my daughters friend has a crush on my husband

[beckasmum]

hi my daughters friend (who is 8 years old) has a huge crush on my husband , she looks a lot older than 8 and is nearly as tall as me , she calls at our house all the time last time she was wearing the shorthest skirt id ever seen made a bee line straight for my husband and sat next to him he made an excuse and went out , what can i do

[mom2many]

Not much other then avoid her and know that she will move on. My good friends DD had a crush on my husband, everyone could see it but we choose to gently put barriers up. We didn't want to call her out and embarrass her, yet we needed to protect the hubby from her (not that she was rubbing on him or anything). In time she moved on. Now that she's older we like to tease her about it.

[beckasmum]

hi thanks for the advice , yeah best route probably, i suppose her hormones are all over the place, hopefully she will grow out of it .

[akmom]

I'm tempted to offer a different perspective. Young kids will dress in whatever they have, since it's up to a parent to buy their clothes and keep them laundered. If a short skirt is what she has, that's probably because her parents chose it, not her. And maybe it was getting close to laundry day, and she grabbed whatever was left!
Remember also that kids crave attention and affirmation, and if your husband is kind, then children will be drawn to him. It's not necessarily a crush. They notice good looks too, just like adults do, but that doesn't equal romantic feelings. Eight years old is quite a ways from puberty, so I'm inclined to think it has less to do with hormones, and more to do with being drawn to the attention, kindness, and maybe even good looks a friend's parent exhibits. Some kids are just "clingy" too. That doesn't mean she desires attention in a romantic, sexual or otherwise inappropriate manner. You may be reading more into it simply because she is, as you put it, taller and older-looking than her peers. But inside she's 8 and will have the same maturity and emotions as other 8-year-olds.

I would try to treat her the same as anyone else and not worry about it, as long as she is not hurting anyone. I'm sure you're not seriously concerned that she will seduce your husband, so it's probably not necessary to purposefully circumvent her.

[beckasmum]

thanks for the good advice akmom, looking at her though i think she has started puberty , some girls start at 8 , i know its very rare , she came over the other night she was wearing make up something i dont allow my daughter to do , she sat next to my husband again , for all intents and purposes ahe looks like a woman , but she is only 8 years old its pretty complicated

[cybele]

My 12year old was pushing the make up issue at 8, she used to hitch her longer skirts up too. Still does.

Im with mom2many on this one.

[NancyM]

8 yrs old is way to young to be wearing make up and hiking up the skirt.

girls do those things to look attractive to boys/men...yikes it's just to weird for me to even imagine an 8 yr old expressing herself that way. I wonder how she knows about all that.

My sons little girl friend next door to us in our other house, had a crush on my hubby too and I use to tell him to make sure he doens't let her in the house if Im not home, you just have to be careful, kids have wild imaginations and might interpret something our husbands say or do the wrong way and repeat it to their parents. Anything can be mixed up.

It's just better to be safe and discourage it as often as possible.

[cybele]

Or they do it because it is the 'in' fashion, it likely has nothing to do with male attention.

When Dita was 8 she was wanting the stick on body crystals,bturtlenecks with no sleeves and green eyeshadow, because that was the 'in' thing 10 years ago.

When I was 8 I wanted jeans, which, back then, my mother was mortified about because only 'loose women' wore jeans.

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by cybele

Or they do it because it is the 'in' fashion, it likely has nothing to do with male attention.

When Dita was 8 she was wanting the stick on body crystals,bturtlenecks with no sleeves and green eyeshadow, because that was the 'in' thing 10 years ago.

When I was 8 I wanted jeans, which, back then, my mother was mortified about because only 'loose women' wore jeans.

Normally I would agree with that (the in-style thing) but because Beckasmum say she has a crush on the husband, I see it as the child trying to be attractive to a man.

Even if she didn't realize the implications of her actions, I don't think a little girl should be wearing makeup and short skirts. What do they have left when they become teen -agers??

My niece's daughter is 8 and doesn't need any help looking older. She is beautiful and could pass for a lot older if she dressed that way. IMO it's just too dangerous, there is so much to worry about without adding to the chances..not to mention there are plenty of weirdo's who are attracted to 8 yr olds or pre- pubic children I just wouldn't allow my little girl to be put in that predicament.

[cybele]

Originally Posted by NancyM

not to mention there are plenty of weirdo's who are attracted to 8 yr olds or pre- pubic children I just wouldn't allow my little girl to be put in that predicament.

If you had a hypothetical 8yr old in the situation where someone attracted to pre-pubescent girls had the will and the opportunity to, for example, take her, I doubt nailpolish and the length of her skirt would factor into the equation.

Its just this common misconception that any type of predator is basing selection on how children are dressed that bothers me. "Oh, that one is wearing pants, i'll pass. Wait for a girl wearing a miniskirt to come along, then i'll snatch up that one" is just silly.

I come from the unfortunate situation of having a daughter who was sexually assaulted at the age of 13. When the incident occurred, she was wearing her school uniform, long black pants, black lace up shoes and a blue long sleeved polo shirt, her hair was tied up and she was wearing no make up.

I do wish that we would be more wary of what goes on, teaching girls that they are more 'safe' for wearing certain clothes, opposed to others is a very dangerous mindset, and frankly, an illogical one, because it just isnt true, look at all the women, for example, who came out during slutwalk and said "Wait, this dosent represent me, I was NOT dressed in a provocative manner when I was attacked" I also think it would be nice to watch what we say in regards to the ways others allow their children to dress, or dont allow them to dress, especially when referencing paedophilia, unless you can cite specific sources of how nailpolish or skirt lengths, or whatever item of clothing, increase the risk of children being sexual assault victims, its just not a topic to screw around with and to hint at in that manner.


The reason I assumed it was a matter of fashion is that an 8yr old crush is very different to a teenage / adult one. Surely I cannot be the only person here who had a girlhood crush on an adult male, it was not sexually motivated, it was pretty innocent, as are most 8yr old crushes. Clearly this girl is obtaining these clothes from her parents, most (I doubt all, but I will say most) 8yr olds obtain clothing from their parents and clearly her mother see's nothing wrong with the way she is dressed, therefore, it could very well be a matter of fashion, because there is nothing in the OP to suggest that the girl has changed her style of fashion in order to attract male attention, it very well could have been her style of dress prior to the crush.