracted Parvo, a pretty deadly disease in dogs. For a week straight, night and day, we traded off taking care of him. All that hard work paid off when on about the eighth day, he perked up as if nothing happened. This brings me to yesterday, about a month after the Parvo incident. I was awoken by my husband, who said it was important and that I needed to come outside right now.

My daughter's pup was on the ground, barely breathing. You really had to look to see any movement in his chest.

I did not know what to do. Did I wake her or did I let her sleep and just tell her later? I ended up going to one of my older girls and asking her what she would want me to do if the situation were reversed. This wasn’t the first animal we have had that died, but usually they were older and it wasn’t a surprise. We also had time to prepare the kids. This time it was so sudden.

We decided to wake her. It was heartbreaking to watch her cry, kiss, and stroke her puppy one last time. She was with him till the end, then she went inside and cried herself to sleep.

My husband and son dug his grave, wrapped him in a blanket, and laid him to rest. They didn’t throw the dirt over him yet, though. I am a little strange that way, but I always like to wait a few hours. We covered the hole with some wood and came in the house, checking often to make sure that our other dogs left the area alone.

Approximately two hours later, my older daughter went outside to go for a little run. When I heard screaming, I thought something had maybe happened to one of our other dogs. To my surprise and horror, however, I saw the dog we just buried stumbling around the yard! It was completely disoriented and not steady on his feet at all.

Honestly I cannot say what was running through my head. We were minutes away from completely burring him! I gathered him up and placed him on a blanket and then called a 24-hour vet hospital that was over two hours away. The vet at first thought it was a prank call. Who can blame her? I couldn’t believe it myself.

To make this rather long story short, within 4 hours he was back to his normal self, as if nothing had ever happened. Within 6 hours he was back to driving me crazy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Talk about an emotional roller coaster! ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13694/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13681/view Wed, 25 Jul 2012 19:38:00 GMT Lying. The big L. All parents have been there or will be there at some point: when their little one looks up at them and says “No, mom, I didn’t just... Lying. The big L. All parents have been there or will be there at some point: when their little one looks up at them and says “No, mom, I didn’t just break the plate.” The plate we clearly saw them drop.

Why do young kids lie? Why do older teens lie? I think the answer is the same at any age.

A few of my children are quite good at it, a few I have to pay closer attention to, and then there are the two who can't lie to save their lives. I mean, bright neon letters pop out of the top of their heads screaming “liar.” They would not be the people you would want to be in charge of national secrets.

In most cases where young children lie, it’s to tell stories. They want their adventures to sound better than they really are. My 5 year old is the king of this one. Vegetarian vampires were his favorite for quite a while, and they were always intertwined with something that really happened . . . only better.

In many cases, as long as young children understand the difference between fantasy and reality, it shouldn’t be a problem. But what if they are just straight out lying? What then?

In my house, a lie is punishable and the truth will set you free. That doesn’t mean that their actions won’t have consequences if warranted, only that the punishment will be far smaller if the truth is told.

When you catch your children lying, the first thing to do is figure out why they're lying. Is it fear? Fear can be a great motivator when kids choose a lie over the truth. Self-preservation is a strong need in many young children.

What if they are protecting someone? Older children often do this for their younger siblings, as nobody wants to be the rat in the family. Getting my own kids to understand that the only person they are hurting is themselves took some time and a lot of patience.

How about those lies that just slip out? The ones where they answer the question before they have actually thought it through. We have all been there at one point or another. I know I have been guilty of it myself. When it happens with my kids, though, I will often just repeat the question. I try to give them a chance to correct their answer. In most cases that is all it takes.

More than anything, I believe that kids lie because they love us, they want our approval, and they do not want to disappoint us. It's humbling when you really think about it, because they just cannot grasp that no matter what they do, we will always love them. However, love and approval do not always have to go hand in hand.

Here are some good conflict resolutions when faced with lying.

* Do not play the blame game. Stick to the topic at hand.
* Do not cross-examine. This will only cause them to close themselves off from you.
* When asking the question, try not to put them into a position where they feel a lie is needed.
* Remember when they are truthful to be appreciative of the truth. That doesn’t mean the action isn’t punishable.

