[16th ave.]

how do you teach an adult parent independence?

the short of it---dad is terminal with numerous blood clots all over his body and in his brain. he's in-n-out of it, going from delirious to lucidity all through out the day. he's just waiting to die and could at any moment though he aint on life support. he's just being made comfortable 'cause that's all that can be done now.
my mom went from her parents' home to her sister's home to marrying my dad and has never had to depend on herself to live. she's always worked but there has always been someone there to decide what bills to pay and when, if/when to buy a car, what sort of budget for groceries, etc.
the family is offering support but most would take advantage of her if given the chance. some already have tried.
my mom is a tough ole lady and has no problem speaking her mind but when time comes for making serious decisions she's used to having a man make them all and is coming to hubby and still asking my dad when he's lucid and just seems to not know what to do.

so how can dh and i help her learn some independence without making her feel like we are pushing her away? we love her but she needs to be able to live the life of an adult and be able to make most decisions that come along with it on her own. how can we help her?
she not only has do grieve but also has learn how to take care of herself on her own.