my daughters friend has a crush on my husband

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by BabyAngel

If I wouldn't put my foot down, my 7 year old daughter would wear fingernail polish and makeup... My wife doesn't see the harm in it as I do..

I say keep your foot down dad. She has pleanty of time to wear all that stuff and you can believe she will!!

[akmom]

Originally Posted by BabyAngel

If I wouldn't put my foot down, my 7 year old daughter would wear fingernail polish and makeup... My wife doesn't see the harm in it as I do..

I put nail polish on my infant...

[cybele]

Originally Posted by NancyM

not to mention there are plenty of weirdo's who are attracted to 8 yr olds or pre- pubic children I just wouldn't allow my little girl to be put in that predicament.

If you had a hypothetical 8yr old in the situation where someone attracted to pre-pubescent girls had the will and the opportunity to, for example, take her, I doubt nailpolish and the length of her skirt would factor into the equation.

Its just this common misconception that any type of predator is basing selection on how children are dressed that bothers me. "Oh, that one is wearing pants, i'll pass. Wait for a girl wearing a miniskirt to come along, then i'll snatch up that one" is just silly.

I come from the unfortunate situation of having a daughter who was sexually assaulted at the age of 13. When the incident occurred, she was wearing her school uniform, long black pants, black lace up shoes and a blue long sleeved polo shirt, her hair was tied up and she was wearing no make up.

I do wish that we would be more wary of what goes on, teaching girls that they are more 'safe' for wearing certain clothes, opposed to others is a very dangerous mindset, and frankly, an illogical one, because it just isnt true, look at all the women, for example, who came out during slutwalk and said "Wait, this dosent represent me, I was NOT dressed in a provocative manner when I was attacked" I also think it would be nice to watch what we say in regards to the ways others allow their children to dress, or dont allow them to dress, especially when referencing paedophilia, unless you can cite specific sources of how nailpolish or skirt lengths, or whatever item of clothing, increase the risk of children being sexual assault victims, its just not a topic to screw around with and to hint at in that manner.


The reason I assumed it was a matter of fashion is that an 8yr old crush is very different to a teenage / adult one. Surely I cannot be the only person here who had a girlhood crush on an adult male, it was not sexually motivated, it was pretty innocent, as are most 8yr old crushes. Clearly this girl is obtaining these clothes from her parents, most (I doubt all, but I will say most) 8yr olds obtain clothing from their parents and clearly her mother see's nothing wrong with the way she is dressed, therefore, it could very well be a matter of fashion, because there is nothing in the OP to suggest that the girl has changed her style of fashion in order to attract male attention, it very well could have been her style of dress prior to the crush.

[singledad]

I have to agree with cybele - a while ago, my teenage niece painted my daughter's nails bright pink. They both had fun. I was a bit taken aback, but I had to admit that the real issue was that I don't want her to grow up - I want her to stay 5 forever . Pink nail polish isn't going to make her any more attractive to pedophiles. They are after youth an innocence, not little girls who look like teenagers.

The bigger problem is when they reach 13/14, and start attracting the attention of teenage boys. That is my main reason for not letting my DD wear short-skirts etc - I don't want to have to explain to her when she hits puberty, why what used to be cute is no longer appropriate...

[NancyM]

Frist of all I’m responding to a post that was talking about an 8 yr old girl, not a preteen or older. (different look/ different body shape) Little kids, wearing makeups around the house is one thing, but it’s a lot different when the child dresses provocatively to get attention from a grown man, or even an older boy. I’m only talking about this situation, not about ‘girls’ in general.

Quote by Cybele: “If you had a hypothetical 8yr old in the situation where someone attracted to pre-pubescent girls had the will and the opportunity to, for example, take her, I doubt nailpolish and the length of her skirt would factor into the equation.

I agree with you, but we only doubt it, we don’t know for sure about every kidnapping, we don’t know if he passed up any kids before he picked that one, or what exactly made him pick one kid over another. And because none of us know what provokes a pedophile into taking a child we should all be very cautious with our children, and that may even include the way we allow them to dress. Yes I do feel that way.

Quote by Cybele: “Its just this common misconception that any type of predator is basing selection on how children are dressed that bothers me. "Oh, that one is wearing pants, i'll pass. Wait for a girl wearing a miniskirt to come along, then i'll snatch up that one" is just silly.