This doesn’t mean your child will never lie again in their lives. That’s not realistic. But a good foundation will make it so that in the right situations they will feel comfortable coming to you with the truth. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13681/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13661/view Thu, 19 Jul 2012 17:45:11 GMT Circumcision. You’re either for it or against it. It’s a big decision that parents have to make when they hear “It’s a boy!” The information out... Circumcision. You’re either for it or against it. It’s a big decision that parents have to make when they hear “It’s a boy!” The information out there can be very overwhelming for not just first-time parents but veteran parents who are rethinking where they stand on the issue as well. Where it was once a given that sons would be circumcised, things have changed.

As with many things, what was once held as fact is no longer true: information changes, research advances, and our parenting is forced to adapt. It is definitely not one size fits all.

Recently in Cologne, Germany, the act of circumcision has been made illegal. CBC NEWS, Yes, a criminal act. There is no religious exemption. The lower courts found that circumcision went "against the interests of a child to decide later for himself what religion he wishes to belong to." In essence the courts have said that religious considerations are not enough of a reason to justify that kind of surgery. Why? Because the courts found that it causes “bodily harm to babies.”

So where do I stand in this whole debate? Interesting question. While I personally oppose circumcision, is it really criminal? I have a hard time making that leap. All parents do what they believe is in the best interest of their child, and most make their choices off of the wealth of information out there.

I will admit to cringing when I hear a parent's reasoning is because dad is done or they don't want their son to be made fun of. Yet, it is their choice and I respect it grudgingly. To be honest, though, dad and son are never going to be comparing their penises, nor are young men in the locker room. Add into that fact that being intact is now the new normal, and the logic does escape me.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know. I am interested in other parents' opinions, though: not just on whether or a not an infant should be circumcised, but whether Germany is actually onto something. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13661/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13615/view Sun, 08 Jul 2012 19:32:18 GMT Potty training. Those words can strike fear in many first-time parents. When should we start? How do we start? Is our child ready? Should we use... Potty training. Those words can strike fear in many first-time parents. When should we start? How do we start? Is our child ready? Should we use rewards? Should we start with pull-ups or go straight to underwear? Those are just a few questions that will run through every parent's head.

Even as a veteran parent, I think it can be a bit confusing. I admit I am not the best about bottle breaking (that is my parenting weakness), but I'm a pro at potty training . . . or so I thought.

Every one of my children was potty trained right after their second birthday. I was armed with a carpet cleaner and every room had a potty chair. I was good to go. Sure, the first day or two was messy, but after that they would catch on. Within a week they would have it down pat and short of an accident here and there, they were potty trained.

Then came my last child. A beautiful little girl who challenged every notion I had ever had about potty training.

She was stubborn, completely capable, but unwilling to work with me. I remember when she was about 2 years old. I decided we were going to give it a go, and a go she gave it. Within an hour she had managed to pee on a puppy! She knew what she was doing; you could see it in her eyes and hear it in her laugh. After cleaning the pup up and explaining that we do not pee on our pets, I got her to use the potty. Great! I thought. Until she decided to tip a kitchen plunger I had upside down and pee in it. The final straw was when she tried to pee in a cup.

She was ready. She just wasn’t willing to play the game.

I tried off and on for the next two months, and since she still would not give in I decided to just wait a little longer. Then at 2.5 years old she sat down and has not looked back. I can’t really say what changed, but I am very thankful to finally be done with diapers.

So what can parents look for to help them make the transition a little easier?

While the average age for potty training is around 2 years old, some kids can take much longer. It’s not uncommon for some kids to not be ready till they reach the age of 4.

From a mental standpoint, a child's brain needs to be able to receive the message that the bladder is full. Typically this happens between 18-22 months of age, but again, every child is different. Physically, a child needs to be able to dress and undress themselves. They should be able to reach the seat with a stool, though a little help from mom and dad is okay. They also have to be able to recognize the need to go. Developmentally, they need to want to be independent. It’s important that they want to be responsible for themselves.

As a parent you need to be able to read their cues. If they are not telling you they have gone to the bathroom, then they are probably hiding in a corner somewhere looking for privacy. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13615/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13592/view Tue, 26 Jun 2012 20:26:06 GMT Summer for kids means many different things. For the young it involves a survival kit that comes out only once a year. In this kit are items like... Summer for kids means many different things. For the young it involves a survival kit that comes out only once a year. In this kit are items like bubbles and sand buckets, pools and Slip 'N Slides, finger paints and sidewalk chalk. That is of course unless you live in a small town in Colorado, where the home owners association has decided to put a temporary ban on sidewalk chalk.

