[IADad]

I'm thinking a better way of thinking about things rather than "compromise" is reaching concensus. It seems like you need to sit down with her and determine the rules, that way she understands you're not being unreasonable, you can talk about the rationale behind the rules etc. Having rules without her "by-in" (at least on some level) is pretty pointless, it just turns you into family cops and relieves her of some of the responsibility. So, they become "our" rules, not just your rules.

I also wonder about having the computer in her room. Maybe it's too late to change, but I'd have the computer in a family location. That's the way we do it now, and I think that's how we're going to continue as our first son goes into his teens etc. Here's the computer, you use it here, you don't do anything or put anything on it you wouldn't want all of us to see. Now, if this is a computer she brought with her and it's been established in her room, then you have a tough time changing that. Sorry, no suggestions for changing that.

I don't think bedtime is such a big deal as a curfew. I've always been a bit of a "night-owl" and my parents gave up on bedtime in my early teen years, they said, "Okay, if you're tired in the morning, then I gues you'll learn you need to go to bed earlier." Of course I was never allowed to sleep in on the weekends or anything, Saturday was either some extracuricular activity or house cleaning, Sunday was always church.

So, I guess my point is that establishing structure and rules doesn't have to be entirely dictatorial.