Son developing hang-ups

[djgray1200]

Hi everyone. Brand new user here and I've got a bit of a doozer of a problem. It seems that my 6yo son has developed some hang-ups around food that I feel largely responsible for. He refused the pizza his grandmother had gotten for lunch today because he was afraid that I would be mad that he'd eaten it.
My mother-in-law and I have butted heads in the past regarding the decisions made when picking foods for the kids. I'm bothered by the frequency in which she purchases them fast food and pizza, a few times a week, rather than presenting them with more solid nutritional options. My son has unfortunately picked up on some of this tension. I've got a horrible poker face. I'm sure he can tell when I'm frustrated with the fact that Nanny has taken him to the drive thru once again.
It's not at all his fault but I feel as though I'm being undermined and it spills over into my relationship with my son. He begged her not to tell me what he ate today for lunch, and told her that I ask him every time he goes to Nan's "what did you eat for lunch" and if it's junk I get real mad. It broke my heart to hear this. He fears my judgement and so he's getting all in his own head about it. How do I mend this with him before it becomes a bigger issue?

[momtoallkids]

i feel your pain. my 16mo is on a very strict diet and when my mother and grandmother take him for a day, it doesnt matter what i say, they do what they want. its gotten to a point i wont even let them take him anymore. it may come down to that for you. where you have to cut the time he spends with her until she gets the point of this is how you want things, you are the parent not her, and if she isnt wiling to play by the rules than she isnt going to take him without you.

as for mending it with him, you gotta just sit down and have a heart to heart. they understand more than you think. just explain to him why you get upset by nannys food choices and discuss what you can do to remedy that. get him involved in finding a solution. itll help him feel as if his opinion matters and that he is not to blame for your fustration. be honest with him.

[mom2many]

You say that it is only a few times a week. Unless there are medical reason for his diet restriction I wonder what the real harm is. By being so strict with his diet you may be creating a bigger problem. Boys can get eating disorders just like girls. The fact that he is trying to be honest and fears your reaction is a BIG red flag.

Instead of trying to get him to change. Maybe start with yourself. Is the occasional hamburger/pizza really going to create a life long habit of eating nothing but junk when the biggest portion of his food intake is healthy?

[stjohnjulie]

As with most things, I think moderation is the key, not absolute restriction. Unless there is some kind of dietary health issue that is. I have found that when we forbid things out right that it creates more of an issue. It's ok to have some 'junk' food every now and again as long as the norm is healthy choices. We want to be sure that we instill in our kids good eating habits so that when they get out there on their own they continue on that path.

Sounds to me that the biggest issue is with Grandma. I think the two of you need to get on the same page, both of you need to make some conssesions, so that your son can feel that you both agree on things and he doesn't feel like he is betraying either one of you. It would be great if he could see that Grandma is not just all about the fast food. You didn't mention it...but do they also eat healthy when they are together? If not, maybe you could have Grandma over for some healthy dinners or something so your son can see that Grandma eats 'good for you' food too.

I would never deny time spent with Grandparents over food choices. I feel that it's too important of a relationship to throw away over bad eating habits. If Grandma just will not listen to what you have to say, and it is putting your child in harms way, you can limit the amount of time spent together, or only spend time together when you can be present. You could also try packing a lunch for them both so they can share a healthy meal made with love by you!

And M2M is correct. Boys can also develop eating disorders and that is NOT something you want to happen. My son is 10.5 right now and self image issues are part of the game at this point. His father is a Vegan, and his very strong beliefs are rubbing off on our son too. I've heard him say "I'm fat." waaaaay too often in the recent months. He is nowhere near fat, but he isn't gaunt looking like his father either. Anyhow.... I'm getting off topic!

[LucidKitty]

Okay first off your first problem is what you said here "My mother-in-law and I have butted heads in the past regarding the decisions made when picking foods for the kids." Your MIL is not your childs parent, and need to respect your wishes on dietary matters. Sit her down and explain this, if she doesn't agree then don't let your kids go over her house. I think junk food 2 times a week is fine, but above that no.