Why? Their concern is that the art is distracting and disruptive to neighbors. I have to admit, I don’t get it. Sure it’s a little colorful and I can even see it being distracting, but disruptive to neighbors? There is no noise involved while a child sits on the ground and thinks about what their next work of art is going to be about. There is no noise involved as little hands draw out their latest creations. Compared to many other summertime activities, this one seems pretty mild.

If they want to start banning things that are disruptive I can think of many other summer activities that would fit the bill. How about basketball? That orange ball can make a lot of noise as it hits the ground and the backboard of the net. Then there’s water activities. We all know that water plus kids equals a lot of noise: their squeals of delight can be quite deafening at times!

I could see the home owners associations' point if we were talking about little kids roaming the neighborhood with cans of spray paint. Now that would be a reason to complain! But unlike spray paint, sidewalk chalk is completely washable. So I ask again, what’s the big deal?

With sidewalk chalk, every day is a new day and a new canvas. Is really that harmful to anyone? Who exactly is it distracting and disrupting? If it’s that bothersome to you, maybe you should stay off your neighbor's property. Problem solved.

Maybe it’s me, maybe I am missing something, but I am really not seeing the other side's perspective on this. So what about you? Where do you stand in this debate? ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13592/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13580/view Thu, 21 Jun 2012 22:21:05 GMT There’s an interesting story going around about a young man named Saul Tello, Jr... There’s an interesting story going around about a young man named Saul Tello, Jr. He was valedictorian of his class with a GPA of approximately 4.2 and opted to do his speech in Spanish. For this kid, the decision was simple. He wanted to ensure that the most important people in his life could understand him: his parents.

However, there has been some backlash about his choice, not so much within his community, but within the media. In the media, his speech has turned into a debate on immigration, and how unfair it is to give the speech in Spanish; leaving out parents and students who couldn't understand what was being said.

I have to ask though, if he had only given the speech in English, would it have not left out the people who do speak Spanish? Possibly the very people who raised this young man? But little did he know that choosing the language of his parents would create such a maelstrom of emotions.

I’m sure some might wonder why he didn’t just do it in English and Spanish. He wanted to. He wanted to honor both of his cultures, but the school felt that it would be to time consuming and told him to pick just one language and present it that way.

So he did. He honored the people who held him when he was sick. He honored the ones who held the most influential role in his life and he choose to do something no one before him had ever done: give the speech in Spanish.

In my opinion, this young man took a risk. As a parent, I would be proud beyond belief. Do we not teach our children to be true to themselves? To stand up and take risks? To stand firm in their beliefs and do the right thing?

His speech has been turned into so much more than that, though. It’s sad as a parent to see that instead of this young man's accomplishments being honored, his story is being placed in the forefront of immigration and a “national” language debate.

We can debate these topics until we are blue in the face. The school let this young man down. How hard would it have been to allow both languages? An extra 5 minutes at the end would have been a very small amount of time when you consider the average graduation commencement runs from an hour and a half to two hours. Instead of talking about this young man's choices, maybe the focus should be on what the school could have done differently.

I don’t know about you, but if I were his parent, I would be beaming with pride. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13580/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13520/view Wed, 06 Jun 2012 13:43:06 GMT With the weather warming up outside, more and more kids and parents are heading out to their local parks. It’s a good chance for little ones to run... With the weather warming up outside, more and more kids and parents are heading out to their local parks. It’s a good chance for little ones to run around and work off their abundant energy (energy I wouldn’t mind having) and to meet and play with other kids their age.

Playgrounds are a great resource for many parents, but there are risks involved. Every year more than 200,000 kids are treated in the ER for playground-related injuries. Many of these injuries could have been prevented.

With a few precautions in place, each trip to the playground can be not only fun, but safe.

Adult supervision is probably the most important thing a parent can do when it comes to preventing accidents. As tempting as it is to sit down, read a book, and bask in a few moments of peace, the playground may not always be the best place to do this. A wide variety of age groups will likely play together; with older kids testing their boundaries and younger kids still learning to walk, accidents are bound to happen.

