how to approach my son's teacher

[kidsfirst]

My son is in third grade and he is struggling in reading and math. He is not very social, so it's not like he is distracted. I have helped him at home and he has tutoring twice a week. The feedback from the tutor is positive, and when I work with him he seems to know his material pretty well. Since he is so shy, I'm wondering if it is affecting his grades.

My question is...how do I approach my child's teacher? I want to know exactly how she grades, what criteria she follows, and examples of student work. The kids take so many darn tests all year long and I don't even know how to read the results. I wonder if results of standardized tests are part of his grade as well. My son's teacher is not very transparent. I don't want to confront her and have her take it out on him. Any ideas?

[cybele]

I think the best way is to take the results to the teacher and say, "Im wondering you you could help me, I dont understand this, could you explain to me how these results are graded?"

The most recent report cards we got from my younger kid's school said that Lux was maintaining a "VH" average in math and a "VG" in english, oh and following that was the "A" in sport. Because that made all the sense in the world to me, I ended up having to go to her teacher and saying "What on earth does this mean?" turns out the A is one of the lower ones, who would have guessed that?

[akmom]

Are your son's grades the only indication that he is struggling in reading and math? If so, then it sounds like grading criteria is exactly what you need to tackle next. Perhaps the practice items that you and his tutor use aren't very well tailored to his classroom assignments (even if they are helpful in improving his overall competency).

I wouldn't worry about offending the teacher. Grades are how they communicate the child's strengths and weaknesses to parents. Only when they are older do grades matter to outside entities like colleges. I'm sure she would be happy to communicate her methods with you. Understanding and appreciating a teacher's time and efforts is not an insult.

If you are naturally non-confrontational, then perhaps you could shoot her an e-mail. "Dear Mrs. Smith, I am concerned about Bobby's grades in reading and math. I've been very pleased with his progress at home and with his tutor, so I want to understand why there is a discrepancy with his grades. I was hoping to meet with you to discuss class materials and grading criteria, to see where Bobby needs improvement so I can focus on those areas. I am available at these times; please let me know what time would work for you. Thanks."

My child's kindergarten teacher was always eager to share this information with me and relate my child's progress. I suspect there are teachers on the board that can give you tips about how to approach it too.

[jack123]

Well, you could just tell the teacher that you are concerned and want to improve your child's grade. Ask her what aspects to work on so he scores better. May be that is how you will know the grading system. Stay in touch with the teacher with respect to your childs performance, and then it will be easier to talk to her more frankly the second or the third time.

[bssage]

You can probably get more specific answers if we knew where you are from. We have kinda a international membership and even some state specific answers could be received.

I find it a little odd for a third grader to have a tutor. I dont think its wrong or right. Just curious about the specifics of how you got to that point.

Where we live IA the state test do not effect your grade.

It seems to me if the tutor and yourself think he is getting the material OK. Likely at issues is testing. And that can have a plethora if causes. From "stage fright", time of day, even the test system itself.

I agree with starting an Email dialoge with the teacher. This has several advantages. First being that you will have a paper trail and handy references to what was said and when. Also the old 10/90 (10% content 90% editing) rule should be used which affords you the opportunity to ask questions more specifically and clearly than shooting from the hip on a phone call.

It has been my experience that teachers like the "involved parent" and welcome interaction with us.

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by kidsfirst

My son is in third grade and he is struggling in reading and math. He is not very social, so it's not like he is distracted. I have helped him at home and he has tutoring twice a week. The feedback from the tutor is positive, and when I work with him he seems to know his material pretty well. Since he is so shy, I'm wondering if it is affecting his grades.

My question is...how do I approach my child's teacher? I want to know exactly how she grades, what criteria she follows, and examples of student work. The kids take so many darn tests all year long and I don't even know how to read the results. I wonder if results of standardized tests are part of his grade as well. My son's teacher is not very transparent. I don't want to confront her and have her take it out on him. Any ideas?

Since the tutoring is helping and you think he knows the material well, It really can be anything.

Has the teacher notified you at all about her concerns over your son's 'struggles'? If not maybe it isn't as bad as you think.

Have you met the teacher at all? Where I live we have 'open house' at the beginning of the year and each teacher explains how they grade and how they set their criteria. Usually with the younger grades you meet with the teacher a few times in the year so you can keep up and voice any concerns at this time.

I agree it might depend where you live, for instance our school is just about over for the year, it ends June 20th. Is yours just starting?

[csdax]

For something where you have quite a lot of questions, or need an explanation, rather than just basic information, I would probably ask for a meeting. Write down whatever questions and concerns you have, and take it to the meeting, so you make sure you cover everything. Also, have some clear outcomes you'd like to see from the meeting, such as specific things you can do at home, and things that the teacher will do at school, in order to help your son, agreed between yourself and the teacher.

I use e-mail a lot with my daughter's teacher, but if it's something where there's a problem or we need to figure something out, I find that a face-to-face conversation works better.

As long as your approach is "let's find out what the problem is and fix it", rather than blaming the teacher, then I'm sure she will be very happy to work with you.

[Buttaflly227]

Just be honest with her. Ask if there is a time you can speak with her, because dropping in whenever you want is not the best idea, (I'm a teacher and it's very inconvenient) and then just ask what her criteria is. There is nothing wrong with you inquiring about your child's status, it's encouraged.
The standardized tests do not (or aren't supposed to) affect your child's grades, they do affect their placement sometimes but mostly it's for the teachers and the schools. They show how effective the teachers and schools are so the kids don't really get punished for doing poorly the administration does.

(However, with older kids, such as in Massachusetts, you now NEED to pass the MCAS in 10th grade to graduate highschool regardless of your grades. Even if you have straight A's and fail the test, you can't get your diploma until you retest and pass. Some do, some don't.)

Hope this helps!