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Pixiesticks · 12-20-2008, 09:54 AM

Xero, I am so glad that you were one of the lucky that found a true family of your own. You also moved on with your life and have a beautiful baby. I was also adopted by my lifegivers (you don't want my usual term for her) parents when she walked out when I was 8 months old. That is a whole other plethora of drame though and in part led to the situation with my daughter. She helped my ex get custody by testifying for him after I refused to allow her around my children. For some reason her telling me in an e-mail that I "must give one h*** of a bl** job" wasn't a good reason because according to her she was just trying to make up for the mistakes she made in the past. Statements like that definately show a desire for forgiveness..... There is much more to the drama she has put my family through but she is not my concern any longer.

Just through friends or family of friends I have sadly seen this in the foster care system as well but had originally thought that they were trying to put the children back with family instead of them remaining in the system. There are two instances that I knew of. In the one the mother was doing drugs with the child. CPS did their family plan and were in and out but she stayed with her mother until the day she OD'd. She did survive but no thanks to her mother. As she lay in the middle of the living room floor her mother stood there laughing because she was so high. The mothers boyfriend carried her out of the house and took her to the ER where her heart stopped at one point. CPS removed her and the judge ordered specific programs for the mother to attend. She attend programs but ones shorter than the court ordered yet after a year to 18 months they returned her daughter to her.

In the other instance the mother was drunk, it was 1 or 2 in the morning, and she was cleaning her house. She lit a "candle" only to realize that it was not a candle but one of the small sticks of dynamite (they had apparently bought it for 4th of July). She put it in the ashtray to try to put it out. In the end the mother lost her hand and both daughter had to have surgery to have pieces of glass and even their mothers fingernails surgically removed from their upper body. Because the mother was willing to create one of these "family plans" with CPS they still returned to their mother when she was discharged from the hospital. Their father tried to get custody but CPS helped the mother to maintain it.

It is sad that every day a child goes through this. I know that foster care is not the best option in many cases and that everyone wants to see a child with their family but it sickens me that children are given back to parents like these. I can't say that these mothers didn't love their children or even that my ex doesn't love our daughter but it is not a love that nurtures the child. It destroys them in little ways every day. Without going in to detail I can say I am very familiar with how this eats away at you day by day in regard to things that my biomother did to me. In the end some of it gave me strength but some of it will always remain. My husband is the first man that I really trust outside of my dad and brothers and I only have one friend (20 year friendship) that I would trust to the ends of the earth. I have other friends but I am very leary about getting attached to them.

I hope that in the end my daughter comes home and that in some way she gains strength from this and that in some way my husband and I can help her work through it. The other night I ask him if he would adopt my daughter if we can get her away from her father. I told him to think it through because it is a big decision. He replied "I don't have to think it through. Of course I want to adopt her." I still told him I would not take yes right now....think long and hard. He is thinking about it but said "I don't know why I would change my mind. I would walk into the depths of hell for her now so being her dad seems a little easier." I agree until he realizes that raising a teenager is similarly painful...lol.

12-20-2008, 09:54 AM
Pixiesticks Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3 Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 493	Re: Child Safety & Rights Xero, I am so glad that you were one of the lucky that found a true family of your own. You also moved on with your life and have a beautiful baby. I was also adopted by my lifegivers (you don't want my usual term for her) parents when she walked out when I was 8 months old. That is a whole other plethora of drame though and in part led to the situation with my daughter. She helped my ex get custody by testifying for him after I refused to allow her around my children. For some reason her telling me in an e-mail that I "must give one h* of a bl job" wasn't a good reason because according to her she was just trying to make up for the mistakes she made in the past. Statements like that definately show a desire for forgiveness..... There is much more to the drama she has put my family through but she is not my concern any longer. Just through friends or family of friends I have sadly seen this in the foster care system as well but had originally thought that they were trying to put the children back with family instead of them remaining in the system. There are two instances that I knew of. In the one the mother was doing drugs with the child. CPS did their family plan and were in and out but she stayed with her mother until the day she OD'd. She did survive but no thanks to her mother. As she lay in the middle of the living room floor her mother stood there laughing because she was so high. The mothers boyfriend carried her out of the house and took her to the ER where her heart stopped at one point. CPS removed her and the judge ordered specific programs for the mother to attend. She attend programs but ones shorter than the court ordered yet after a year to 18 months they returned her daughter to her. In the other instance the mother was drunk, it was 1 or 2 in the morning, and she was cleaning her house. She lit a "candle" only to realize that it was not a candle but one of the small sticks of dynamite (they had apparently bought it for 4th of July). She put it in the ashtray to try to put it out. In the end the mother lost her hand and both daughter had to have surgery to have pieces of glass and even their mothers fingernails surgically removed from their upper body. Because the mother was willing to create one of these "family plans" with CPS they still returned to their mother when she was discharged from the hospital. Their father tried to get custody but CPS helped the mother to maintain it. It is sad that every day a child goes through this. I know that foster care is not the best option in many cases and that everyone wants to see a child with their family but it sickens me that children are given back to parents like these. I can't say that these mothers didn't love their children or even that my ex doesn't love our daughter but it is not a love that nurtures the child. It destroys them in little ways every day. Without going in to detail I can say I am very familiar with how this eats away at you day by day in regard to things that my biomother did to me. In the end some of it gave me strength but some of it will always remain. My husband is the first man that I really trust outside of my dad and brothers and I only have one friend (20 year friendship) that I would trust to the ends of the earth. I have other friends but I am very leary about getting attached to them. I hope that in the end my daughter comes home and that in some way she gains strength from this and that in some way my husband and I can help her work through it. The other night I ask him if he would adopt my daughter if we can get her away from her father. I told him to think it through because it is a big decision. He replied "I don't have to think it through. Of course I want to adopt her." I still told him I would not take yes right now....think long and hard. He is thinking about it but said "I don't know why I would change my mind. I would walk into the depths of hell for her now so being her dad seems a little easier." I agree until he realizes that raising a teenager is similarly painful...lol.