Parents need advice about a 19yo son real bad

[Wiccan2010]

We are a low income family strulging to make ends meet. after bills theres only about $30 left for the week. Its to the point that we are one step from living in a shelter, currently living in a 1 room motel.

Wife 46yo: works in low payinf job and has been there for 13 years and currently looking for 2nd job.

Husband 32yo: disabled (Legally Blind) and fighting for SSI and step-father of 19yo

19yo son: High School Grad never held a job

Wife Says:
He wants stuff to come to him. I've told him it doesn't happen that way, he has to go out and get it if he wants 'that new game' or 'those points for that car.' He has not help out as much as he should around the house. yeah I may have spoiled him but I am not happy that he is taking advantage of the fact that all he has to do is ask for it (whatever it is) and he'll get it with no problem.

I'm now at a point where he needs to be more of an adult and go out every day and look for a job( he has never held a job) and all he does is give me a negative attitude. I have told him to be more persistant when he applys for a job. check on the status of the apps he has put out there every other day or every couple of days. He waits 2-3 days before even deciding to go and by then it too late he has again lost the opportunity to obtain a job.

Every time I or my husband say something about anything we want him to do, he comes up with some sort of excuse or rebels and just sulks about how his life stinks and he'll never be able to get a job. He'd rather be on his psp or on the computer all day than try to look for a job. He has gone to the rest of family and made me sound like I am a bad parent for asking him to take resposibility for his actions and take the initiative to be more motivated with his life.

Husband Says:
It;s hard for me to tellhim what to do being that im not his father. i try to help him but i cant get anything from him. we have tried repramanding him and taking away his access to the computers and his PSP but noting works, everyone says that we need to motovate him, but all he does if nothing sleeps 12 hours i used some of my frends to help him get a job he works like one day then wont get up to go the next time. i like having him a round i feel i would rather be a friend then a father to him and he has said that that's the way he wants it. im just lost on what to do PLease help us TY

[bssage]

He has three choices school, job, or move out. I am sure if he put on his nicest clothes he could find work at Mc'd's or a simular place. I agree you waited a little late. But IMO the waiting is over.

[IADad]

I agree with ^^Bryan^^ doesn't matter if you're living at the poverty line or if you had all the money in the world, this young man needs to become a man and he can either gain and keep gainful employment and help out the family (and come home and help out too) go to school, so he standas a chance at a better job (and in my opinion shoud at least work part time while going to school) or feel free to go out on his own and figure it out for himself.

[Jeremy+3]

Once you're 16 in our house, you either go to college or get a job, if you don't want to do either of those, then you are free to move out.

[Wiccan2010]

update: as of today he still has not come home nor has he called me or his mother. he did come by and get some clothing and his spair PSP but nothing more from him its been over 24 hours that we have heard from him as far as we know he is at his ants house......

[bssage]

I would expect him to be pissy for a while. IMO don't start second guessing yourself. Your doing the right thing. If its getting to you, send a care package or offer to take him to eat. It may seem like it but your not abandoning him.

[TabascoNatalie]

what about the army or work-abroad programmes? maybe that should be interesting for him?

[Wiccan2010]

Originally Posted by TabascoNatalie

what about the army or work-abroad programmes? maybe that should be interesting for him?

he tried the millarty but becouse of his non motavation he was kicked out before he even made it to boot camp

[Xero]

This is a difficult situation!! I agree with what has been said. Job, school, or move out. :/ Don't give in because he ran off! You know he's just fine, and you didn't do anything inhumane to him. And you know that his aunt or any friend he stays with will get just as tired of him mooching off of them and being lazy as you guys have. Just give it time, and he'll get himself together. I think we all have to go though this. The most important thing is that you stay strong and don't allow it to continue under your roof! If you end it there, it will end itself in time. If you let it go on, it will go on for years. I know a 30-some year old like this. @__@ Good luck! This would be hard on anybody.

[IADad]

"spare PSP" was the kicker for me...if he has a spair PSP, then he has a way to go before he hits rock bottom. Stick to your guns, you're helping teach him to be responsible. I have a BIL who's 41 and finally learning how to do this. You're doing him a favor forcing this issue. If he comes to his senses and wants to come back and be productive welcome him back, otherwise he's on his own.