Inspect the equipment. Make sure that it is free of debris and is on a soft play area with either rubber mats or wood chips. Check that there are no screws, nuts, or bolts sticking out and that the equipment is appropriate for the age of your child. Many playgrounds have designated areas for different age groups. If yours doesn’t, then you will need to pay closer attention. Look at things like guardrails; they should measure 3 ½ inches apart or wider than 9 inches. As a kid who was prone to getting her head stuck in things, I see the value here.

Teach your children some playground etiquette. Ideally kids would have perfect manners, but let’s be realistic here; they are children and in the heat of the moment, logic goes by the wayside. A few basic reminders before play begins should be enough to make sure things go as smoothly as possible. For example, no rough housing, be cautious of others around you, respect personal space, tell a parent or trusted adult if something goes wrong. This is a learning curves for little ones, but the older ones should be able to handle it.

Once the hard work is out of the way, have fun and don’t forget the sunscreen. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13520/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13490/view Tue, 29 May 2012 13:54:46 GMT It’s that time of year where parents look back and wonder “Where did the time go?” One day, you are looking into the face of your innocent newborn... It’s that time of year where parents look back and wonder “Where did the time go?” One day, you are looking into the face of your innocent newborn and the next day, you're watching him or her walk the line to get a high school diploma. When you are in the trenches of teething, temper tantrums, and bad attitudes, it is hard to see that one day your little baby will be a young adult, ready to take on the world.

There’s a lot to think about with graduation. We think prom is stressful, and it is, but graduation brings a whole new set of things to think about and get done.

*Announcements. Do you buy the overpriced generic high school ones or do you get creative? My vote is to get creative. They’re cheaper and in my opinion much nicer looking.

*Senior photos. The obvious decision here is to them yourselves, but not all parents have what it takes to do that. So look for photographers searching for models, but understand that they are in the beginning stages of creating a business and may not be exactly what you're expecting. If you want sure fire shots, look around locally. Make sure to look closely at the photographer's portfolio to decide if his or her style fits what you are looking for.

*Dress codes. Many schools have graduation ceremony dress codes, so make sure that your child is in compliance with it. The last thing you want is for them to not be able to walk because they chose to ignore this one important aspect.

*Graduation party. Will it be an open house immediately following the ceremony or a party at a different date and at a different location? Make a list of everything you will need so you aren't running around all over town finding things you may have forgotten on the big day.

This reminds me of a funny story about my daughter's graduation. The day of the ceremony, I went out to get her balloons and a card. Piece of cake, right? Wrong. Apparently there was a nationwide shortage of helium. Yes, helium. Only one store within 30 miles of us had balloons and there was only one geared towards graduation. I was lucky enough to get that one, and I felt like the queen of the world. I figured I would just grab some flowers and a card to go with that one precious balloon, but no. If there was a flower to be found that day, I was not going to be the person to find it. Alright, then. A card and a balloon it is. But then on the ride home, the balloon popped. So all I was left with was a card, a measly little card.
Thankfully, my daughter gave me credit for effort and in the end it was a great night.

The last of my teenagers is set to embark on a new chapter in her life now. You’d think with four other little ones at home this it would be a relief, but it’s not. I am proud beyond belief, no question about that. Yet it’s still a little sad to know that at some point they too are no longer going to need me in the same way they do now.

I know that since my mom survived my moving on, as her mother did, then I will too. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it! ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13490/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13455/view Tue, 22 May 2012 02:19:11 GMT Last year our school district proposed new plans for the 2011-2012 school year that left me feeling apprehensive and a bit unsure. In order to save... Last year our school district proposed new plans for the 2011-2012 school year that left me feeling apprehensive and a bit unsure. In order to save money, the school proposed a 4-day school week. While it sounded cool at first, it meant longer school days. I wasn’t concerned for my last teenager still in school, but I was worried about my 10-year-old, 8-year-old, and newly entering kindergartner.

My 10-year-old has ADD, so school days have always been a struggle for him. His teachers used to joke that if a fly made a noise a mile away, he would hear it and lose his focus, and by the end of the day he was literally jumping out of his seat. We have kept him medication free, as we felt it was best, but it does pose challenges for him and for his amazing teachers.

