There are certian things I should have handled better, and my comments posted here are watered down to help reflect how we are trying handing it now, not so much how we have handled every specific interaction since I discovered them having sex. There have been some "bad" moments in terms of judgement, but no serious errors.
It does appear that our specific situation is related to sexual exploration gone too far. I might have more to say, but I want to carefully think about what I should and shouldn't say.
Here