It has currently been brought to my attention that our children have no rights. I divorced my husband 11 years ago and off and on he has filed mindless petitions with the court that have all been denied. In 1999/2000 there was a PFA issued against him for our daughter. It took him about a year before he was able to see her again regularly and about a year ago he filed for primary physical custody and won. The reason given by the local Judge, regardless of his history of violent behavior, was that I have shown myself to be selfish when I took a free trip to Japan in the summer of 2006 and my refusal to allow my biological mother in the lives of myself and my child. The judge even went so far as to give this woman (that gave me up for adoption) rights to contact our daughter against my wishes and expressed concerns. During the trip mentioned above our daughter was either with her father or a member of my family during my absence.
The order to change custody was given in January but Custody was not actually changed until the end of August. Since then he has again started to show signs of his temper being out of control. He has broken glasses against walls, punched holes in the wall and slammed his fist into the table in front of our daughter when he was angry with her. Our daughter has reported to hospital staff, without myself or him present when she was taken in for an anxiety attack, the incidents above as well as him yelling and swearing at her and her 6 year old sister. She has also reported it to both her school councilor and her councilor which the court had to order him to take her to. He refuses to have her SSN put on her medical records, he refused to sign for her hospital records release to her PCP (I drove 3 hours to the hospital to sign the release) and he failed to follow through on the ER referral for her to have a psych eval to name a few "questionable" actions.
Sadly, regardless of his actions there is no law or right that protects my daughter. A petition for special will only be granted if he actually hits her and actually draws blood or breaks a bone. Even if he does actually hit her again Children and Youth Services in York county will help him keep custody so long as he agrees to use their services. My child cries out to the adults in her life that she does not want to remain there because she is afraid of her father and does not want to be in the house with him. All that these adults can reiterate are the rights that he has. There is no right that protects her.
This also means that there is no right that protects the other children in this state because the right of the abuser apparently outweighs the right of the abused. This is disgusting to say the least. A child must stay in an environment that is detrimental to their physical and emotional well being in order to protect the rights of their abuser. I ask anyone that reads this to send a link to all of their friends and family. I am going to start sending e-mails to every state senator and representative as well as news stations if needed every week until something is done to help these children. I am sure that my daughter is not the only child and I am not the only parent that is going through this. Even if it just someone that is willing to take the time to send e-mails to help the many children and parents that are stuck in this situation every e-mail saying THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE is one more voice.
After I have collected the e-mail addresses of all state senators and representatives I will post them here so that they can see that there is not a single voice but many that say the abuser should not be protected and coddled. He or she should not be shown that their actions are "okay" so long as they are willing to work with CPS/CYS. These children should not be left in a situation where they are left to wonder when they will be hurt again. This protocol applies to parents that are drug addicts, child abusers, alcoholics or even sexual offenders. This is NOT okay and one voice will simply be a hum in the crowd. I will continue to fight for my daughter with petitions to modify custody, contempt petitions and petitions for special relief. I will continue to keep in close contact with her councilors and physicians. However, this does not help the countless other parents and children that are facing the same road blocks and tape that protect the offender instead of the victim.
Feel free to contact me at
pixiesticks052308@yahoo.com or post here with any ideas or with what you or a loved one has dealt with in situations where the abuser has the rights and the child is left in a situation that is detrimental to their well being. This even includes where the only alternative is foster care, where a non-parent family member is fighting for the child or even a family friend is trying to keep a child safe. It does not matter what the circumstance exactly. The abused should be protected NOT the abuser.