Thank you all for your suggestions and support. My fiance and I talked for a very long time last night. Fallon is right, the lying with my fiance is a habit. I don't get loud and harsh the first few times her or the kids make the same mistake. I am realistic. People make many mistakes every day. It's just usually not the same mistake. However, when they continue to make the same mistakes over and over, especially the big ones ie: lying to me, I do tend to be a bit loud and harsh, not abusive but there's no mistaking that I'm upset. I know that may not be the right reaction, but I am human and lying IMO is a very big deal. I also don't feel that intelligent people should need 20 or 30 tries to get anything right. I'm not exaggerating here, all of them really do make the same silly mistakes repeatedly and have for the entire time I've been here. The major frustration over this behavior on my part tends to make me get loud and harsh about a lot of stuff, especially now that I'm stressed to the max. This is why my fiance said she felt like she needed to lie to me. She wasn't prepared to deal with what she assumed my reaction would be. Since I made my feelings about the need for honesty and trust in a relationship very clear to her before we even officially had one, I don't see how she thought lying to me would not have hurt me and made me far more upset than the truth ever could have. Furthermore, if she had come to me as my partner and told me about the van situation, I could have borrowed enough money for a payment or two from some close friends. Also, my daughter's bad grades were not the result of her goofing off in school. She is apparently having genuine difficulty and is being tutored. My mother would ground me until my next report card for a D or F I got as a result of laziness. However, when my Algebra teacher wrote her a letter explaining that I was trying very hard, but just didn't get it, my Mom understood and got me help. I would have reacted the same if my fiance and daughter had had enough faith and trust in me to be honest about the situation. I guess that's my point. It's not the loss of the van or a couple of bad grades that has me so upset. It's the complete lack of faith, trust and honesty that my fiance and oldest children have shown me. At the end of our discussion last night I agreed to chill out a bit, but did tell her that if she hid one more thing or told me one more lie I was walking. I also agreed not to threaten to leave again. This is the fourth and most serious time I've come close to walking away from her. I do love them all very much and in the end that's what matters most. I had a very long talk with an old and dear friend last night. Like any true friend, they told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to here. They reminded me of some things I said I would never do if I had kids, and how strong I truly am. They told me that their memory of my strength is what helped them survive times that make what I'm going through seem like a picnic. So, hopefully both myself and my fiance can make genuine positive changes in ourselves and get our act back together. Thank you all again for your support. I'm glad I found this forum. If there's ever any time I can return the favor, please don't hesitate to ask.
