Parenting lesson from Sheriff Taylor

[tadamsmar]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dzxBxa1HQE


I want to bring your attention to the segment around 4:30 and after.

I learned from this that a simple head crank, turning away, can sometimes effective as a kind of time out in place. This episode was aired in 1963 and it models parenting techniques that had been validated in ABA research only a few years before, methods that most parents have not mastered even today. But perhaps they were already understood by some parents before the research, not sure.

[cybele]

...??

Sorry to be difficult, but you realise that discipline is easier on a scripted television show, right?
I'm confused, all I just watched was a show that I remember my parents watching, then the section you directed to was a child holding his breath?

I don't understand what you mean.

[Xero]

Ok, that was funny. What are we supposed to learn from it? It was acting, and it was a joke, there was nothing serious or educating about that at all. That's not how tantrums really happen. If I asked my kid what he was doing in the middle of a crying tantrum, he wouldn't be interested in giving me a comical answer.

[tadamsmar]

How about this kid?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpSfThUv_pc

Is this kid having a real crying tantrum?

Is this kid acting?

Is this kid putting on a performance for his parents or whoever is holding the camera?

If this kid is having a real crying tantrum, then why does he keep stopping in the middle of the tantrum and calmly going over to where center stage is?

[cybele]

I would say that he is more attention seeking than having a real tantrum.

In my experience, if my kids (at a younger age) are attention seeking it is turned on and off, and real tantrum tends not to go away when I leave the room.

Just my opinion of course, I don't believe that walking away is some magic cure for making things stop, it is my way of dealing with tantrums too, but that never made my kids stop. Unless, of course, it was a very tame tantrum, but the real ones, hell no.

[tadamsmar]

Originally Posted by cybele

I would say that he is more attention seeking than having a real tantrum.

In my experience, if my kids (at a younger age) are attention seeking it is turned on and off, and real tantrum tends not to go away when I leave the room.

Just my opinion of course, I don't believe that walking away is some magic cure for making things stop, it is my way of dealing with tantrums too, but that never made my kids stop. Unless, of course, it was a very tame tantrum, but the real ones, hell no.

Ignoring alone is not particularly effective. Specific praise for the opposite behavior causes ignoring to be more effective. Also, timing is important, if you have the habit of giving the tantrum attention right at the onset and then ignoring will not work. You need to start the ignoring right at the onset.

Also, the tantrums typically get worse when you start ignoring them. It's called the extinction burst. Parents who start ignoring early, around 1.5 yo, will not experience the extinction burst. But if you try to introduce the ignoring strategy later as a strategy switch from giving attention, you will see the extinction burst.

Ignoring should typically not be used before 1.5 yo.

In a sense, there are two types of tantrums. Kid before 1.5 yo have tantrum-like loss of emotional control. But, during the period after 1.5 yo tantrums tend to become a response the the way parents direct their attention. As a general rule, parents will get more of whatever behavior they pay attention to, even when the attention is negative like scolding.

[tadamsmar]

Do tantrums always begin when you are in the room? Or do your kids ever go to some empty room and begin a tantrum? Do they begin a tantrum when there is no one to watch?

[cybele]

Well they don't tend to anymore, but yeah, my kids have started tantrums when they are in a room by themselves.

[singledad]

So what's the lesson here? Don't let your kids manipulate you (especially if they're bad actors)? Now who thinks who are idiots?

[parentastic]

Not only is the movie obviously scripted and acted, but it's also making humor our of the worst stereotypes possible for children. It presents children both as stupid and manipulative. It may be funny to watch, but it's not giving justice to children.

Before approx. 5 years old, children's brain are not yet able to hold more than one emotion at a time in the right side hemisphere. So when they get angry, desperate and emotional, it invades ALL of their senses and the result can be a devastating tantrum; my nephew for instance used to make himself vomit out of crying. The emotion is real, even when the reason seems trivial to us. Ignoring a child's tantrum makes it worst (as it is, in 99% of the cases, the expression of a need to be heard and validated), although of course listening does not mean agreeing or giving the child what he wants. (i.e., the idea is to respond to the child "needs", not the child "wants"). And there is always, always a need underlying a tantrum.