[Xero]

I think being a foster parent is a very admirable job. I was a foster kid from age 13. And I lived with other foster siblings, most of the time we were all teenagers. I can tell you what I have observed my (then foster) mom doing as a foster parent (much the same as what you would do as a biological parent) and I'll also mix it in with my own opinion, if I had my own teens.

TabascoNatalie - I must say that advice isn't terrible helpful. When our kids are adults, they will go out on their own and do as they please. When they're still kids (even if they're kids that are CLOSE to being adults) they are still kids. And they need to be parented. Your suggestion that parents ignore their teenagers other than to teach them how to cook and clean (which btw they wont want to do if they think they can get away with it, which in order to raise them the way you're suggesting, you'd have to allow them to get away with it) is just not going to get this person very far. Or the kid.

Originally Posted by Nikki

1) What is the bedtime for your teen on school nights? Weekends?

Our bedtime was always 10:00pm. It was actually 9pm until we were like 15 and then it was moved to 10pm, but never got any later than that because if you think about it (and this is assuming they go directly to sleep when you send them to bed) between 10pm and 6am there are only 8 hours. Any less sleep than that, or time given to try to sleep, is really unhealthy for your kids and you'll probably find them taking naps in the middle of the day which I find really unneccessary and also a step backwards as far as getting to sleep on time at night. Always remember its MORE about how many hours of sleep your kids get, than it is about what time they start doing it. I think at 17 10pm is not that horrible, even though all teens want to stay up until 2am (and of course not get up in the morning). On weekends, I would say bed time is whenever they want it to be at that age, and I would not let my kids sleep past like 10 or 11am. It will make going to sleep Sunday night very hard, and there's also no need to sleep your day away.

Originally Posted by Nikki

2) Not counting meals and driving them to appointments, how much of their "free time" does your teen spend with you in a week's time??

I gotta tell you, my siblings and I at that age weren't too interested in hanging out with our mom and dad. We just wanted to chill in our rooms, or be on the computer, or play card games with each other or be on the phone or something. We would definitely hang out with mom sometimes, like watching a TV show together or whatever but usually it wasn't on our priority list so PLEASE!!!! Do not be offended by a teen that age not interacting with you much even though they don't have anything better to do. It's SOOOO normal!!! And completely not personal.

Originally Posted by Nikki

3) How many nights is your teen home in a week??

Okay I feel pretty strongly about this, that a kid really doesn't need to be gone ALL the time. I think the maximum in a regular week for a kid to be gone from the house for me would be 3 days. My mom usually kept it down to 2, but I think 3 would be fine because a 17 year old does need that type of freedom and needs the socialization. And home at least a half hour before bed time, definitely (unless its a special occasion or certain circumstances). Weekends are good for sleepovers, but only weekends other than holiday vacations from school.

Originally Posted by Nikki

4) Do you let your teen have a computer in their room? In a common area of the house??

Honestly, I think it CAN be okay to let a teen have a computer in their room BUT I personally am a bit against it. Mostly because DEPENDING on the kid it CAN lead to problems. Such as NEVER leaving the bedroom in favor of the computer, which can not only make you uncomfortable but also hinder the kids social interaction with friends and activities that would be so much more important than cyberspace. And that's not too healthy. I think computer time should be limited to like an hour or two during the day on weekdays and 2 or 3 at most if there is enough freetime on weekends. I just don't think its healthy to do it longer IF there are better things to do. You know? And also, when you have kids go to bed there is also the chance of them staying up all night on the computer outside of your knowelege which is obviously a pain. Seems like why not start an argument that can be avoided, to me. I think its just SO much easier and less complicated just to have a "family" computer that stays in like - the computer room or something, or the livingroom. Somewhere that you could walk by and notice if they were doing anything innappropriate or that you could moniter how long it is being used. That's how I feel about all that, anyway. I just think that a computer can be much more healthy for everyone if it is kept outside of the bedroom haha.

Originally Posted by Nikki

5) How many times a week do you have some kind of family activity? (If you do have a family activity, I'd love to hear what it is to try and get some ideas.)?

My mom would generally have one day that had to be spent together as a family. It was usually Sunday, and we would go to church and then out to dinner and then come home and do something together like watch a movie or play card games or whatever. That was the usual, and then sometimes there would be the obvious other stuff like she would take us swimming or to a family member's house for a visit or to the store with her or something random like that. She liked us to be together. Sometimes if we said we didn't want to go, she wouldn't make us, but other times she would make us go even if we didn't want to cause she wanted us there.

Originally Posted by Nikki

6) How much allowance do you give your teen a week?

My mom didn't do allowance, we did our chores because we were a part of the family and we helped make a mess of things so it was only fair that we helped keep things clean as well. I personally will probably give my kids allowance, of course only if they are respectful to us and they do whatever chore they are responsible for like they should. Just off the top of my head, I would say $10 a week until they get a job. Once they get a job, I guess I might still do it but it don't know how much $10 is going to matter compared to a whole paycheck lol.