Not any type of predator, but some predators do. And since again none of us know which ones do and which ones don’t, we should be more careful. We may think our babies look cute with heels makeup pink nail polish, and short skirts, but to a sick mind, it’s an open invitation , he doesn’t see your innocent child as a cute little girl, he only sees her in a sexual way. He doesn’t care that she has no clue about sexuality; he believes that she is there for him. She’s doing ‘this’ for him or too him. That’s why he’s sick. And that’s why he kidnaps and kills children. And we really don’t know if what she’s wearing matters or not. .. this stuff’s in the papers all the time.

Quote from Cybele: “ I come from the unfortunate situation of having a daughter who was sexually assaulted at the age of 13. When the incident occurred, she was wearing her school uniform, long black pants, black lace up shoes and a blue long sleeved polo shirt, her hair was tied up and she was wearing no make up.

I’m sorry that happened to your daughter. It must be devastating for her and your family. In this unfortunate situation though, your daughter is a lot older than what I was expressing my opinion about. She wasn’t pre-pubic as this 8 yr old is.

Quote from Cybele: “I do wish that we would be more wary of what goes on, teaching girls that they are more 'safe' for wearing certain clothes, opposed to others is a very dangerous mindset, and frankly, an illogical one, because it just isnt true, look at all the women, for example, who came out during slutwalk and said "Wait, this dosent represent me, I was NOT dressed in a provocative manner when I was attacked"




Or so she says, I don’t know about the show if that gets proven or not, so I can’t comment, I don’t know what Slutwalk is, but it sounds like it’s about woman who act and dress ‘slutty’. I don’t know the answer to that, like no one else does. Again Slutwalk is about adult woman and I was addressing a very young child. So I don’t see the correlation.


Quote Cyeble: “I also think it would be nice to watch what we say in regards to the ways others allow their children to dress, or dont allow them to dress, especially when referencing paedophilia, unless you can cite specific sources of how nailpolish or skirt lengths, or whatever item of clothing, increase the risk of children being sexual assault victims, its just not a topic to screw around with and to hint at in that manner.
Excuse me! but I have very right to express myself on this board with my opinions the same as you do. If you expect me to agree with everything you say it’s not going to happen. You don’t know me well enough to tell me how to react or respond to someones post , so please don’t do it again.

Also, If you read about pheophilia you will learn that they are attracted to what they precieve to be sexual signals being sent out from children that is simply not happening at all. They’re crazy. We don’t know why!

What we do know as parents is that there are such things as monsters who want to hurt our children, that's our advantage, the children don't know about this nor should they have to worry about it extensively, that's our jobs as parents.




Basically, My feeling about it is to not put your child in harms way by enticing these sick people or attracting them to your kids.
How is that ‘screwing’ around or hinting at, and in WHAT manner are you talking about, sorry but if my thoughts and opinions scare you than don’t read them.

[akmom]

I am under the same impression as Cybele, that an 8-year-old crush (if it even is one) is harmless. I didn't articulate it quite as well, but I was also bothered by the way the original post seemed to suggest that an 8-year-old could have sexual intentions toward an adult, and I just don't buy it.

Sorry to hear about what happened to your child.

[beckasmum]

thanks for all your replys , i appreciatte them a lot , her friend came fro a sleep over on friday night, i went into my daughters room and found my daughter trying one of her friends bras on , i put this down to just play, now she is nagging me saying she wants one, she sat next to my husband again , i would say she is making an effort to appear attractive , my husband says he doesnt want her coming over fo sleep overs anymore, i didnt tell him about the bra incident , my daughter doesnt even need a bra she is totally flat

[NancyM]

Children having a crush on an older person is really very normal, but if you both feel uncomfortable maybe you shouldn't have sleep overs with her right now, and just let them play together outside instead.

They're only 8 yrs old, you shouldn't have to hard of a time discouraging her and controlling the situation..

I think your husband is right. Good luck.

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by akmom

I am under the same impression as Cybele, that an 8-year-old crush (if it even is one) is harmless. I didn't articulate it quite as well, but I was also bothered by the way the original post seemed to suggest that an 8-year-old could have sexual intentions toward an adult, and I just don't buy it.

Sorry to hear about what happened to your child.

I don't think the OP actually suggested that, but even so, I don't believe the child is trying to look sexy or provocative either but the problem isn't in the mind of the child, it's in the mind of a sick adult/pedophile that might think a child is acting sexual toward him.

[akmom]

Yeah, but this post is about beckasmum's husband, not a pedophile.

What about Post #16 offended you so much to give it "extremely negative" feedback? (NancyM)