Then there was my newly turned 5-year-old. He turned 5 a mere two days before kindergarten started. Most parents of 5-year-olds will tell you that sometimes they are just not emotionally where they need to be. This was true in my son's case. I knew he was very capable of the work, but was he emotionally ready? These questions and concerns left me wondering if there was another choice, another option.

Over the years, homeschooling has always intrigued me, but would I be able to do it? I didn’t graduate high school. Although I did only have one semester left and took a large portion of honors classes, I still I had to question myself. I had to really think about whether or not it was something I could do.

And the more I thought about it, the more I believed I could do it. After much research, I settled on a program and decided to give it a try. Since I was going to try homeschooling with the 5- and 10-year-old, I chose to allow the 8-year-old to join us in our new adventure.

It was a rough first two weeks. The work itself was fine, but finding our groove and getting the kids to understand that when it’s time to learn I am no longer mom, but teacher was challenging. Honestly, there were moments when I wondered what I had gotten myself into. As time went on, it got a lot easier. Sure, there were rough days and days when they didn’t want to work, but here we are at the end of the year and I can say it has been a great experience.

There were many nights when I had to sit up and relearn fractions or percentages. It’s really amazing what gets lost through the years, because I can’t think of a time where fractions, outside of baking, is used. As for percentages? Unless it involves a sale, I don’t come across many opportunities to keep my skills fresh. This whole process has really opened my eyes, and I have greater respect for teachers. I only had to teach three kids; teachers have upwards of thirty students at one time. I am surprised that most of them manage to stay sane, and yet I can see why most keep going back. It really is a rewarding experience.

So what are my plans for next year? I’m not sure. Right now we are leaning towards staying with the homeschooling program we are on and waiting to see what our home district will do. For now, the way things stand, I believe the best choice is to continue on the path we have already started. It was very challenging at times, but it was also one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Even if we choose to not do it next year, I am thankful for having the opportunity to do so this year. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13455/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13442/view Thu, 17 May 2012 13:11:33 GMT For many parents, setting up the nursery includes setting up the crib. The walls are painted the perfect color, the furniture is picked, and the... For many parents, setting up the nursery includes setting up the crib. The walls are painted the perfect color, the furniture is picked, and the theme is settled on. Then there is the crib.

Heirloom or new? The idea of passing on a crib is one thing many parents dream of. They have been saving it for years just waiting for their future grandchildren, but is it the right choice and what about second-hand cribs? With tough economic times, many parents are finding themselves looking at gently used cribs. Here are things to consider before making a choice.

First look at the slats. They should be no more 2-3/8 inches wide. The headboard should have no cut outs and the baby's arms and legs should not be able to fit through any gaps.

Make sure that all hardware is accounted for, it fits securely, and no bolts, nuts, or other hardware is exposed.

If the crib has corner posts, they should not extend more the 1/16 inches above the rails. If the crib has finials, decorative ornaments on the corners, they need to be at least 16 inches above the rails to help prevent clothing and other articles from getting caught on them.

Make sure the mattress frame is secure and cannot be pushed upwards from the bottom.

Check with the manufacturer and make sure that there has not been a recall on the crib.

Another thing to consider is that the only thing that should be placed inside a newborns crib is a nice firm mattress and some tight fitting sheets. Things like pillows, comforters, and bumpers do not belong in the crib; these things could lead to suffocation. Make sure to place cribs away from windows or blinds, and avoid using mobiles. If you feel the need for a mobile make sure to place it high enough that it is out of reach, and remove it at night.

Blankets are considered another no-no. If you are worried about your newborn or infant getting cold, look into sleep sacks. They are a great way to keep your baby warm without running the risk of a blanket getting pulled over the head at night.

The first time you lay eyes on your perfect bundle of joy, you’ll be very thankful that you took the time to make sure his or her new environment is the safest place possible. Parents already have enough to worry about; one less thing can only make their job easier. ]]> Front Page Articles mom2many http://www.parentingforums.org/13442/view http://www.parentingforums.org/13402/view Sun, 06 May 2012 02:15:00 GMT If you're a new special needs parent, you will be crossing into some unfamiliar territory that your friends and peers may be ill equipped to help you with.

One specific item that is on my mind is the Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings. When you enroll your kids in school, you will be asked to sign and return a letter that outlines your rights as the parent of a special needs child and includes information about the IEP. You will also be given a copy for your records. It's important to read and understand this. If it is unclear, ask for clarification until it is crystal clear.

The IEP meeting revolves around Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE), which is part of fulfilling the state's obligation and is required in the US. I personally take charge of this meeting. I control the direction it goes and get it back on track if it gets derailed. I also try to do it in the same order each time because I have found that I am less likely to forget or leave something out when it's standardized.

All of our experiences and our children needs are different, but I have a few recommendations to make the most of your meeting.

1. Be prepared. I make notes and determine what I want discussed prior to the meeting. While it may not sound like much, this is value-added homework. The problem is when parents and teachers get together, we begin telling stories. It's fun to talk about our kids, and it's especially fun to talk with someone else who knows them. Unfortunately, this is often how we lose track of time. If the meeting it kept on track, there will be time for telling war stories at the end, after all of the important points have been addressed. Having written notes and a plan prevents the meeting being derailed. It's pretty easy to point to your notes and explain the need for keeping the meeting moving. This method has yet to offend anyone I am aware of.

2. Take the meeting seriously. This might seem trivial but I advise that you start by dressing like you're attending a meeting, not like you just took a break from mowing the lawn or cleaning the house to attend. I think this helps the staff and others professionals in attendance take you seriously.

3. Make sure everyone who is needed is invited. You don't want to allow for unfinished business at the end of the meeting. The people who should attend, in my opinion, are:
· A representative of the administration who will be responsible for making sure you needs are funded and can clear any potential roadblocks.
· People who can commit to dates, tasks, and responsibilities. Otherwise you just wasted an hour of everyone's day.
· People in charge of the different disciplines involved. For example, speech pathologists and therapists.
· People tasked with assessing your child.
Typically the teacher will ask who you want to attend and make the invites. I don't typically invite aides. I work under the assumption that they are working closely with the teacher and that he/she can represent them.

4. Listen. God knows I am not the smartest fella in the world. These people are professionals who likely have some insights I did not consider.

5. Schedule enough time. The IEP meeting takes longer than a typical parent-teacher conference. You don't want to be rushed. I like to make it for an hour and prefer that it's the last meeting of the day for the school staff. That way if I go beyond the hour, I'm not infringing on someone else's meeting or getting rushed out of the room.

6. Determine who will record the meeting, then start with introductions. It's important to know who is around you.

7. Start off by discussing special needs. These are the things you believe are necessary for your child to receive a FAPE. Special needs are generally specific and to the point, which is why I like to start off meetings with them. They are also easy to forget if left to the end.

If you want something specific, this is the time to bring it up. Bring it up now and make sure it is included in the meeting minutes. If your child needs an aide for getting off the bus, going to lunch, being transported to or from therapy, constant supervision, etc., it must be included in the IEP plan or the school does not have to honor it. A special tray for eating or tactile seat for sitting needs to be in the plan.

If the school/attendees are unable or unwilling accommodate a need, it can be addressed either by appeal or other means. Make sure that everything is included in the minutes.

8. Cover goals next. Discuss the outcome of prior goals (all of them) then move on to new goals that are both achievable and challenging. I think it is helpful to complete the prior goals list first because it gives everyone time to digest the results before moving on to new goals.

I am not a big fan of making the next year's goals at the end of the year. I prefer to allow a week or so after the school year begins before setting goals for the new year. I do this because a lot can change in the summer, and things are forgotten. I like to give the teacher a little time to settle in too. We also do more than one IEP meeting (beginning, middle, and end of the year). The ongoing instruction from me is that if a goal is clearly not going to be met, I do not want to find out at the IEP. I want to know when they know a goal is in jeopardy. We can and will adjust a goal at any time.

Please make sure teachers understand that babysitting is not acceptable. I see this a lot in other schools.

9. When the meeting is over, read and sign off on the minutes. Usually a final draft is mailed later. I also kind of give a little pep talk where I sincerely congratulate people and thank them for the hard work. I also let them know I am excited about the plan we have chosen.

10. If time allows, indulge in war stories about the kids! I love them. Some bring tears to my eyes. I just love, love, love talking and listening to stories about my kids. If there isn't time for this, then at the very least try and end the meeting on a high note. ]]> Special Needs Parenting bssage http://www.parentingforums.org/13402/view